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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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I don't want to meet my online man (yet)
Q. Dear cupid my problem is that i was going out with this lad i met on the net but we had never met, then last sunday we spilt up because he didn't understand whjy i was nervous about meeting him now i have a new internet boy friend but im not as ...
A. 12 August 2006: These aren't real relationships as you haven't met any of them in person or dated in the real world. The internet has this nasty way of deceiving you into thinking you know people from the net when you don't really - you only know what they want you ... (read in full...)
I am nasty when I drink!
Q. When I'm drunk, I'm always nasty to my boyfriend. I say awful things and tell him I don't want to be with him. At the time, I genuinely feel that way, I'm not just doing it to upset him then when I sober up, I'm fine again. I think you only do stuff ...
A. 12 August 2006: I think too much drink can turn anyone from Jekyll into Hyde. You are not thinking straight and lose impulse control - most adults drink socially to lose their inhibitions. If you turn nasty when you have had a few drinks just keep your alcohol ... (read in full...)
He said he won't give me oral sex because I smell different to his ex-girlfriend!
Q. Dear cupid. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months now and everything was going alright until i asked him why he had never attempted to give me oral sex when i have given it him. Basically he said it was because i smelt different from ...
A. 12 August 2006: I agree with the others...dump him, or stop having sex with him at least! If your body is good enough for him to stick his 'you know what' in, and your mouth is good enough for it too then your bits and pieces shouldn't be a major challenge for him. ... (read in full...)
Im madly in love with My online girl, problem is shes younger and miles away plus her parents dont approve!
Q. I think I am going insane. I have been dating a girl who I met online, she is 16 and I am in my late 20s. Our problem is, we live 300 miles apart. She lives in Scotland and I live in England, yet I have travelled up to see her as often as possible...
A. 12 August 2006: When she is 18 and legally an adult in the eyes of the law then it is up to her to decide what to do. Age differences don't matter that much (there is a decade between me and my husband (he is younger)). However, you must understand that her parents ... (read in full...)
My online dating turned a bit sour....
Q. Can anyone give me their thoughts on my situation? I'm sorry this is so long... I chatted to a guy from my dating site for about a week on msn. Then we met up for a date last week. I'm 33, he's 32. Before we met, he told me some quite heavy...
A. 11 August 2006: ....I read your 2nd post..."Why do I still wish he wanted to meet me again? Why am I so upset that he's blocked me?That was my 17th internet date. I'm not sure I can take any more rejection :-(". You are upset because you were lured into the fantasy ... (read in full...)
All people see are my FF breasts, they forget im a person!! How can I get people to see that im more than my boobs!
Q. I'm a girl, who i feel, is intellegent and has a great personality the problem is a men (and sometimes girls) don't seem to be able to get past the size of my chest. I am a natural FF cup and it really gets me down people automatically assume i'm a ...
A. 11 August 2006: Not everyone will react badly just because of your bra cup size...sounds like you have just had an unlucky run of things as far as people are concerned. First of all you should feel proud of your body - some women do go under the knife to get a ... (read in full...)
His family are causing some problems!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am kind of in a strange situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We had lived in an apartment in Philadelphia together for about a year and a half. My boyfriend had a difficult time finding a job ther...
A. 11 August 2006: I think your boyfriend is being a bit selfish. They are his dreams to open a shop and get a house...not necessarily yours. Relationships are all about compromise. I understand that your relationship with his family maybe strained but there is always ... (read in full...)
My online dating turned a bit sour....
Q. Can anyone give me their thoughts on my situation? I'm sorry this is so long... I chatted to a guy from my dating site for about a week on msn. Then we met up for a date last week. I'm 33, he's 32. Before we met, he told me some quite heavy...
A. 11 August 2006: You caught him playing around...you didn't over-react, but it should be a good lesson about internet dating more generally. I am not saying you cannot find someone nice that way but it certainly has more than its fair share of dangers and emotional ... (read in full...)
We were friends-with-benefits for 3 days before she admitted she's decided to become a dominatrix! Now she won't return my calls...
Q. I had a big crush on a woman about ten years ago. We had a good friendship and she contacted me intermittently over the passing years while we went our separate ways. She contacted me most recently and we started hanging out again. Things went ...
A. 10 August 2006: It seems to me that you are hoping to have a full-on relationship with this woman but unfortunately she is not available in that way to you - as you have said yourself it has been on and off for years. I know you think something of her as you keep ... (read in full...)
Dreading my child starting fulltime school because of his problems at nursery. Any tips?
Q. Hi,I should be looking forward to My youngest son starting fulltime school in september but I'm dreading it. He has been attending the nursery at his school for about 18months now and is due to start reception. however he has never really sett...
A. 10 August 2006: Stop dreading him going to school as you may notice a big improvement in his behaviour as a consequence of the structured environment of a classroom. Teachers are experienced at dealing with a range of child personalities. However, as a parent you ... (read in full...)
Can long-distance work? Even long-distance like another country?
Q. My Sister who introduced me to her friends by giving me thier phone numbers. Her friend live abroad and I contacted them and arranged to go and see them. It went really well. I did a bit of sightseeing while getting to know them. I really like on...
A. 10 August 2006: It can only work long distance if you really want it to, and you are prepared to make the extra effort. I was separated from my husband for visa reasons for over a year and half and I only saw him three times during that period because he lived 3000 ... (read in full...)
Am I still a virgin ...or not?
Q. when I was 16 me and a male friend of mine had sex with each other and i've been told that means i'm not a virgin anymore but i've also been told that i am so my question is am I still a virgin ?...
A. 10 August 2006: I would say that homosexually you are not a virgin if you had penetrative anal sex with another guy, but if you haven't had heterosexual penetrative sex with a girl then you are 'heterosexually' a virgin. Whatever the situation is technically ... (read in full...)
So was it good for you? err no!!
Q. I have ben going out with my boyfriend 2years and im 17 we have had sex and he tells me that it s=is really good for him but it does nothing for me!!??? is there sumthink wrong with me????...
A. 10 August 2006: Nothing wrong with you - you see all these media images of women having fab. sex lives and it is assumed it will be the same in real life. That is not to say that you cannot work on that aspect of your relationship so it gets better for you - ... (read in full...)
I dreamed I kissed a man at work and my BF doesnt know
Q. my bf and i have nearly been together for a year, i love him and he loves me but recently i've had dreams about another guy i work with which involved kissing but nothing more. i dont even like the guy in that way but now i'm obsessing over it all ...
A. 10 August 2006: First of all I would say stop worrying - dreams are just your brain blowing off steam while you are in deep sleep. I know that some people think you can interpret dreams as messages from the unconscious mind but I am not too sure about that! Even if ... (read in full...)
I am having an affair and I don't know why he is doing it
Q. i started this affair with this guy 8 years younger than me,he lives with his partner and 2 kids i asked him why he was doing it but he wont give me a answer,there was some guilt on his part so i said lets end it because of this but he still wants ...
A. 10 August 2006: He isn't loving...he is cheating on his partner. I think you should stop analysing the reasons why he wants the affair as you may never know the truth...affairs are always a tangled mess of lies and deception with the biggest deception often being ... (read in full...)
After sex, I have drops of blood on my underwear...what should I do about this?
Q. Sorry if this is a little graphic, I am just wondering if this is normal or not. I have been having sex for two months now and everytime we are done, I have a few drops of blood on my underwear or whatever. Most the time its very very little if any ...
A. 9 August 2006: It maybe nothing to worry about but I think you should have a check up with your doctor - all sex-related bleeding should be investigated. There maybe an innocent explanation but you should certainly have a few tests including a cervical smear to ... (read in full...)
I married a dead lady...are there drugs for this sort of thing!
Q. Dear cupid Please try to help me.Im 41 years old my wife is also 41. We have been together 21 years.I was her first.Her sex drive is dead. All you here about is men with problems what about the ladies?There is like no stress in our lives.She has ...
A. 8 August 2006: You say 'she has really always been dead in bed'...I think sex is about two people don't you? If you are not lighting up her fires then you have to take some responsibility for what is going on in your bedroom, and make her feel like a tiger - maybe ... (read in full...)
Sex questions for you!
Q. Ok, so i've been sexually active for about 3 weeks now, and i've been having LOTS of sex. I have a couple of questions that i hope can be answered, sorry if i seem naive or if some of it's a bit graphic. Ok, so i'm on the pill but we used condoms ...
A. 8 August 2006: It could be painful to use condoms because you are allergic to latex rubber (which is what they are usually made of), but if this is the case you can get alternative condoms for the allergic. Make sure you are using water-based not oil-based ... (read in full...)
Am I still a virgin after my drunken half-sex?
Q. ok well, one night i got really drunk and before i knew know it, this guy and i go from kissing to him trying to have sex with me. it was my first time being in this type of situation and he started to go in until i complained of the pain and ...
A. 8 August 2006: I always think you should consider losing your virginity spiritually as much as physically. Technically it is a physical state of breaking the hymen inside the vagina via penetrative sex. But lots of girls lose their hymen in non-sexual ways - horse ... (read in full...)
Two days after our son was diagnosed with autism, my husband left
Q. My husband and i have been married 9 months he has some huge mental health problems and is seeing a counsellor two weeks ago out the blue he didnt come home then told me he was moving out two weeks before that he smashed the house up and i called ...
A. 7 August 2006: I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with a whole bundle of stress on your own. You have to start looking after yourself as you have a son with developmental difficulties who needs his Mum 100%! I work with many families with infants that have ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about pregnancy and marriage... And my boyfriend's commitment...
Q. Hi, I've a question pls...well am in love with a guy, we've been dating since last Febr. and he confessed that he loves me last month, the thing is few weeks ago we started making out, kissing, fingering and all that, am still a virgin, and he ...
A. 7 August 2006: Sex questions first! It is possible to get pregnant without full penetrative intercourse - if he gets an erection then sometimes there are sperm on the tip before the main ejaculation so withdrawal during sex isn't a reliable method of stopping ... (read in full...)
I know what I should do... But cant find the strength to!!!
Q. Hi all... i'm a 35 yr old woman involved with a guy who says he loves me yet goes out with his female 'friend' (who hates my guts)He drinks more than i think anyone should (or could!) ends up yelling at me and the day after can't even remember any ...
A. 7 August 2006: Alcoholics in denial are great at twisting things around to make it part of your fault - you have to see it as part of their sickness. That is not an excuse however - if he yells, he is out of control and maybe physically abusive soon...it is easy ... (read in full...)
Should we be together?
Q. Hi everyone, Would be really grateful to get help on this, if anyone has any advice... Have been with my boyfriend for two years, who lives in Ireland. Initially, as ever, it was all amazing, and we quickly decided that we were the ones fo...
A. 7 August 2006: Stop beating yourself up about this - you are not needy and clingy but just a normal human being in need of some kind of positive feedback from your man that he loves you. I guess if you were feeling 100% about the relationship you wouldnt feel the ... (read in full...)
I left my husband having an affair, now he won't pay a dime. I'm so angry. What do I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, My husband and I have been married for 25 years when I found out that he's having an affair. We work in the same group of companies and the girl was his staff. It was so painful because I felt he did not respect me. I asked him to l...
A. 7 August 2006: Stop feeling hatred towards him...it is only harming you to get angry about this and distracting you from the real issues - his lack of responsibility and moral integrity. You need to channel that disgust into a more constructive pattern of thinking ... (read in full...)
How do the ladies like to be kissed ?
Q. a question for the ladies out there- whats your favourite kissing technique and location?...
A. 7 August 2006: Shouldn't the question be...who do ladies like kissing? :-)
... (read in full...)
Should I fight for him?
Q. dear cupid my boyfriend has just broken up with me and i am heart broken i dont no what to do. i loved him sooo much and i still do he said he didnt see me as a gf any more but im confussed just 15mins earlyier he said he loved me sooo much i dont ...
A. 6 August 2006: If he is dumping you to see if you 'fight for him' then he is an insecure, game-playing fool with no consideration for your feelings...i.e. not worth the effort. Maybe he is dating someone else. Don't beg him to come back - it is just not dignified. ... (read in full...)
I have been getting to know this girl but she has a boyfriend
Q. I have been talking to a girl for months now and we've built a really good relationship (we talk almost everyday). We have kissed several times and it has been pretty passionate. She has expressed much interest in me. However, the problem is she ...
A. 6 August 2006: You say her boyfriend has "no trust, he cheats, he doesn't like her friends, etc"...she only tells you that he cheats and he has every right not to trust her since she has been kissing you! You seem like a nice fella so don't get your fingers burned ... (read in full...)
Need some advice on shaving!
Q. Hi I need some advice on shaving... I've never had to shave my face before, always stuck to alternative ways to remove the small amounts of hair. But after doing it for like 2 years, I'm getting a little tired of it. Just wondering, when ...
A. 6 August 2006: It is possible for the hair to grow back darker and thicker as your body is still probably developing and your testosterone male hormones will affect hair growth. Shaving itself shouldn't make the hair grow back thicker (that is an old wive's tale) ... (read in full...)
She is talking to my sister after our breakup
Q. Hi, My g/f broke up with me after 4 months being together never use to talk to my sister. however, once we have broken up she keeps on wanting to talking to my sister.. whats it about...
A. 6 August 2006: Well the ex is probably finding out what you are up to via your sister. It would seem odd that they have struck up a friendship otherwise. Perhaps you can ask your sister not to talk about you - it would be a good way to test if this girl is a ... (read in full...)
Married, 33 and fancy the girl at work
Q. hi,going through hell at the moment,im 33 married with 2 kids 12 and 14.my wife is 43,and im not in love with her.i do fancy a girl who works next to me who is 25,im no good at asking girls out how do i let her know i like her....
A. 6 August 2006: If you think it is hell, it is going to get a lot hotter if you pursue an affair at work. You say you don't love your wife but you must have once so why not focus your energies on rekindling that relationship...counselling...a holiday ... (read in full...)
I fell in love with my online lover and I am gutted
Q. I'm in my early fifties been married faithfully for over thirty years, have grown children and my husband adores and loves me, also we make love several times a week and it is always brilliant and long sessions. My husband however does not enjoy ...
A. 6 August 2006: You maybe feeling very upset about it right now but there is nothing you can personally do to change things to the way you want them - you have no control over this person. You cheated on your husband for sex only and there is a lot more to marriage ... (read in full...)
He is very controlling!
Q. ive got problems with my relationship - there are trust issues from my boyfriends side and he is now constantly questioning me and checking up on me by ringing my phone sometimes every hour asking the same questions - a month ago things got so bad ...
A. 5 August 2006: You are dating an abusive man and you have a choice (i) stay and wait for it to get much worse or (ii) like yourself enough to not tolerate such controlling behaviour. He is insecure but that is not an excuse - you clearly have no happiness or trust ... (read in full...)
He offered to get my winning lottery ticket paid... and the win ended up paying his loan!
Q. My boyfriend offered to help me by taking my winning lottery ticket to the claim center for me. It was a good idea because I cannot leave the house as I take care of my mother on life support. The claim center took the funds and applied it to his ...
A. 5 August 2006: He is a 57 year old scrounger who has mooched his way through life with the 'don't hurt me' line. He is 57 and not 18, and you are not doing him or womankind any favours by letting him get away with stealing from you. It sends a message that it is ... (read in full...)
He wants an open relationship!
Q. We've got over a massive age difference (I'm 18, he's 33) and have been going out for 6 months. Soon, however, he is moving to another country and believes this should be an open relationship. I don't think I can deal with that. We love each o...
A. 5 August 2006: This guy is using the age-gap in an inappropriate way. YOu say that you are in love etc, but in my view when you are truely in love then you just wouldn't want to go elsewhere for sex. My husband and I were separated for over a year due to problems ... (read in full...)
My sisters friend is here ALL THE TIME!!!!
Q. my sister has this friend who is a guy and comes around to our house. his dad I have heard is an idiot so I can see why he may want to leave. But he's at our house all the time. On average he's at our house 3 times a week since we've broken up for ...
A. 5 August 2006: Maybe this boy is going through a bad time with his family and is looking for an escape hatch to your house. It is nice that your sister can be friends with him as he maybe a little lonely if he is making that much effort. Maybe he really likes her ... (read in full...)
Don't Stand So Close To Me, I am the teacher and she is the student!
Q. I really don't know how to explain this but i am attracted to a 15 year old girl who attends the school i teach at,i tried to keep it under wraps but shes realised and is playing on it. Shes not in my lessons, so for most of the year i hadn't even ...
A. 4 August 2006: If you are in the UK, you will be aware that there is specific legislation prohibiting relationships between teachers and pupils regardless of consent. You will end up on the sex offenders register and you will never teach again, and will find it ... (read in full...)
Does the "right" person ever really come along?
Q. Dating related question! Does the "right" person ever come along and you live happily ever after? I'm always told that "the one" or "the right person" will always come along? does it ever?...
A. 4 August 2006: Surely 'the one' is a bit of a biological improbability...there are lots of 'ones' or 'mr rights' for everyone - the odds of finding one person in the world who is the only suitable partner are a bit grim aren't they? I think the human race would ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be near her, help!
Q. There is this 17 year-old girl in my karate class, who I absolutely don't want to be friends with. She is way more girly and acts much more grown-up than me, and I feel uncomfortable talking to and being around her. I understand that she is trying ...
A. 4 August 2006: Why not give the friendship a go - her maturity may rub off on you and she may benefit from knowing you too, perhaps she is just lonely and reaching out for company. Unless you try how do you know what you have got in common with this girl? You ... (read in full...)
I have lied about sex
Q. hi my mate says she has had sex lots of times i have only done it twice but when i talk to her i find my self lying about it. i dont know why i find the urge to lie....
A. 4 August 2006: Peer pressure about sex is enormous - sex is every where in the media and people feel obliged to say they are experts when they have no experience. Being inexperienced is not a bad thing - any man who rates your performance in the bedroom on a ... (read in full...)
We're in a seven year affair and he cheated on me! How do I get over my hurt?
Q. I have had an affair with my married boss (now, former boss) for 7 years. He told me daily how very much he loved me and that no one had ever made him feel the way I did. 2 1/2 months ago he lied to me. He told me he was going to be playing golf ...
A. 4 August 2006: Hang on...you are having an affair with a married man and you are surprised that he has cheated on you with someone else? It is a sorry tale but when a man cheats on his wife with another woman, then it is hardly shocking that he wanders elsewhere ... (read in full...)
How to deal with a 4 year old who never stops talking?
Q. What advice can someone give me to deal with a 4 (almost 5) year old WHO NEVER STOPS TALKING. He starts at 8 am and doesn't stop until 9-10 pm. ~By 3 pm everyday I have a splitting headache. I mean he can't go for more than 5 minutes without ...
A. 4 August 2006: Don't stop his talking - his brain is continuing to develop for language and his vocabulary will improve with practise at constructing sentences. There are many parents of speech or developmentally delayed children who would envy your position. By ... (read in full...)
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