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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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How can I tell my parents he is of a different race???
Q. i just posted the question "I finally got with Pete! Problem is I've never had a boyfriend before, so dont know how to make us an adorable couple!" around 2 days ago, but i honestly need as much advice as possible. So we've been spending soooooo...
A. 9 September 2006: I think you should just tell them you are dating a guy from another racial background. If you think it is appropriate then bring him around for tea sometime to 'meet the parents'. Secrecy worries parents because they wonder what you have got to ... (read in full...)
17 and fancy a married man
Q. I'm 17 and have liked a particular guy for 3 years. The problem is he is married, is 39 and now has a baby. His wife works away and I'm often round there and am tempted to make a move. I think he likes me -he shows me loads of respect is quite ...
A. 9 September 2006: You ask what you should do...errr avoid the guy. You are 17 and have your life ahead of you...why settle for an older married family guy when you can have a single guy of your own with no complications? Do you not deserve that? Perhaps he is flirty ... (read in full...)
Am I supposed to do anything different with a non circumcised guy ?
Q. Hello. I'm an American woman, so I'm used to guys being circumcised. However, recently began a relationship with a British guy (living over here now) and I've come to find that the norm in the UK (and most countries apparently) is not to be circum...
A. 9 September 2006: You are not ignorant...there is no difference. Some men are circumcised for religious reasons (...it is said to enhance fertility and be cleaner), and some for medical reasons (foreskin won't retract upon erection making sex painful). However, lots ... (read in full...)
How could I have acted differently ?
Q. I am 16 years old. My problem is this: when I was in my last year of primary school I fell in love with a boy called Skye. He often tried to talk to me and people told me that he fancied me. However when it came to high school I got sent to the ...
A. 9 September 2006: I got to ask what is really bothering you right now...it isn't a boy you knew at the age of 10. You must be feeling stressed about your life at the moment and wishing that a boy you used to know had stayed in your life so it would have turned out ... (read in full...)
I have a sexual problem that my doctor says doesnt exist please.. Please help!!
Q. I have a sexual problem and my doctor wouldn't help me. I almost feel like I'm imagining this as my doctor wouldn't help me and he basically said it was in my head. It's so personal that it's difficult to explain or see anyone about it. one of my ...
A. 9 September 2006: I work in medical research and therefore I can tell you from personal and professional experience - some GPs are great people and some are diabolical. Your GP will not have been trained in sexual health beyond the basics and is merely a gatekeeper ... (read in full...)
My affair guy has announced he is marrying his girlfriend!!!!
Q. I am married woman having an affair for the last year with a wonderful man. We are both besotted with each other. He has had a stormy distance relationship for the last 5 years and his girlfriend has been putting a lot of presure on him to get ...
A. 9 September 2006: I am not going to tell you not to have an affair...but affairs are based on lies, lies and more lies. Your husband probably doesn't know about what is going on and neither does your lovers fiancee. My point is that he is not 'besotted' with you or ... (read in full...)
My 16 year old sister is dating a 45 year old and says shes wants to marry him!!
Q. I'm 21 and my sister is 16 years old. Recently I found out that she's been dating a 45-year-old man, which I feel uneasy about. She says there's nothing sexual going on, and that he's not been pressuring her for sex etc., and they've been dating ...
A. 9 September 2006: Well done for being a caring sibling! You have every right to worry about this sort of relationship - I accept age gap relationships but this is a HUGE gap. The age gap wouldnt worry me as much as his motivations. Is this a sign of someone who is ... (read in full...)
I s sex on the first night wrong?
Q. i just wanted to know everyones opinion... do you think sex on the first night is wrong?? ive been talking to alot of people about this and everyone has mixed views, I'm not sure what exactly guys look for? do they all look for a quick shag on the ...
A. 9 September 2006: It is not 'wrong' because it depends on the individual circumstances. I disagree with some of the posts that it will be perceived as you being 'cheap' or 'easy'. It doesn't mean you won't go on to a relationship, but then if you don't sleep with ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to use this guy to make babies? Trapping him as a father?
Q. I am a confident, intelligent, and independent 21 year old woman. I work full time, i am also a part-time university student (finishing my degree in 6 months). I own my own car and have recently moved out of my parents house and have had no troub...
A. 9 September 2006: Lots of people have babies young (often by accident) but you should be clear in your own mind why you are doing this. You work, you are in college and just starting out with your adult life and you are trying to make yourself a single parent and ... (read in full...)
How can you start an office romance?
Q. How to start a office romance in low proflie? My manager is fond of me, he didn't approach me, however, he has been sending me lot of love signals + body languages, I know he is serious. How should I reponse to him, when he looks into my eyes, al...
A. 2 September 2006: You have to be VERY careful here, especially if you like your job.
1. He is your boss, say you date him and it doesn't work out - you still have to see him at work and to make matters worse he is your boss! If the relationship goes bad he may take... (read in full...)
Should I just leave my "porn pig" partner and get on with my life?
Q. My husband and I have been together 8 years we have children.. On several occasions I have caught him with porn, each time he promises me he will stop but eventually he turns back to it... I am well eduacted, atractive and our sex life is good. I ...
A. 2 September 2006: This is not about porn per se, it is about different values between partners. You find porn offensive and that is your opinion that you are entitled to have. He doesn't. You can ask him to respect your wishes, but you cannot force him to change his ... (read in full...)
Online guy I like stopped contacting me! What's going on?
Q. OK I feel like I was never meant to be with a guy, and it will ALWAYS be that way. Well, I'm not going to go through all the problems I've had with guys, but over the summer I was kind of experimenting with meeting guys online and virtually chatting...
A. 2 September 2006: If he is 24...that makes you about 17 and you have written off the world of men already! The reason that you have had a bad time with boys/ men in the past is because at your age it is a 'rite of passage' to meet lots of horrible people, as well as ... (read in full...)
My married guy and I are so in love...and I want him all to myself. But how can we do that without hurting others?
Q. I have been seeing a married guy for 10mths now I am 24 and he is 40 and its really intense we spend 2 or so hours talking on the phone every night and see one another at work everyday, we spend a few hours after work with one another and every ...
A. 2 September 2006: I rather think if he loved you as much as you think he would have left his wife by now. Married men put up all sorts of reasons why they cannot do that (the kids, the cost of divorce etc). It doesnt have to be the case that he is just hanging around ... (read in full...)
I look so young for my age...any way I can make myself look older?
Q. I need help, asap. The thing is, I look really young for my age. I'm 19, 20 in November and I still get asked for ID. Most of the time I even get asked ID for a 15 rated movie. When I got to clubs it's really embarrassing to be stopped infront of ...
A. 2 September 2006: My husband is 25...and he STILL gets asked for ID at bars and club doors. He gets all embarrassed but I try to tell him that I would love to be stopped for age reasons :-) Try not to worry about it...in a few years time you will be asking how can I ... (read in full...)
My parents are always at each other, its now depressing me alot....
Q. I need help. Im 14 years old. My mum and dad always argue. Its really derressing me. Its like they hate each other. My mum tried to tell my dad how she felt, but that made it worse. Please dont tell me its their problem, cos I'm getting dragged ...
A. 31 August 2006: My parents used to scream at each other when I was a teenager...well it was my mother doing the ranting most of the time. My husband's family were the same. Both sets of parents are still together years later so don't think their arguments will lead ... (read in full...)
The girl I love cheats all the while and is destroying me, my wife is great but I dont love her...
Q. My life has been turned upside down. I was in an unhappy marriage and eventually seperated and went to stay at my mums. My wife was supportive and was always willing to take me back and make it work between us. She loved me unconditionally. My ...
A. 31 August 2006: It sounds like your wife is a very good woman. It sounds like your psychiatrist had one consultation with you - a diagnosis of a personality disorder requires an extended period of assessment and observation. There is no doubt that you are suffering ... (read in full...)
Can multiple partners harm you ??
Q. i am a single 23 year old woman and i have been into swinging for some time now but i have only ever done it with one person at a time. coming up soon is a multiple partner party were there are anything from 3 times the amout of men then women t...
A. 31 August 2006: I am not going to comment on your lifestyle choice as you are a single adult who must make your own decisions. The problem with swinging is the health risks. Most people think you are protected from STD's by condom use but it is simply not true. Dr ... (read in full...)
Her bf is tearing her apart and i'm secretly in love with her!!!
Q. Hi Everyone, I'm best mates with this girl, shes seeing this guy who is awful and has cheated around 16 times on her and is just horrible. She wont leave him because "she loves" him, shes 14, he's 17 and im 14 too. She lost her virginity to him...
A. 31 August 2006: You are not 'fat and ugly'...you just THINK you are. At 14 lots of people aren't looking their best! Hormones and all that...you think this girl is 'beautiful and gorgeous'...but you are looking through loved up, rose coloured spectacles. Lets face ... (read in full...)
Help! My periods are very heavy!! What can I do to help it ?
Q. I Have a major Period problem. atleast thats what i think. I'm a teen and i started my period 2 and a half years ago, and i suffer so badly when they come they last for 5 days and i spend atleast 10 minutes in the toilet each time. When im ...
A. 31 August 2006: Taking the pill is up to you! But as this seems to be really affecting your life then you really ought to see a doctor - request a lady doctor if you are embarrassed. There are lots of medical conditions that cause heavy periods - underactive ... (read in full...)
Can I be with my cousin?
Q. Ok I have a problem and I like my cousin and he likes me to but i dont know if we can be together. Wat can I do ?...
A. 31 August 2006: There are three issues here:
1. The law - relationships with cousins are ok in some countries but not in others.
2. Medical - if this relationship works out you should be aware that any children that you have will be of higher risk of certain ... (read in full...)
I'm 20 and obsessed with my weight!
Q. hi, im 20 yrs old, i am obsessed with my weight, i go to the gym maybe 3 or 4 times a week, constantly checking my weight, if i even gain 1 kilo gram in 1 week i become very depressed, im constantly checking my body for fat, i feel guilty everytime ...
A. 31 August 2006: You are suffering from clinical depression as depression underpins most eating disorders. You are beginning to recognise that your behaviour is not 'normal' which is a big first step. I had the same problem at your age - no breakfast, no lunch and ... (read in full...)
This 14 year old has a crush on me...and I 'm an adult! I don't want to date him so what should I do?
Q. There is this 14 year-old boy that I have known for four years and like as a younger brother as well as a friend. The problem is that he seems to have a crush on me. I know that he and I couldn't legally date and have sex until he is the minimum age ...
A. 31 August 2006: Try not to worry - 14 year old boys have the attention span of a goldfish and he will have a crush on someone else sooner or later. Just keep the boundaries of your friendship well maintained and don't have any bodily contact - an innocent pat can ... (read in full...)
my 74 year old college professor is flirting and trying to have sex with me. I am disgusted by his behaviours..what should I do?
Q. I have a 74 -year-old college professor who tries to flirt and have sex with me and other female students. Plus he is always in my face. I try to ignore him and tell him that he is making me feel very uncomfortable, but that doesn't seem to work. I ...
A. 31 August 2006: I don't think his age is an issue really but this behaviour steps over the line on lots of levels. You must have a college tutor you can speak to - sometimes a 'friendly word' comes better from a colleague. You may have a college counsellor who can ... (read in full...)
This older woman at work is copying my style, its awful, how can address this ?
Q. Could somebody please give me some advice on how to handle a situation at work, im 25 years old and have my own sense of style, recently i have noticed as well as many others an older women of about 40 is buying cheap copie of my clothes and wearing ...
A. 31 August 2006: This is a 'big question'...why does a 25 year old have nothing more to worry about than an older lady copying her work clothes...I wish my life was this uncomplicated! The older lady is obviously smarter...at least she isn't being suckered into ... (read in full...)
My online guy wants to meet in person, im a bit worried incase he doesnt like me....
Q. Hi all, ive met a guy online and we have been chatting for a bit and exchanged photos, he now wants to meet me which is great, but im worried about meeting him in case he dont like what he sees. Also i maybe overreacting but i think he talks to ...
A. 31 August 2006: You are wise to be cautious but stop worrying about him liking you...start worrying, instead, about who this guy is really and what he wants from you. He maybe a nice guy and you may have a great friendship/ romance etc, BUT the internet dating ... (read in full...)
I cant find the words to tell her its over.....
Q. I am in a relationship with a hot headed girl, where I feel like a prisoner, and i constantly taking verbil and some physical abuse off her. I have very little confidence and self asteam now but I am trying to get out but i just cant say the ...
A. 31 August 2006: I agree with the other post, write her a letter and walk away. It is not cowardly to do that - you have to put yourself first in these situations and if you think the break up will provoke violence or further abuse then a written end to your not so ... (read in full...)
Tatoo turn off!!! How do I tell her?
Q. I have a dilemma. My girlfriend has a tattoo. It's not very large, and its right in the small of her back. The problem is, I really don't like it, and for a bad reason. A tattoo in that spot just has negative associations for me: 'tramp stamp' an...
A. 28 August 2006: You can ask her...she might tell you to bog off though. What your friends think is irrelevant and they maybe playing up to your sensitivities around the issues of tattoo's. What you have got to ask yourself is if you are worried about her being ... (read in full...)
Help me with my list of pro's and con's about him
Q. ok ..tell me if i should or if you would stay with a guy if you had these pro's and con's about him. thanks. some of these things i got over though like the feet thing and i'm getting over the age thing. pro's -he's ALWAYS there for me -h...
A. 28 August 2006: No one is perfect...and that includes you! If you are even weighing up the pros and cons in such a clinical way then I don't think this relationship is going to work out as there must be some deep-seated reservations on your side. Don't keep him ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend and domestic violence!
Q. what should i do my girlfreind is having bad mood swings no matter what i do she keeps screaming and shouting at me shes even kicked me in the face and broke my nose punched me and thrown stuff at me when i ask whats wrong she just seems to get more ...
A. 28 August 2006: Domestic violence is often portrayed as the man beating the woman up, but the reverse is surprisingly common. No one has the right to hurt you physically or emotionally. I appreciate it maybe difficult to admit to the violence to people in your ... (read in full...)
Her parents have banned our relationship
Q. My girlfriends parents wont let her see me anymore. Her mum and dad let me stay over with no hassle and even let me stay in the same bed as her, when i did we fooled around a bit but i made sure we didnt have sex as it would be too loud. However her ...
A. 28 August 2006: She is a parent and she has every right to feel unhappy about things going bump in the night under her roof. After all, it is her house and she can decide what happens therein. She hates you partly because you are fooling around with her 'little ... (read in full...)
Slept with my best friend's brother...
Q. i recently almost slept with my best friends brother at her 18th, we did everything apart from full sex, only thing stopping us ws that there were no condoms. I was attracted to him straigt away and he made it clear that he was attractd to me. Me ...
A. 28 August 2006: It is probably for the best that you tell your best mate that you are seeing her brother again whatever he thinks. It comes down to trust between friends and she maybe hurt if she thinks you were sneaking around behind her back. As for her ... (read in full...)
Boys tease me about having no breasts. What can I do?
Q. im 14 and have no breast and all the boys tease me wot can i do?...
A. 27 August 2006: I agree with the others - your body is still developing and may change shape throughout your life. If the boys didn't target your chest...it would be something else. You have to look at things this way...they wouldn't tease you if they didn't like ... (read in full...)
Am I being abused, emotionally?? Any opinions would help!
Q. I need someone to tell me I am not going crazy here!! I think I am being emotionally abused. I have never had any experience with this and I can't take it any longer. The stress levels are starting to affect my health and self-esteem. I have a bf ...
A. 27 August 2006: The guy has a personality disorder...feel sorry for him, but don't stay with him as you are not his community care nurse! Personality disorders are not very treatable so he is a bit of a lost cause on the romance front. Anyway enough about ... (read in full...)
Getting over being raped
Q. being raped is it suppose to make me feel so ashamed of myself and my body and hate myself so much i wanna die most of the time because i am getting very depressed but i wont go and see a shrink because i hate them i have been in councelling snce i ...
A. 27 August 2006: You cannot possibly get over what has happened without professional help. That doesnt mean a psychiatrist. There are a range of different people out there to help you. If you have been in counselling since a child then it is likely there are lots of ... (read in full...)
First date politics!
Q. Does he like me? I went on a first date with this guy last weekend. The date went great and he even asked if I would go on a second date (which I said I would). He then kissed me goodnight. He called me the next day just to chat. I called him once ...
A. 27 August 2006: Everyone is nervous after a first date...it is a tense time! I totally understand that you don't want to feel like a stalker ringing him and pursuing him. Just sit back and know that what will be, will be. He maybe trying to get to your house ... (read in full...)
Love the high feeling of casual sex. Finding sex in a committed relationship...boring! What can I do about this?
Q. In casual relationships my sex drive is always very high, I enjoy a lot of sex and am very adventurous. When I'm single I enjoy flirting and being provocative and always feel sexy. But somehow the minute I start to get emotionally involved with ...
A. 27 August 2006: You think you 'loved' these people in past relationships but you didnt really. There was a problem in these relationships and that led you to cheat. It was probably incompatibility over and above sexual issues. Your decision to have one night stands ... (read in full...)
He doesn't trust me, he calls me a liar, he's jealous, he rants and raves...what can I do about this guy?
Q. Hi I am in a relationship with a guy for nearly a year now. when we first met we both had just come out of serious relationships. we were pretty casual at first but now it's pretty serious. the problem is the way he treats me and speaks to me. if h...
A. 27 August 2006: You may love him...he doesn't love you, he sees you as his property. He has control issues and if you just sit back and take his accusations then more will keep coming and he may get physically violent as one step up from verbal aggression. The ... (read in full...)
Early marriage, pregnancy - what to do!
Q. I am an undergraduate in love with a guy who recently graduated from my university and that's how we met. We love each other very much. I am only 20 and just started reading medicine, so i have a long way to go. My partner is thinking of marriage...
A. 27 August 2006: You are 20, studying medicine and heading for abortion no.3...it is time to take some control of your life. You are clearly an intelligent young lady by your subject matter but there is something fundamentally wrong with your contraceptive methods ... (read in full...)
I am 16 and he is 27!
Q. my boyfriend is 27 and i am 16 there is 11yrs different and my parents arent the happiest of people and most of the people i tell are very shocked what do i do to make them not say all this bad stuff about him to me because its really annoying and i ...
A. 27 August 2006: There are the same number of years between me and my husband. The difference is that I am in my 30's and he is in his 20's. My point is that we both have life experience and both have long term relationships in our pasts. At 16 you are still ... (read in full...)
I am a smoker and he is unhappy
Q. Hi guys, I need your help..... My boyfriend and I have been together for the last year and a half and we own a home together. We have talked marriage and were planning to get engaged this coming fall. I have smoked for the last 10 years. I dec...
A. 27 August 2006: I can understand why he was angry - he trusted you to quit and caught you having a sly ciggy. As an ex-smoker I can tell you that quitting is not easy but you must get every cigarette out of the house, the car and away from you so you are not ... (read in full...)
My wife won't learn how to cook properly. Does she not love me enough?
Q. I used to scoff at the adage that the way to a man's heart is through stomach but my wife is making me to do a re-think. We've been married now for over 10 years and have three lovely children. My wife has been a good wife and mother. I have a very ...
A. 27 August 2006: I don't get it - you have a lovely wife and children, a good career and she works too...sounds like you got the package there, and if the only thing you have to complain about is her lumpy gravy then it isnt a great deal is it? You shouldnt see her ... (read in full...)
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