| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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My mum was caught cheating on my dad! How do we get over this?
Q. My sister just rang and told me she found another man in bed with my mother. We speculated mum was cheating on dad for a while, she swore on our lives and our childrens lives that she has and never would cheat on my dad...and now this has ...
A. 15 June 2011: I would also add to the others, that you may benefit from some counselling of your own. If you are angry and feeling this way, others around you might see it and it might cause them more distress (e.g. if you have close friends, a boyfriend, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never gets jealous! Is that odd?
Q. This may sound like an odd question , but what do you think it means that my boyfriend never acts jealous or even shows that he's jealous? Is he just super secure , good at hiding it - or just not that into me? We've been together 6 months a...
A. 10 June 2011: He's secure. Thank God for that, now you have a nice, normal boyfriend who won't act like a nutcase!... (read in full...)
Should I confess to my husband?
Q. I have been married for 3 yrs and have a little boy. I have not been happy in my marriage for a few years now, just feel as though I'm not appreciated and feel tied to the kitchen sink. Recently I have been confiding in a male friend at work and ...
A. 10 June 2011: I think there are so many problems in your marriage that for it to actually work in an honest and open manner, you have to come clean. If you'd never kissed him when you were together, then this wouldn't have been a problem. But you did originally ... (read in full...)
Should she give the engagement ring back?
Q. After 2 years with a wonderful girl I proposed... She said yes! We were planning on moving in together and then got into an argument about money. She says I had a look in my eye like I was going to hit her.... I wouldn't touch a hair on her head! ...
A. 10 June 2011: I don't really know why she wants it, but I do know she is correct. Technically, it was a gift and she is legally within her right to keep it.
If you want the truth, chances are she kept it to sell it, and you've been well and truly conned. Sadl... (read in full...)
Should I be worried by his threats to take custody of my baby?
Q. So my fellow dearcupid friends, I have a serious question. I am nearly 3 months pregnant, me and the man have not been together in a while. Soon after finding out I was pregnant I began working and putting money away for my baby when he or she ...
A. 10 June 2011: There's no way they'll let a convicted sex offender have custody of your child. ... (read in full...)
Does a boy like a girl who always agrees?
Q. Hello everyone..I want to ask that is it good to say yes to your boyfriend for whatever he asks for.. Does a boy likes a girl who always agree for everything even physical contacts??...
A. 10 June 2011: No, not at all. Most men like a woman who has her own opinion and ideas. A woman who agrees all the time would get a bit boring.
Have your own ideas. Believe me, it'll make you more interesting. ... (read in full...)
For the men: what perfume do you like on women?
Q. Question for the men: what kind of perfume/scent do you like a woman to wear? Do you like flowery scents? Woody? Fruity/Citrusy? Musky? Or any other kind, take your pick, I'm really curious what the general consensus is on perfume. Thanks! :)...
A. 10 June 2011: Truthfully, I've absolutely no idea. I think my girlfriend uses this Dove stuff that smells like nice skin scream. She wears perfume occasionally, but I've no idea what it is at all.
I don't know about other men, but I'm not picky about it at all.... (read in full...)
"Hopelessly lost and hurting"
Q. Please help me, very confused. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 15 months, I'm supposed to move in to his apartment within the next couple of months. He's ex wife still lived with him up until last week, now he's all upset shes gone, he ad...
A. 9 June 2011: You can make it without this guy. Anyone can. His ex clearly can! He's the one who's stuck in his past life. The problem is he's singled you out because you're in a bit of a state - he knows that he can treat you this way.
You have to make a stan... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable to ask your boyfriend to get tested for STDs?
Q. Is it unreasonable to ask your boyfriend to get tested for STD's? I get tested every year at my check up because you never know what someone else is doing and my job has some exposure risks. He has never been tested. We have a sexual relationship, ...
A. 9 June 2011: I think given that he cheated, him taking a test should be make or break to be honest. I'm afraid this should have been dealt with some time ago, when he initially cheated, and it should have been something you insisted upon. He won't do it now, and ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is a nightmare. Is this normal?
Q. I Have been going out with my GF for a few years She is Controlling Possessive Paranoid Moody Childish Doesnt let me see my friends Checks my phone Checks my emails Checks my facebook The reason she does all this is because I have...
A. 9 June 2011: This isn't normal. This is a sign for you to run. ... (read in full...)
"Hopelessly lost and hurting"
Q. Please help me, very confused. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 15 months, I'm supposed to move in to his apartment within the next couple of months. He's ex wife still lived with him up until last week, now he's all upset shes gone, he ad...
A. 9 June 2011: How do you feel about yourself? Because you are torturing yourself with this guy, and that must mean you don't really have any self esteem at all.
- He still loves her
- He won't let you in the house because she didn't want you to be there. ... (read in full...)
How do you know what a guys actually feeling when they say one thing, then do another?
Q. Hi guys! I've been dating this guy for about a year now and I feel like I'm always the one to initate doing things, not that I'm crazy for it, I just feel sex brings us closer and fixes any problems in our relationship and I love him. We'll talk ...
A. 9 June 2011: Focus on what a man DOES, not what he SAYS. If he says one thing and does another, usually there's a big lie in it somewhere.
From what you've written here, I'd suggest to you that all this guy wants is sex when you offer it. I don't see anyt... (read in full...)
I lied and told my boyfriend I am 16! What should I do?
Q. for a beggining im 14 years old turning 15 this month and my boyfriend turned 16 last month.. but i lied and told him that am onto 16 too! and now everyone even my closest friends think im turning 16 this month, but im really afraid of the future ...
A. 9 June 2011: Come clean now, before it's too late. At some point it will come out, and if it's later, he's more likely to wonder what else you've been lying about too. ... (read in full...)
G/f of 9 years cheated and says she doesn't know why!
Q. my gf of 9 years cheated on me and says she doesnt know why she did it, we have a 3yr old daughter together own a house, 2 vehicles and 2 buisness together. i feel very betrayed but how can i just up and leave with everything we have together. she ...
A. 9 June 2011: LoveGirl said exactly what I was thinking!
- Are you sure she's not pregnant and is trying to saddle you with the bill?
If nothing else, put off the marriage and the baby. Until she comes clean about what has happened here, and until she'd gi... (read in full...)
How to forgive myself afTer an affair?
Q. I'm feeling so confused and remorsefull I'm hoping soneone can help me come to terms with my emotions. A month ago I dumped my married lover, I changed my number/email etc but he still turns up at my house, my sons school, leaves notes on my car, ...
A. 9 June 2011: His wife sounds like she's just snapped and realized that her husband is just shite. I actually wonder whether contacting her again and talking to her might be a good idea. If you want to try and forgive yourself, maybe talking to her and seeking ... (read in full...)
What could my parents do legally to my 19 year old boyfriend?
Q. I'm 15 years old 16 in a month, my boyfriend is 20. We had sex when he was 19. I got pregnant but he's been by my side through it all, my parents knew his age and never complained. Until recently when we told them that he will soon be getting a ...
A. 9 June 2011: Yep - they can have him arrested for statutory rape. ... (read in full...)
Guys, would a girl's past FWB relationship put you off her?
Q. I'm currently in somewhat of a friends with benefits situation with a guy I know. What I want is opinions on how this may make future potential guys look at me in the future. Guys, would you keep yourself away from a girl who had previous...
A. 9 June 2011: Honestly, it depends entirely on the guy and his own mentality at that time.
For example, my girlfriend is divorced. Whilst she was going through her divorce a few years ago, she slept with quite a few other guys. She once just asked me if I coul... (read in full...)
Who's in charge of the baby, me or my parents?
Q. I'm 16 years old and have a 2 month old son, me and his father are still together. My parents act like the baby is theirs and like they can make decisions that pertain to him. I'm very responsible and I do everything for my son, my boyfriend (his ...
A. 9 June 2011: If you are in their house, and under the age of 18, then I'm pretty sure that they do have the right to make decisions on your behalf, because you are also a child in their care. If you want to take full charge, then you will need to leave their ... (read in full...)
He is refusing to go to his family reunion, and I cant help but think he must be embarassed about us or hiding something....
Q. My Boyfriend's family reunion is soon and I want to go to meet his famiy. he is refusing to go stating he doesn't like being around some of them because of how they make him feel. He was adopted, etc. I have only met one aunt, 2 uncles and a few ...
A. 9 June 2011: If he was seeing them regularly, and not inviting you, then I'd say something was wrong.
But he's not.
In fact, he spends a good deal of time not wanting to be around them. He's also not going to this reunion himself. Again, if he was truly hi... (read in full...)
Should I be worried by his threats to take custody of my baby?
Q. So my fellow dearcupid friends, I have a serious question. I am nearly 3 months pregnant, me and the man have not been together in a while. Soon after finding out I was pregnant I began working and putting money away for my baby when he or she ...
A. 9 June 2011: Convicted sex offender = He doesn't stand a chance.
Though I would always recommend getting the advice of a lawyer, who will also be able to give you other advice about maintenance, contact (of which hopefully there will be none) etc.
Overa... (read in full...)
He cancelled our trip and gave all the money to his ex for new clothes for his child! Do I mean nothing to him?
Q. My boyfriend planned a special weekend away together for us as my birthday present. Then his ex wife called and told him she wanted extra money (besides maintenance already paid and a few extras) to buy clothes for their child. Now this child does ...
A. 9 June 2011: I actually think that the post Jon Vim wrote has a good point.
Does anyone else find it entirely suspicious that just as this trip was planned, suddenly the ex wife (who is already paid maintenance and more) decides that the child needs new clot... (read in full...)
How do I make him stop bugging me when he hasn't formally asked me out?
Q. How can I give this guy the slip without feeling like a rude b****?? He keeps texting me, buying me coffee at work (we work together), trying to make physical contact at work, asking if we can meet up outside work etc BUT he has never actually p...
A. 9 June 2011: Yes - tell him. He can't read your mind. If you don't want to be with him, tell him that he's a nice guy but that you think you need space. If you actually like him, tell him you like him. The reason he's continuing like this is because you're not ... (read in full...)
How should I feel when I don't climax?
Q. I am in a mostly happy relationship with a guy a 3 years my junior. We are, more him than me, both virgins. He is religious and I am not, so he enjoys seeing and hearing me being pleasured as a means of sex. However, he seems to want it much more ...
A. 9 June 2011: He's telling you the truth. I know, because on occasion my girlfriend has worried about the same thing as you, and I kept telling her the same thing your boyfriend is telling you now. Finally, someone else told my girlfriend she was sure I was being ... (read in full...)
Maybe I'm not cut out to be a mom?
Q. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a mom. He's cute, yes, but too much for me to handle, financially and sleeplessness. It is burdensome and bothersome for me. I'm getting so stress out and burnout from taking care of a baby. I don't have a reliable sitter ...
A. 9 June 2011: I'm perfectly sure that you're cut out to be a mom. I don't know one parent who hasn't found it hard to be a parent at some point - whether it's when they're babies, or when they're older. I'm not a parent myself, but you can see that it's hard ... (read in full...)
What really happened here? He said he was leaving her for me and would step up and be a man, but I have not heard from him in a month!
Q. Hello, My question is, I'm confused about my x, we broke up about a year ago...we didn't see each other for the whole year, we were under strict rules not to, after the year was up he came right to me, told me how much he had missed me, loved me...
A. 9 June 2011: I am sorry you have been so hurt by him. I just hope now that you can move on from him. You deserve more than this. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to have sex with other men saying that it's just sex
Q. Hello guys ... So, to start off directly, my boyfriend kind of asked for permission to cheat on me, if you can then still call it cheating ... and gave me this permission, too, which doesn't really interest me since I could never do this... Th...
A. 8 June 2011: Your heart's right. He doesn't need to be having sex with other men/women, whoever. At all.
When you commit to someone, you make a decision to be with that person, and no matter how much temptation there is elsewhere, you still stay with that one ... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but says he loves me, should I believe his words?
Q. I have been with a guy for 6 months now. When we met, it was supposed to be a one time sex thing. But we fell in love. I knew he had a girlfriend, she is 20 yrs younger than him. We recently had a talk about "us" and he begged me to stay with him ...
A. 8 June 2011: I'm afraid you're fooling yourself. This is a good post, because you've written all those words that your 'boyfriend' has written to you, and this shows why it's so important that women get away from the idea of words in favour of watching and ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if my FWB is ever going to turn into something more?
Q. I have known this wonderful guy for four years. He always was so nice and made me laugh, both were in relationships at the time. But for the last four n half months we have been making hot passionate sex with kissing and cuddling and spending the ...
A. 8 June 2011: You're a bit dumb, aren't you OP?
You've got all these people here telling you that he just likes to dip his penis in you, and you're insulting everyone here. Well, you're the one who'll get hurt. Perhaps the reason that he uses you for the sex ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is smoking weed everyday....Help!
Q. Ok so I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years, I could not ever picture my life without him but for the past couple months/weeks he has been smoking weed/grass near enough every single day.. Every time he talks to me (texting) or even when ...
A. 8 June 2011: So basically you're with a stoned cheater who has crap friends, and even turns up to pick you up stoned.
I would dump this guy, and never look back. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not always say 'I love you too.' Should I be worried?
Q. Hi there. I tell my bf I love him a lot and he does not always say it back. He's like, well, I've said it, I dont need to keep saying it. He does tell me he loves me, just not that often. Sometimes I text him 'love you' and he does not text back. S...
A. 8 June 2011: Does he show that he loves you through actions? Because my experience is that woman place too much emphasis on the words, rather than looking at the actions. If he's saying it sometimes, and more importantly he's showing that he loves you, then he ... (read in full...)
I'm going to be living with her next year and I want to tell her how I feel, but I don't want it to become awkward.....plus she has a boyfriend!
Q. I'm not sure what to do about a girl i like, it's quite complicated but i'll try to keep it short. I'm at university and have been for a year, there's a girl i really like, we're pretty close friends and i'm living in the same flat as her next...
A. 8 June 2011: If she has a boyfriend, you're out of luck. It would be hugely disrespectful and short sighted of you to try anything at this time. It would almost certainly make things awkward, and you'd not exactly look like a great prospect if you were basically ... (read in full...)
I saw my boyfriend kiss another girl!
Q. i saw my bf kiss another girl but he conntinues to kiss and hug he, but im not sure what i should do because i know he loves me but after i saw that im now not so sure. we have been going out for 3 years and he made me wear a promise ring that i ...
A. 8 June 2011: I would say that your boyfriend is a bit of a controlling hypocrite to be honest. Truth is, you really can't be sure he loves you if he treats you this way. I think that you might just be better moving on. ... (read in full...)
Should I risk losing this guy to find a 'better' one just because I'm bored?
Q. I have been in a great relationship for over 2 years, but I am getting so incredibly bored. This is by far the longest relationship I've been in, but usually I drop the guy for a new and exciting one after only a month or so. I now find myself ...
A. 8 June 2011: I think your problem is that you're expecting a man to be able to make you happy and entertain you constantly. That's not a man's job. It's your job to make yourself happy, and to entertain yourself. The right man will then join you and add to it. ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to read these books even though I'm technically more pure then most girls my age?
Q. Hello! I'm going to get straight to the point and not beat around the bush. I'm a 18 year old virgin and I love to read romance novels. Not just the nice sappy ones, I like to read the sexy intense one with wild sex in them. I love historic novels ...
A. 8 June 2011: Read what you like. There's nothing wrong with what you're reading.... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend dearly, but the sex and chemistry with my other man is amazing! What should I do?
Q. I don't want you to judge me here. Please, only reply if you have something to say which could help me out of this mess. I've had a bf for over 5 years, started an affair with a sexy man who's in a relationship too 5 months ago. We made it pretty ...
A. 8 June 2011: Simply:
Dump the boyfriend you 'love' (who you don't - he's just the safe option/back-up/Mr Reliable), and go for this new guy!
Or at the very least dump your boyfriend.
Don't let feelings of dread at being alone cloud your judgement. I... (read in full...)
I want to get back with him, just not yet!
Q. To cut a really long story short, my ex recently started talking to me again after 6 months saying he still loves me and wants us to try again? - (We split because of distance) I said no, because the distance is too far i would rather wait then get...
A. 8 June 2011: You either want to get back with him or not - period. No 'ifs', no 'buts'.
It's unfair of you and unrealistic to think about waiting around. He has no obligation to wait - and you would be cruel for suggesting that he should given the fact that you ... (read in full...)
I was going to break up with her on Friday but she's been crying!
Q. Hey guys I was going to break up with my girlfriend on the friday coming but today she told me she doesn't want to loose me when I wasnt with her today, I didn't know she wanted to be with me that much I don't want to change my mind but I don't want ...
A. 8 June 2011: Sometimes, you have to make decisions that aren't going to be popular, even if they are the right decision. That takes courage, and this is the time for it. Believe me, it's much better than hiding the truth and turning out to be a bit of a wimp.
Y... (read in full...)
Do I have a right to be annoyed?
Q. My boyfriend never agrees to go anywhere or do anything fun with me, like a holiday or to see a gig or something. Now his friend has got him tickets to go away to see a band and he's going. I know his friend payed for the tickets, but I've offered ...
A. 8 June 2011: Yes, you do have the right to be annoyed. This is very much a situation where he has chosen to throw your goodwill in your face whilst accepting his friend's. A relationship can't really work on the basis that you and your boyfriend sit around doing ... (read in full...)
He doesn't talk and I've told him I need him to open up about his feelings! Help!
Q. We're going to celebrate our 6 months anniversary (dating) - no I love you's have been said and I'm wondering is it worth staying. Just not sure he'll ever say it and I need to hear it. I know ultimatums don't work with guys but I'm thinking I'm ...
A. 8 June 2011: I think it depends on how he treats you otherwise, in terms of actions. Allow me to explain:
"Come with me and I will show you the world" - the words my father once spoke to my mother. He has since entirely failed at every level as a man, fath... (read in full...)
My mum was caught cheating on my dad! How do we get over this?
Q. My sister just rang and told me she found another man in bed with my mother. We speculated mum was cheating on dad for a while, she swore on our lives and our childrens lives that she has and never would cheat on my dad...and now this has ...
A. 7 June 2011: To be honest, there seems to be more than just cheating that is wrong here. Overall, your mother strikes me as a woman who simply is after her own end, whether it's when your father stands up for her, or whether she's cheating. I don't believe for ... (read in full...)
We spend a lot of time with another married couple and I'm falling for the other husband.....what should I do now?
Q. I am married with 2 kids. The past year we met another married couple and have really hit it off with them and been partying most every weekend together. Well the other husband was very flirty with me in the beginning, sometimes hugging me a bit too ...
A. 7 June 2011: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-mum-was-caught-cheating-on-my-dad.html
This is what happens when you cheat - your kids basically turns against you, and your marriage ends in depression and resentment.
You already have great advice her... (read in full...)
Can I believe him when he says he didn't cheat after he already cheated twice before?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We have broken up twice. The first time we broke up it was because he cheated on me. I had a feeling he did and after asking a him a couple of times if he did he finally told me he had cheated, but he ...
A. 7 June 2011: Twice before! Not only can't you trust him, but the time has also come for you to really look at yourself and ask yourself why you allow this treatment. Happy, confident women don't allow themselves to be treated this way, and this is probably a ... (read in full...)
What really happened here? He said he was leaving her for me and would step up and be a man, but I have not heard from him in a month!
Q. Hello, My question is, I'm confused about my x, we broke up about a year ago...we didn't see each other for the whole year, we were under strict rules not to, after the year was up he came right to me, told me how much he had missed me, loved me...
A. 16 May 2011: He'll never leave her. Don't you see? The guy's a moocher. He lives off one woman, and is trying to get another to have sex with him. Thankfully, you didn't give in this time - and look what happened, he cut contact.
The guy's a bum, and he'll neve... (read in full...)
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