A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys. Firstly sorry for this being so long, im just so confused right now. I previously asked a question which was titled 'Playing with fire...' In that i basically said that me and my bf are in a long distance relationship (a very long one) and although i love my bf and hes funny, caring etc, i always feel theres something missing and i dont know what. He's talked about marrying me and whilst he hasnt proposed, i always think to myself could i marry him eventhough i know theres something missing? I recently went and stayed with him for a few months but since i have returned to the UK, i have had alot of male attention both friends and randoms. One friend im texting every day and he is so good to me, i feel bad because i love my bf but this guy ticks all the boxes ecxept for one - hes not my boyfriend.Lately we have been arguing alot and not talking as much as we use to. I had never cheated on him (even with my friend) and i've gone by his word that he hasnt cheated on me either. Last weekend i went out all 3 nights and had an amazing time, i had so much attention off men, i had them constantly going out of their way to talk to me and then i ended up kissing one guy and going home with another and sleeping with him. At the time, i was loving every minute of it, then when i went home i couldnt face my bf when he called to see how my night went. The guilt is hanging over me, and i dont know whether to tell my bf or go by the saying 'what he doesnt know wont hurt him'. BUT the other guy who i have been texting has now said he has so many feelings for me and we got on so well (which we do). I've had alot of problems with my bf's ex girlfriend and she physically stalked me at my bfs house when i went to stay, and his family even took her side. I put so much hard work into our relationship and being nice to his family, but it feels like its all been thrown back in my face. When i was over there, he was constantly texting and emailing other girls, which caused numerous arguements, but every time he told me to stop being paranoid and that nothing was going on, they're just his friends. That knocked my confidence and my trust for him. Maybe that is the missing piece? Maybe i cant trust him? My BIG question is, am i staying with my boyfriend for all the wrong reasons? why did i cheat on him? isit because im looking for the missing piece? What should i do next?
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cheated on me, confidence, ex girlfriend, kissing, long distance, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): Once you cheat on someone, it means you have lost respect for him. You keep trying to justify your actions saying how he texts other girls and that isn't right. But you are doing the same thing back home. Actually going out and kissing guys. That's cheating sweetie. So in effect, you have cheated 2 times.
I'm not saying its wrong. I have never been able to do the LDR thing. I just crave physical human contact. I think it's natural. One might be able to hold out if it is a temporary thing, but in my opinion lasting more than 1 year is way too much.
Cheating is just plain wrong. The reasons you are doing it though, are normal. But I agree with Caring Guy. this relationship has reached as far as it will go. You need to end it for both your sakes. It sounds like you both have plenty of suitors and will be just fine.
If you try to keep it alive it will be filled with distrust and arguments. Trust me.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 June 2010):
You're not fulfilled by your boyfriend, you're not really happy with him and you're not getting attention. You don't trust him at all. And now you've cheated with two men. I think they're all very good reasons to end it. It's clear that the LDR thing just isn't for you at all. You need to end it so you can both move on.
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