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*oanne714
writes:My wife knows I am a crossdresser so why was she so angry at me when I came home the other night.I was completely dressed, with a full make over, my eyebrows plucked super thin with a high arch in them and my ears pierced. She said she knows that I have been taking hormones and one of her friends said she saw me making out with a man while I was wearing my wife's clothes. She asked me if I wanted to be a woman, of course I said yes. I just don't understand why my wife is upset Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2017): First off you cheated on her.Of course she is mad.You lied to her to get her to marry you and that is also a big reason for her to be mad.Then to top that off you wore her clothes and stretched them all out and ruined them.This has got to be fake.No one can be this ignorant.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (10 June 2017):
 If you want to be a woman, you're probably transgender, not a cross dresser.
Aside from that, of you did kiss someone, your a cheater and that's never okay.
See a therapist and figure out ignore you are a woman or if you just like dressing up in drag.
Either way, you can't kiss other people while you're married.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 June 2017):
 My esteemed fellow aunts have hit it right on the button here, but there's something else I need to point out to you, which is a far simpler reason why she's upset at you:
Making out with someone else while you're married is CHEATING.
What the hell does it MATTER whether or not you were wearing women's clothing and making out with another man vs. making out with a woman?? This isn't about tolerance for gender preference. This is about tolerance for CHEATING while married!!!
You're a married PERSON. Whether it's man, woman, or transgender, you made marriage vows saying you would be faithful and love, honor, and cherish the PERSON you're married to. Your journey as a transgender woman or as a cross-dresser doesn't automatically cancel out your marriage vows to HER, and the idea that you expect her to be sympathetic and tolerate you cheating on her is beyond insane. The fact that you're doing it in HER clothes adds insult to injury.
Women aren't fond when other WOMEN take their clothes without asking. Stay the hell OUT of your wife's wardrobe. It's not your play area.
STOP CHEATING on your wife! Cheating is offensive whether you're gay, straight, trans, bisexual, gender fluid, asexual, or any kind of sexual. Your pronoun isn't more important than your marriage vows. Do the right thing by your wife and either be FAITHFUL to her and stop touching other people, or divorce her, let her go, and let her be with someone else.
People who come out as trans while married isn't unheard of, but your actions are still something you're responsible for. She didn't sign up for you to be a cheater in the name of gender exploration. Cheating is cheating, and you are now putting her at STI risk for having casual sexual encounters.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 June 2017):
 Did you ask her?
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (10 June 2017):
 Wow. Just wow.
You want her to be ok with your sex change and cheating and eventual divorce. Not to mention stealing her clothes?
She should just smile and take it as her life shatters all around her?
Yeah, what is her problem? Its not like shes a person huh.
Well you dont seem to think so.
Please take a good hard look at yourself and try to understand how selfish you are.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (10 June 2017):
 I cannot quite make up my mind whether this is a wind up or not, but let's assume it is genuine.
Having experience of someone who did exactly the same thing (also late in life, like you), I can tell you your wife (and family, if you have any children) will be devastated! You are so self absorbed with what YOU want, you feel your wife should empathize with you but YOU obviously have ZERO empathy for HER. Just for a minute (because I don't hold out hope you can do this for any longer because you have so much other "exciting" stuff going on in your head), imagine how you would have felt if you had suddenly found out your WIFE was taking hormones and grew a beard. Would that not have shaken you up and turned your world upside down?
Assuming these hormones you have been taking are from a credible source (i.e. a doctor), you must have surely discussed changing gender with him/her. Do you not think the first person you should have discussed all this with was your wife? After all, she is the one whose life is being turned upside down without any agreement from her. If she wrote in here, I would advise her, given the completely selfish way in which you have gone about this, to walk out TODAY and divorce you as quickly as possible. I do understand changing gender is a MAJOR thing, but can you REALLY not understand how shocked and upset your wife is? Not only with the gender change but also that you are running around in HER clothes, CHEATING on her?
The first thing you need to do is sit down with your poor wife and APOLOGIZE for the way you have treated her. She is a human being. She married you as a man with no suspicions you were going to change into a woman. Also she did not think you were going to run around, cheating on her.
Secondly, buy your OWN clothes. How dare you take her clothes without permission?
In the UK we have the Beaumont Society who offer advice and support to people in yours and your wife's position. I assume you have something similar in the USA? Your wife needs to get in touch with them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2017): Get it straight we women have this thing for our men being masculine and strong in self confidence and strength. What your doing is beginning to be a cuckold
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2017): EDIT: "The you lay a whammy on her!"
Correction: "Then you lay a whammy on her!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2017): Sir, your wife is a trooper for dealing with the cross-dressing. Then you insult her by borrowing her clothing?
Get your own!!!
Why would you be out with another man; when you have a wife?
Now you say she is upset, because you want to be a woman?
Are you so completely self-absorbed that you can't empathize with her? Enough is enough! You've pushed the envelope, and you're quite selfish to boot!
I'm gay; so I'll be completely honest with you. You've asked, and here's an honest answer.
She's upset because she married a man. She wanted a husband, and she wanted you to always be the person she married. Not become someone else.
Got it?!!!
You've got a woman who stuck her neck out for you. The you lay a whammy on her!
You lead her to believe you are a heterosexual-male, who liked cross-dressing. Now you spring it on her you want a gender-transition. That was really the case all the long; and you were not totally honest with her when you married her.
If she decides to divorce you. Please don't be surprised.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (10 June 2017):
 I second Honeypie. 100%.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2017): Did your wife know you were a cross dresser and wanna-be woman the day she married you?Or did you pull this revelation on her after she said I DO?Either way, I totally get why your wife is upset.She isn't into women. She isn't interested in being married to a woman. She loves YOU. She wants YOU. THE MAN. Not a woman. Not some other person.You really should have gotten your identity crisis resolved before marrying her. Now, it's too late. She is being dragged down by your own ambiguity. That is unfair and wrong. Are you a man or a woman? If you want to be a woman, then so be it. But give her the opportunity to divorce you if she is not happy with that. Why should she have to settle if you are happy and she is not? There are two people in a relationship. And it seems to me you are very self indulgent and selfish. It seems to me like you want her to suck it all up and put up with whatever you want. Sorry, but it does not work that way. She is her own person and she gets to decide what is best for her. Not you. You do as you wish. But she has the same rights. I wouldn't like my husband dressing as a woman. I have dressed mine up in women's clothes for fun during sexual play. Did his makeup and everything. We had a good time with it. But he would not go around doing it behind my back. We enjoyed it together while it lasted. Not judging you. Do what you want. Whatever makes you happy. But it is very selfish of you to just expect her to go along with whatever you want if she doesn't like it. Can you compromise? Dress up only on weekends? That is it? I mean, how obsessed are you with this? Would you go so far as to have a sex change? Or to live as a woman? Because this would be a totally different kettle of fish to you just dressing up as a female because you enjoy cross dressing. It seems to me you are pretty deep into this alter personality you have going. What guy plucks his eyebrows super thin, has full make up on, pierces his ears and takes hormones when he is not dead serious about becoming a woman? That is over the top serious.You need to figure out who you are and where you want to go with this. Perhaps you are in limbo on how far you want to take it but you do need to decide soon. It is not fair to drag her through all your whims and uncertainties. Nobody likes to permanently ride a roller coaster.Your wife could also worry you have homosexual tendencies and will cheat on her with men. This is a very logical assumption considering your hobby and identity issues. She doesn't want to make love to a woman nor share her life with a woman. She is not feeling safe or secure with you at the moment. She probably hasn't felt safe or secure in a long time and your latest dress up episode was just the straw that broke the camel's back. That is the bottom line. She is feeling vulnerable to things changing. To you changing. To your marriage changing. To the unknown. She is upset because she is worried. Worried about losing you, her husband. The MAN she married.I think you'd better step inside her shoes for a while. How would you like it if she liked dressing up as a man and wanted to become a man??? Would you like that? BE HONEST NOW. NO? I didn't think so.You are going to have to have a serious, in depth talk with her about where all this is going. And be completely honest. You cannot live a lie. And you cannot expect her to live a lie being married to you either.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 June 2017):
 She is upset because she thought she married a man. Not a man who likes to "play" woman or WANTS to be a woman.
Did she know and AGREE to marry you knowing you liked to cross-dress? Or is the cross-dressing something that you "found" later on? And when you DID, did you TALK to your wife? Did you give a CHOICE?
I can tell you this, if my husband of 20 years came home one evening in my clothes, we would have a long talk and I would then decide if I wanted to stay married or not. To be honest, I don't think I would. Would I support him in HIS choice to either change gender or cross dress, SURE - but not accept that he goes out kissing and whatnot other men nor stay married.
That might make me narrow-minded, but If I had wanted to LIVE and MARRY a woman (or someone wanting to be one) I would have MARRIED a woman or a transgender.
And wearing her clothes? TOTAL no-no. If you want to DRESS like a woman GET your own clothes.
You don't seem to understand HER needs either, do you? If you go out in HER clothes and KISS other men? Is SHE supposed to sit at home and shut up and be happy? Are you serious?
Most of the people I have read about who decide LATER in life to either change gender or cross-dress their marriages usually ends. Because there is a lack of honesty and trust.
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