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What's going on? What should I do? He manipulated me into ending our relationship two days before New Year

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 December 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 December 2014)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I wrote a few weeks ago because my new boyfriend, who had showered me with attention, flowers, dinners, mix tapes, texts, at the start, had gone a bit quiet with me.

The first time I stayed over his house (and the first time we had sex), he had acted very strange and off with me all of a sudden, which upset me, which made him act more strange.

He has young children and was spending Christmas with them last week so I gave him plenty of space last week, thinking maybe he was stressed out about this and having to spend time with his ex again. He separated three years ago but the divorce is just going through.

Last night we had our 'Christmas'. I cooked him dinner and we exchanged gifts. He was quiet when he came over. I said I had been looking forward to seeing him but he didn't respond. So, I asked where he was at.

He said that he couldn't explain why but he felt panicked and something near dread when he was about to see me, something he hadn't felt before.

He said that this was mixed with the fact that he still liked me.

It was very confusing and hurtful.

He had invited me to spend New Year with him and his friends who I had never met before. I explained to him that I wanted to go, but that it would be important for him to actually treat me like his girlfriend as I would not know anyone. He said he never thought that I wouldn't go - but wouldn't actually say that he wanted me to.

I told him that I felt like he was trying to manipulate me into ending the relationship because he was unable to do so. He said that was not the case but later in the night, came out with 'this just isn't working for me'.

I asked him to leave, I was devastated and felt manipulated.

Already he has changed his plans to go to new york for new year. I have no plans yet and feel really messed around. He sent me an email this morning saying sorry, that he isn't in the right place for a relationship even though he thought that he was. He tells me there isn't anyone else but I don't know if I believe him.

Only three weeks ago he was showering me with affection and wanted me to meet his family and friends. I am at a loss as to what I have done and I am so sad.

What do you think is going on, and what should I do?

View related questions: christmas, divorce, flowers, his ex, text

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 December 2014):

Honeypie agony auntLeave him alone, the guy is a flake.

My guess? Either he DID met someone else (which is why he is heading to NY for New Years)or he JUST isn't as into you as he WANTED to be.

I think he came on WAY to strong as it was and maybe he did too.

Let him go. And honestly, if you are on social sites with him as a "friend" like Facebook, block &delete him, there IS no point in keeping tabs on each other.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (30 December 2014):

Aww, that is so hard. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I'm afraid there is only one thing you CAN do-move on with grace and class.

Don't call him. Don't chase after him. Don't beg for another chance. He has told you how he feels, and has made it clear he does not want a relationship with you. Whether or not there is someone else really doesn't even matter at this point. You can't beg, plead, or force someone to have feelings they don't, nor should you want to.

Go forth and heal!

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