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What makes a person act like my ex did?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Family, Love stories, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 August 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 9 August 2017)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I was dating a guy for about two years. Around April of 2017 he breaks off the relationship. I was being needy and angry during that time because I was in my senior year of college and it was finals. And my father had stage four cancer he got really sick in april and passed away. So, it was a really hard month for me I had a ton of homework and I was visiting my father when I could I was also working part time. The guy I had been dating had left me during April stating that he did not have time to comfort me, and he did not know how, and that his father was coming into town and he really wanted to make his dads trip nice. So he spent thousands on his dad just to impress him (his dad is rich and was never around growing up). My ex lied to his dad telling his dad that him and I were still together. When his dad came my family and I were all making funeral arrangements for my father.

His dad actually called me and he kept asking about me and he lied to his dad by telling him that I was just busy with dealing with my father and school. I called his dad back and I agreed to meet him, my mom said just make a good impression and I did his dad liked me. I later then tell my ex that it was not okay that he lied to his dad. A few weeks later my ex and I were hanging out. I joked with him and I said I would marry you and he looked puzzled and said you would and I then said yeah. The next day he said lets go for a hike and we did then with his drone he proposed. He brought a really nice ring and I asked if he talked to my mom about asking for my hand he said no. In January he kept asking my dad to dinner and lunch but my dad had a bunch of doctors appointments so my dad kept canceling then he was in the hospital he could not talk or walk anymore.

Anyway long story short he broke off the engagement at the end of July. It did not hurt as bad as I thought he asked for the ring back I said no, but im giving it back to him. I do not want to see him again so my brother in law is giving it back to him. My only question is, who in their right mind would do that to another human being? My ex apologized several times he kept stating that im in love with you, but your just not my soul mate, like what??? I was like okay, I've been through enough this year if you want to leave then leave. But who does that to another person like why who in their right mind does that?

View related questions: my ex, soulmate

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico + , writes (9 August 2017):

"who in their right mind would do that to another human being?"

Rich spoiled kids.

You see, think that break up as BLESSING, since that guy was probably not good for you, neither does his family. That guy had no regards for your feelings or for what you have been through all these months, so it's a BIG RED FLAG about how he is in reality. He wanted to impress his father, instead of helping you cope with your father's health problems.

Just imagine, if you were to really marry, and you were in the hospital, that guy would just ditch you just to hang around his rich father. That guy has no empathy for anyone other than himself.

Consider yourself lucky. Take good care of your father and all of the things you need to get sorted out. Keep up your hard work.

Then the storm is over, pick up the pieces, learn the lessons you need to learn, and move on. Try to look for a person that is not so selfish, egotistical, materialistic, and who does have empathy for other human beings.

There are good guys out there, you just need to find them.

I wish you the best luck!

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A male reader, judgedick France + , writes (8 August 2017):

judgedick agony auntmy deepest condolences, that guy is a self-centered pin that does not know what he is doing, needs time to get his head straight and figure out where he is going, by then it will be too late for him and then he will be trying to find ways to win you back, I have seen it too often

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (8 August 2017):

Anonymous 123 agony auntThere. Right there. Your father was dying and this guy says that he doesn't have the "time" to comfort you, he doesn't "know" how to and he'd rather be with his own father and impress him. This is when you should have walked away immediately without another word. What you did instead was to tell him a few days later that you would marry him. You should have shown more self respect. Maybe he thinks you're wth him for the money? Maybe he proposed to make you feel better momentarily?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (8 August 2017):

I give you my deepest condolences on the loss of your father. I'm also very sorry that you had to face so much without comfort from someone who claims to love you. That can be very tough on anyone. No matter how strong you are.

You can tell who really cares about you and just how much, by whether they are by your side through good-times and bad-times. He left you during the worst time in your life; and said he didn't know how to comfort you. That's a red-flag. He bails-out on you in the middle of a crisis.

Huge red-flag.

He lies. He's indecisive and inconsistent; three more major red-flags.

You ducked a bullet. You're a very strong young woman. I say this with the utmost sincerity. You deserve better; and you'll find it.

God bless and watch over you!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 August 2017):

Honeypie agony auntFirst off, I'm sorry for the loss of your father.

As much as this all hurt, be glad you dodged a bullet. Can you imagine being married, raise a family to a guy who will LIE to his own father, have OTHER (you) lie to his father so he can look good?

He didn't have enough empathy and care to stick with you during your father's illness (and you know what? He could still have had some pleasant times with his father visiting with OUT dumping you.... that is such a BULLSHIT excuse).

All this guy CARE about is himself, I hope you have chosen to TOTALLY cut him out of your life. He isn't worthy.

What makes a person act like this? I wish I knew and could give you THE answer but all I can say is that he out of your life and THAT is a good thing. Someone who will do this? Is not someone to keep around.

Don't WASTE any more time, emotions or thoughts as to this guy. CUT him off, 100% - block his number, delete it, remove him from all social media etc. etc. IF his father EVER calls don't lie to the man.

And yes, GIVE the ring back. Don't keep mementos. He isn't worth remembering.

YOU didn't do anything that justifies his actions.

And don't be so quick to suggest marriage to someone you had recently rekindled things with. Don't take back a dud. If someone dumps you - LET them go. Don't hang out and don't take them back. It rarely works out.

Chin up, you have your whole life ahead of you, put this asshat FIRMLY in your past and cut all contact. You can do better than that.

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