A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear All, I have always been a faithful wife. I even looked down on those whom got their lives messed up by having an affair. A little over a year ago, I ran into a man whom counseled my ex and I when I went through the divorce. I was so messed up and had two little boys to raise on my own. He was a wonderful counselor, but I since he was a little to close. I broke off the counseling. It had been years since I had seen him, but I ran into him a little over a year ago. I hugged him and told him that I had married a wonderful Christian man just like I think that he would have wanted me to do. Accept, my husband wasn't really ok. He was terribly depressed and had been unemployed for a whole year. I told my husband about running into my old counselor and ask him if he might like to see him. I called the counselor's church and asked the minister to ask him to call my husband. When he called, I answered the telephone. He began to tell me that he had wanted to tell me something for the past 25 years. Yes, I am an older woman with love problems. I agreed to meet him to discuss what he wanted to tell me. He poured out his heart and told me that he had been in love with me all these years and that he could not let this opportunity pass without telling me. He told me that he wanted to see me. My marriage was not a wonderful marriage, but I felt safe, content and loved my husband. My husband was a mother's son and had not been able to hold a job in a long time. I had followed him here and there I gave in to my old counselor. I felt sick the night that it happened and wanted to die. I tried to run from him for six months after that night but couldn't seem to hurt him and yet still I was so much in love with my husband. I tried to tell the counselor over and over, but he would have tears in his eyes. I even once told him directly to leave me alone. He called me at least 10 times a day. My husband left me when he got a job and on his feet and moved in with his mother. I was distant through the whole year to my husband. My husband left me and I blamed myself. Once he left, I made the decision to end it with the counselor, even if it hurt him, but before that I was not strong enough. I have been mourning the loss of my husband now for 4 months. Just recently, I was able to see my husband's emails. I had forgotten that we had joint email account and I could get in. I was totally shocked with what I found. My husband had been seeing and communicating with an old friend (so he called her) since April (9 months ago). I know though that I did the right thing by running from the counselor and finally ending it. He was an ordained minister and was married. I totally adored my husband and never knew he would do anything like this. Please email me and tell me what you think about my twist. I am so much needing people to tell me exactly what I should do or have done. I have begged and begged my husband to come back to me. He didn't know about the counselor until about two weeks before I found the emails between him and this woman. They were telling each other that they love each other. One email said in the subject area - good weekend. I am still in shock.
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male
reader, faenon  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 If I was in your shoes to I'd also be reporting this councellor to the padre of the church his a hypocrite and has no place being in a position of authority in the church nor given his lack of judgement on morals he is meant to teach as anonymous said he is indeed a hypocrite.
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (2 February 2011):
 Wow, you've had a tough time of it, haven't you?Even though you say you loved your husband you were not happy in your marriage. The "counselor" took advantage of the situation, but it does take two to tango. It is really too bad you got involved with that man. It was unethical on his part and poor judgment on yours.It sounds as if your husband started having an affair when you distanced yourself from him in your marriage. I think his depression cleared up once he found a woman and got a job. He has moved on. I do not believe he will come back. You must accept that and move on too.You state, "I am so much needing people to tell me exactly what I should do or have done." I think that is really what is at the bottom of this. You need to start thinking for yourself. If you don't, you will be taken advantage of by predators like the married counselor again. It would be wise for you to enter counseling with a licensed, credentialed, reputable, therapist. This could be a psychiatrist or psychologist. Like any profession there are good therapists and bad ones, as you have learned.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): Your counselor is a Christian counselor??
then how does he justify pursuing a married woman while he himself is married???
apparently he is a hypocrite too
should he be in a position of authority in his church to give counsel to others??
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A
male
reader, faenon +, writes (2 February 2011):
Your councellor is also very unprofessional and not a true christian for pursuing a divorced then remarried woman either he shouldn't be councelling or being a minister since he thinks morals aren't worthwhile and cannot follow his own teachings.Why beg for him back? It's hearsay that he may have been seeing another woman then again he may not have been she may have indeed just been a friend he talks to or he wasn't as stupid as you think and he realised you and the so called marriage councellor were playing around don't try to play the blame game here he left you with good reason you showed the vows of marriage werent worth squat by allowing a professional with unethical views on his own help and teachings who is married as well to pursue a relationship with you.Move on any sane man will never take a deceitful woman back if they still have a pair be happy with your life find someone who is honest dont bother with the councellor nor the ex husband you cannot move forward if your constantly going back to your past period.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): Well, the counselor is a problem, you need to report him to the state licensing board. He sounds like a predator, and this probably isn't the first time he's done this.
You don't seem to know much about the relationship between your husband and this other woman, or don't put it out there.
"terribly depressed and had been unemployed for a whole year"
Perhaps you both need some counseling, with an ethical counselor.
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