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We've become really close and he likes me ... but he has a girlfriend!

Tagged as: Cheating, Crushes, Flirting, Friends, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2017)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

So, I've been friends with this guy for about 5 months now. Yet, somehow, I can't remember much of my life before our friendship. We've become really close. He has admitted to liking me but we never actually got together because he had a girlfriend. This all happened about a month ago. I had just begun to think that all the drama had gone away. Yesterday he told me that he has a plan. I asked him to tell me more, but he wouldn't tell me. He said that he can't tell anyone. So, today I continued trying to get something out of him. At some point he asked a question that I definitely wasn't prepared for. "What would you do if I were to hug you." I told him that I don't know, which was an honest answer. Later he told me that that was his plan. I'm having trouble believing that that was all he was up to because that doesn't really sound much like a plan. So, I guess that I have 2 questions. Was he telling the truth? What should I do knowing that the guy I like wants to hug me?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (18 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe is trying to get in to your knickers! Honestly its the oldest trick in the book, his plan is to ask for a hug and try for more! He sounds like he would happily cheat on his poor girlfriend! Honestly your best bet would be to stay away from this selfish guy!

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A female reader, Flabby Thighs United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2017):

You've been hooked my dear.. Start distancing yourself from this loser. Grow a backbone and get yourself some standards!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (18 May 2017):

He's planning to cheat on his girlfriend. I think a hug is just a prelude to sex. Don't stoop to being the girl he used to cheat on his girlfriend. That's low, and I don't think you would like it if some girl stole your boyfriend.

Don't get in the habit of being the girl some guy cheats with. That makes you cheap and proves the guy in the middle has no respect for you, or his girlfriend. It also says your character is questionable, if you're a willing accomplice.

Let him betray his girlfriend with somebody else. Don't lower yourself to sneaking around behind some other girl's back.

What goes around, comes around! Someday you'll be the girl with a cheating boyfriend; and you won't like how that feels.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 May 2017):

Honeypie agony auntHe sounds like a complete selfish idiot, to be honest.

HE HAS a GF! and he is TOYING with your feelings. If he was REALLY so into you, he would end it with the GF and pursue YOU.

I think you are being naive and a bit... silly to go along with these mind games of his.

You don't remember life before this friendship? Oh, come on. You have known him for 5 months. Sounds like you are looking for excuses to help this guy cheat on his GF. It sounds like you have feelings for him and HE knows it. He isn't "just" a friend to you.

Just remember a GUY who is WILLING to cheat on his GE with you... IS just as capable of cheating on you.

What should you do about this "hug"?

HOW would you feel if your BF was telling girls he wanted to HUG them and that he LIKED them? Would you like that? Would you think WOW he is a really good BF!

PUT yourself in HER shoes for a few.

This all sounds like drama waiting to happen and you are naive to think it's out of your control. YOU are in control of you - or you should be.

WHO cares if he wants a hug?! If you really IS a friend then keep that out of the picture and ACT like a friend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2017):

It sounds like he is a game player and a cheater. 1) He admitted to liking you when he had a girlfriend. 2) He isn't being upfront with you, he is drawing you in hoping he can get something out of you (I hate to say but probably sex)

I've been reeled in by these kinds of men at a younger age too. They never change. They are sweet as pie in the beginning and once they have you, they lose interest and move on as fast as they came into your life.

If he admitted to liking you when he was with another girl, he'll more than likely do the same thing to you if you are with him.

I think you should forget about this one.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (18 May 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Yes, another vote for " testing the waters ". I believe the " plan " could entail something more than a hug, in time if not on the spot, if you had had a warmer reaction to his hug offer.

What should you do , knowing etc.?.... You should remember, and keep reminding yourself, that he can say he likes you all he wants, but, in practice , he has a girlfriend, so how much can he actually like you, - if he keeps dating another girl ?

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 May 2017):

N91 agony auntTo be honest, I'd be slightly concerned at the fact that someone in a relationship is going around telling other girls that he likes them.

His poor GF. He either breaks up with her and lets her find someone she deserves or he goes back to her and makes things work. He needs to make up his mind and stop stringing her along.

YCBS makes an interesting point that he could be testing the waters. Possibly trying to get something on the side of his relationship.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 May 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou are quite right; THAT isn't much of a plan. I would call that "trying your luck". A hug is the first step. Then what? A kiss? A snog? Sex?

I would contact him and tell him his question caught you on the back foot but, having had time to consider it, you would be appalled if the hug was a preamble to anything else while he is in a relationship. If it was just a harmless friendly hug, he would not be making such a big deal out of it and would have just done it. I suspect his plan is really to start with the hug, see how you react and, if you don't appear to mind, see how far he can go with you.

Do YOU have feelings for him? If so, then be honest but tell him nothing can happen between you while he is in a relationship. Then it is his decision whether he chooses to stay with his girlfriend and keep your relationship platonic, or whether he chooses to finish his existing relationship and start one with you.

Don't allow yourself to be coerced into being the bit on the side. You are worth more than that.

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