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My boyfriend is grounded and I feel its my fault.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 May 2017)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend has college review classes and is not allowed to go out after classes. But the other day, he broke the rules and went out to have lunch with me. When we were almost done with our lunch, his dad called him and got mad at him because his dad needed the driver. So when my boyfriend got home, his dad grounded him and fired his favorite bodyguard. Now I think it's all my fault. What can I do to comfort my boyfriend? Because he didn't call me last night.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (19 May 2017):

Denizen agony auntAre you really between 18 and 21?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (18 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI think you need to give us more details. A bodyguard? What age is this boy? I mean who grounds a adult? He has his own mind. He is free to live his own life.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (18 May 2017):

Sounds like his father is somewhat of a control-freak. I think there is a problem when a man 18, or older, can be grounded like a child. If they knew he was out with you, I think the objective is to keep him away from you. Almost to the point of house-arrest. At his age that is exactly what it is. House-arrest!!!

Is he wearing an ankle-bracelet? I think you may have left out a few details.

Why does your boyfriend need a body-guard? I would assume he is the son of a diplomat or an official; but hopefully his father isn't involved in anything unsavory.

You can offer him your support and apology for encouraging him to make a "prison-break;" but it isn't your fault. He is fully responsible for his own actions. That is, if he isn't under a court-appointed house-arrest and you simply neglected to mention the fact. Be that the case, his father has a right to be angry.

The fact he is "grounded" makes no sense. A flag above your post usually denotes your country of origin; but I have a feeling you're not in America. I think it is safe to assume you're from another culture. I suggest you comply with his father's wishes and don't get yourself too involved in this situation. A grown-man who has to return home after school is under more than just being "grounded!" Your concern doesn't make much sense either.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 May 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntbodyguard? just how wealthy is this catch?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2017):

I can't believe your boyfriend is in college and is "grounded!" It sounds like his parents have way too much control over his life. Have you considered whether you want to be with him long term? It's obvious his parents carry some narcissistic behaviors and you may have to put up with them being like this towards him (and you) for a long time.

Going back to your question....I think you could politely tell your boyfriend to stand up to his parents...he is old enough and more than capable of making his own decisions - he needs to explain this to them and the fact that he wanted to have lunch with you! You are supposed to be the most important girl in his life, right?

I don't think it is your fault in any way. He made the decision to go with you and it's his job to fix the tension between himself and his parents. He shouldn't be upset with you either, it could have been anyone he was with when he was caught....a sibling, a cousin, a friend....don't be hard on yourself it's not your fault.

Just talk to him and get him to chat to his parents.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2017):

Denizen agony auntHe's grounded? He's a grown man for heaven's sake. Some people have already left home by that age and are holding down a job and paying for their own accommodation.

This is not your fault. In fact, looking at it one way, taking a break for lunch could be a good thing for anyone in his situation. And he should be the one to decide what he wants to do. The proviso always is that actions have consequences, and that is a life lesson.

Do his parents think you are a bad distraction for him? Sounds like they are overbearing. What kind of society do you live in?

Send him a text and let him know you will make things up to him when he, 'Gets out of jail'. Until then lay low.

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