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My crush is suddenly avoiding me!

Tagged as: Crushes, Flirting, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2017)
A female age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I met my personal trainer end of March 2017 and immediately we clicked. We had so much fun together we would laugh all the time. He inspired me to push harder and even to go to the gym. Sometimes he would touch me in an unusual flirtatious way (but i liked it) he even made discounts for me I ended up training for free with him and he didn't mind at all. So I had to go home for holidays since i am a student. I told him that I was going home for holidays so I asked for his number which he nicely gave them to me. I came back after two weeks then took another two weeks without going to gym. We only texted three times via Whatsapp since I had his number. First it was when I told him I was going home he replied "it's okay I will see you when you come back." Secondly was when I asked him how can I freeze my gym account, again he replied immediately with some long gym process on how to freeze it at that moment. The third time was when I told him that I missed gym, he asked immediately "when are you cpmiing back" then rectified "coming*". I said next week and asked him if he would still be helping me, he said "we will talk when you come". I said ok I will be coming tomorrow. Through out this time he would view my posts all the time but stopped viewing them two days before our meeting. The next day I went to gym on my normal gym time and found him waiting straight at the entrance as if he was waiting for someone. It was the first time I saw him looking nervous and a mess. He normally looks well groomed and full of energy. I was walking with a lady who was working there apparently she told me that she just started dating my trainer and it has been a month now. I was shocked but happy for her at the same time sad for myself because I have a crush on him too but she didn't know. While we were busy talking he was walking around us like a mad man. Going up and down, standing behind us then moving away and then coming back to stand behind us. I finished talking to the lady then found him standing behind me tall. I told him we can talk as he had said. He told me a long story that I believe he made up then ended up with, "would you mind paying again?" before i could answer he said "ok. I will help where I can. I have a class now". Then rushed to his swimming class. I worked out alone he ignored me the whole time. He has been avoiding me for three days now. I don't know what I did wrong to him. He comes off to me as a sensitive guy who cares about helping people but has an attitude of an extrovert. I have a crush on him but also do not want to break his relationship and I don't mind working with him professionally. So now he treats me as if I do not exist? Does it mean he likes me back? Is he losing interest in me? Why is he making this situation awkward it is not like we dated before why are personal issues now involved in our training? He still kept my number but he keeps ignoring me. Help

View related questions: crush, flirt, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (18 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly it sounds like he was nervous because he saw you both chatting and he knew that he crossed the line letting you train for free. Other than that my guess is that he knows you have a crush on him so he is taking a step back because he has a girlfriend. He is probably doing you a favor.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2017):

I used to work in a gym and I can tell you with certainty personal trainers flirt with everyone. I think it's part of their job description. Take it with a grain of salt and don't count on anything. Don't bother over-analyzing or putting too much thought into this.

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A female reader, Flabby Thighs United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2017):

Just move on. What do you want him to say? He can't really say much. Its not going to be business as normal with a girlfriend. Stop over thinking it and develop a new crush.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (18 May 2017):

He was flirting, but some unsavory trainers take advantage of their infatuated clients. It's good business for trainers to be friendly, encouraging, and upbeat. Some take it above and beyond the call of duty; and even if the client likes it, it's inappropriate. He was flirting because he knows you were open to it; while getting paid for his services. That's somewhat double-dipping. Money and the possibility of fooling around with a consenting client.

Most of the time, it doesn't go beyond teasing and titillating; just to get the client hot and bothered enough to get them to sign-up for more expensive training.

Trainers are usually attractive, built, and a little conceited. The attention can go to their heads, especially if they find a client attractive. Usually it's all about the money, and they treat all their clients the same. Some straight-trainers even take advantage of gay clients; if they think they can get them to sign-up for extra classes or programs. Again, that's just to increase business. Some less than ethical gyms encourage it. For the most part, they don't condone inappropriate contact with clients. That's a big liability for their business.

Get yourself a new trainer. If his girlfriend confronted you; she knows exactly what you're up to, and she will see that he gets fired. You took it too far! If the situation was reversed, and it was your boyfriend; I don't think you'd be too happy about it. You'd be up in some girl's grill letting her know he's taken!

Like N91 says, you're reading a bit too much into this.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 May 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYep, two things:

1. he has a GF - he was WAITING for her to show up (not you). And he was nervous because he knew he has crossed some lines WITH you and didn't want you to tell his GF. He knows you have a crush on him and while it might be flattering, he might also feel a bit guilty for having it gone so far.

2. He had gotten in trouble for letting you train for free. That is why he mentioned paying for it again.

While he MAY be a caring guy, MANY personal trainers are friendly and flirty by nature, THAT is how they get people to come back, work harder and to PAY the Gym.

If you want to continue to train there, look for another trainer or do it on your own.

And let go of the crush. He has a GF.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (18 May 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Probably because he got upbraided by the gym's owner / management for letting you train with him for free. If he is an employee- he is incredibly lucky that they did not fire him ( but you may be sure he has been really chewed out ). But even if he is a free agent working with the gym based on some sort of per hour or commission or whatever agreement ... they won't like that he is taking up space, time and gym equipment with no monetary compensation, when it could go to paying clients. Plus, in any case and whatever it's his business relationship with the gum, his behaviour is extremely unprofessional and unfair to payong clients.I bet the gym does not want the news to spread around and people think that this is the gym where if you are young and cute and flirt with the right people, you can have huge discounts or even train for free. I 'd bet that this is not the kind of professional reputation they want, and I bet he got rapped on his knuckles for doing you a favour too many. If he wants to train for free , he needs to open his OWN gym.

This, first ; and second, I think that , even before starting dating his gf, he was diplomatically trying to curb your enthusiasm for him as a person and making it into an enthusiasm for exercise in general.

The sparse communication you had by Whatsapp sound absolutely neutral and business related. It is very possible that he was more flirty in person , at first- as most gym trainers are , it sort of is within their job description, to drum up business and keep people coming- like bartenders, you know ? And of course it may also be that he found you physically attractive, and / or personable and fun to be with ( hence the discounts )- but he realized that you were developping expectations and getting ideas, which he did not want encourage, and least of all now that he has a gf in the same workplace.

Keep your distance, and keep your exchanges to professional, polite and civil. Unless you want to make things hard for him both with his gf and his bosses ? In fact, since now you have to pay anyway, might as well go train with another instructor. It's a crush- and the less you feed it, the faster it will go away.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2017):

I understand he might be off limits but why is he treating me as if I have done something wrong to him. It is as if I was never his client and we just met for the first time.I am thinking of a romantic scenario from his actions the way he is so cold to me makes me awkward and question myself if this is professional or personal or if i am the only one he does this to. I want to move on as I do I would also like to understand what is going on. Thanks

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 May 2017):

N91 agony auntAre you being serious?

He has a GF, what would make you think he's interested in pursuing you?

YOU'RE the one making it awkward by thinking this is some kind of romantic scenario. He is TAKEN, your post didn't indicate that he liked you even before he had a GF so I really don't see where you're coming from at all.

He is a personal trainer, they are confident and flirty people by nature which helps them gain clients. You're thinking way too much into this. You need to forget about this guy because he is off limits.

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