A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My partner and I have been together for two years now and we have both been married before. We would like to have a child together but I am worried about my age. I have just turned 39 and I worry that is too old. My partner is 42 and he is not worried about it. I really want to do it but I can't help but worry. Is it silly of me to worry about this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 To female anon who said that you have lived through it and for them to think of their baby. May I say that you should be thankful you had two parents who loved you and supported you. Lots off children end up in care and orphaned. They are the ones that have a hard time. 39 is hardly to old to start trying for a baby. Even if their is a higher risk off downsyndrome that does not mean they would not love their child any less. It was unfortunate your mum took sick when you where 13. I mean at 53 she was very young to have taken sick. But again that could happen to someone in their 30s or 40s with a 13 year old. So please don't put someone off having a child just based on what happened you. As I said their are plenty of children who are teenagers with no parents and nobody to guide them in life, so could yourself lucky.
A
female
reader, angiebear50 +, writes (5 May 2017):
 I had my first at 23 and second at 30 I've been with my new partner for 17 years he's a fantastic dad but they're not his biological children . You would never know..I got sterilized reluctantly at 30 due to an abusive ex husband and really wanted to give my partner the chance to have his own child although he wasnt really bothered as my two kids are his two kids ..sadly due to I'll health I had the menopause at 44 but if you live in England the Nottingham fertility clinic will do egg and fertility treatments as long as you do bit before your 52nd birthday yes 52 . If you want a child then age is not an issue c I would have been a great mum again at 51 but we couldn't get the money together in time around £5/£6000 worth a try. High success rate even better if you havent reached the menopause..
regards
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2017): Maybe you should think about adopting an older child.My mother was 40 when she had me...my dad was 52. The generation gap was huge. My father died before I was 17 my mother had poor health when I was 13. My mother got to see her grandchildren born and that was about it.She died never seeing them at a school play.When she died too me was way too soon.You also risk having a baby with downs...face it your eggs are old and this is what could happen. My parents were to old and sick to ever attend any school funtions....high shool graduations even my 8 grade graduation because by then they were so old they could not handle stars. Can you imagine how much fun it was for me to skip my teen years to become a caretaker? I think if you have a baby now you are looking at what you want....not what is best for the baby. I lived it it is not fun.Please do not do this...it would not be fair to the baby.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2017): I don't think you are too old. I am currently pregnant with my first child, and I am 39. My husband will be 44 when our son is born.I think there are a lot of positives to being an older parent. You have a better foundation in your life and can bring a lot more experience and education to your child's life. There is even scientific research that claims there may be health benefits to having children later to both you and the child. Some research also shows that children do better in school and are more likely to attend college when they are born to older parents.There may also be some worries, like not having as much time with elderly grandparents, and worrying about the parents' longevity. However, people are living a lot longer overall then ever before. If you both want to start a family now, don't let your age stop you. R
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2017): you are understandably anxious about starting a family.
Yet the longer you delay the harder it may be for you to get pregnant.
Though you will never never know if you keep on being hesitant to even start.
Try not to listen to that naysayers who predict doom and gloom if you have a baby late in life.
And the sooner you start the sooner you will find out if you are a person who can get pregnant easily, or not.
And if you do find it difficult to get pregnant then the sooner you know that
The better.
Because from all accounts IVF is very expensive and stressful.
Try to keep a relaxed outlook and do things that make you happy.
From all that I've seen amongst friends it seems that the most laidback relaxed couples get pregnant more easily
Yes, you are worrying far too much. That is not going to help you get pregnant.
Live a little. Take time out to relax. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Do things that leave you relaxed and de-stressed.
Ensure that your husband is similarly able to relax and enjoy life.
Do things together that make you both feel good. Take time to go for leisurely walks together. Ensure you both eat healthy and live healthy.
Enjoy each other and fill your lives with happy experiences. You'll become better parents for when baby does arrive.
I started late. Never thought I wanted children. But then I met my now husband. I was 35 and fully committed to my career, and I still am.
Our first child was born when I was 37 and the overwhelming love I felt for him amazed me. I went back to work and my amazing husband took a year of paternity leave (which is available in our country) to look after the baby.
Baby number two arrived when I was 39 and yes my ever reliable husband took off another year of paternity leave, while I went back to work. My earnings are higher than my husbands.
Our third baby arrived on my 42nd birthday. And again my husband took on the role and now had three to look after while I returned to work. He is the best father anyone could ever wish for. I salute his marvellous dedication. Our children have a great relationship with both parents and are all accepting of our lifestyle where their father has probably changed them far more than I have.
My husband and I enjoy our gorgeous three children.
If you do find that you are willing to try to get pregnant and if you are eventually lucky enough to get pregnant then I suggest that you make sure you attend every Doctor appointment and tests appointment you should.
Take any supplements your Doctor suggests.
Attend the classes before birth on how to breathe properly during labor.
And eat healthy, try not to put on too much weight. Take your folic acid and calcium tablets and keep up your regular exercise level or at least take regular walks daily and you should be fine.
Our children give us immense delight.
My amazing husband has changed my outlook on having children.
I am glad I put my career first. However I have never regretted having my three beautiful children as an older mother.
And I feel blessed to have such a wonderful supportive husband who has allowed all this happiness to flow in my life since I had our children.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 May 2017):
 You age could be a problem when trying to conceive. And once you conceive, you are more likely to have a spontaneous abortion than a woman under the age of 35. However, this is all statistics, and no one knows how things will be for you. And if you do conceive, and you carry a healthy baby, then you age is not going to prevent you from being an amazing mom.
I would advice you to start tracking your cycle using Basic Body Temperature and chart it, on sites such as Fertilityfriend.com. This will enable you to see when you ovulate and make the best attempt at conceiving. If you have had no success in 6 months, it is recommended that you see your doctor to get a full check.
If you want a child together, then you should try for it.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (3 May 2017):
 It sounds a lovely thing to be planning to me, and many women in their late 30s/early 40s have trouble free pregnancies. I would make an appointment with your GP, get a health check, and if all OK, get practicing!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2017):
 I confirm what Honeypie says.
In Italy , more babies are born from women between 35 and 44 ( 49% ) than from women 25 to 35 ( 47 % ). Considering that there is also a small, but not infinitesimal, percentage of women having kids OVER 44, this means that here women giving birth before 25 will be just a 3 point something percent of the total, which btw is why it feels so wird to me reading so often on Dear Cupid " I am a teen mom of two ".. " I am 25 and I have 3 kids "... Hey I am not criticising. Your body your choice. Procreate when you want as much as you want. Just mentioning that here having kids early is basically not a thing.
What can I say ?.. It works for us :). Italians have tons of flaws, but they are a healthy.sturdy bunch with a very high life expectancy and a very low infant mortality rate . Tons of healthy and beautiful babies around here, even if born from older moms.
Bantering aside, as everybody else told you, you need a personalized advice from an health care professional, which will take into account your health history, genetic vulnerabilities, current lifestyle and physical condition,etc. and will suggest the proper tests and prenatal screenings .
It's impossible to tell you if you do have cause to be worried, without knowing anything about you. Getting pregnant and having a baby at 40 and over can be anything , from easy to impossible, according to a lot of variables.
Personally, among my relatives / friends / acquaintances there are many who got pregnant at your age or later . One at 46 and another one had twins at 47- all natural no assisted fertility. We need to be realistic , though- albeit optimistic. It is undeniable that the incidence of health issues during pregnancy, and pre- and post natal problems for mother and baby, is definitely higher in your age range. Not to mention that fertility rates drop dramatically after 40 so it is not a given that ANY 40something will be able to get pregnant whenever she wants.
See your doctor and discuss with him/ her all your doubts and concerns. Being paranoid is not necessary, being prepared , and well informed, is.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (3 May 2017):
 It's not silly at all. It's natural and sensible. I would say it is a good thing that you are worried as it means you have given this thought instead of just plunging in head first.
Have you had children already? Were there any particular problems with the pregnancies/births? Go and see your doctor and discuss your worries and ask for a health check-up.
Why do you worry you are too old to have a child now? Is it the pregnancy that worries you or the rearing of the child? Will your partner be a hands-on dad and help with the rearing of the child? You need to discuss things like this BEFORE you make a decision.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (3 May 2017):
There are plenty of people having kids at you age where I live too, but you are definitely not in your prime baby making years. What exactly that means is definitely better to hear from a good doctor rather than a random person on the internet
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2017): If it's something you both want age doesn't come in to it ...have a baby ...your not to old ..or old at all ..good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 May 2017):
 Go see your doctor.
And read up on Italy and fertility... :) They have a trend of "older" moms that is quite high and ... successful.
Chances are that you CAN have a higher risk pregnancy than someone younger but you might also have an absolutely normal one and no problems.
TALK to your doctor if you are concerned. She/He is really the best one to give you that advice.
Good luck. Practice often...
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