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We send each other saucy pictures and flirt... Are we having an affair?

Tagged as: Cheating, Forbidden love, Friends, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 November 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 November 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Over the past 2 years I have become friendly with 1 of the guys i work with-we are based in different parts of the country but sometimes he comes over for meetings where im based.

He is married with a child and im getting married next year. I want to clarify we are NOT having an affair,we have NEVER kissed or slept with eachother or touched!

We text and email and have sent some saucy pictures to eachother (just parts of the body not face).NOTHING will ever happen between us as he has already suggested we meet up etc but i told him im not interetsed in having an affair. He did neglect to tell me he was married when we 1st started flirting.

I just enjoy the banter we have. I truly believe we use eachother if we need a pick me up.

I mean if im feeling crap or bored he knows what to say to cheer me up and make me feel good about myself. Its the same for him-i enjoy telling flirting with him etc....

I confided in a close friend of mine and she thinks i should end all ties with him which is difficult as i have to deal with him work wise.

Is what we are doing wrong? And would you classify it as an affair?

View related questions: affair, flirt, I work with, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009):


You nailed it...this should be shown to the husband and wife of yours

ummm its an a-f-f-a-i-r there is that easier for you to understand

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009):

YOU know it is wrong and YOU know that you have crossed boundaries. now that the aunts have CLARIFIED YOUR AFFAIR are you still going to be cheating with this married man. don't get married to yout fiance and mess up HIS LIFE. sort yout sh1t out FAST. stop being a cyber whore, that is the term used for online/electronic affairs.

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (12 November 2009):

Illithid agony auntMy fiancée dumped me for someone she never touched, much less slept with, but she had been chatting with and flirting with. Just because there's no emotional contact doesn't mean there's no emotional connection, and you are forming that connection at the expense of the connection with your fiancé. It's not physical, but it's cheating in a fashion.

If you want to marry the man you're engaged to, you need to break it off with your flirting friend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009):

Its an affair of sorts. The talking etc may have been harmless but when pictures and explicit sexual talk became involved it became an affair. When you share intimate details that you wouldn't want your husband/bf to know about....its wrong and I think you feel guilty about it which is the reason why you talked to your friend about it. When you text or IM someone, and you are afraid to leave your phone laying around while your bf is there lest he pick it up and read the's wrong. I have friends that i chat with and say stupid things to...but nothing (sexually)that I would be afraid my husband would see. This I learned the hard way so just stop..Trust me on this one sweetie. I know he makes you smile and feel sexy etc etc and its harmless and it doesn't mean anything etc etc but you are headed for a bad train wreck. Pm me if you want too but please, break this off.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 November 2009):

Honeypie agony auntIt is an emotional affair. All the energy you are both spending flirting is taken away from the "real" relationship. I mean really? Would you mail/send the pictures to his wife to see? Do you think she knows?

Reverse the situation. YOUR man/husband is getting flirty e-mail.dirty pictures from a woman he works with? That wouldn't upset you?

I think you know what you are doing is NOT right.

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