A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 18 years old. I am not very experienced with women. Sometimes its embarrassing to feel like the odd man out when it comes to this stuff. When i was in high-school i would hear people talk about sex and relationships and i wouldn't get depressed really, just anxious. So around May prom came around, and i asked a girl out to prom. She said yes. I was excited because i thought finally i had caught a break. I texted my prom date alot. Up until prom i thought we were almost dating. The dance was with mostly people i knew. She didnt know any of them. The dance went pretty terribly. We danced for about a minute and she became uncomfortable so we stopped and just did other activities at the dance. After the dance, we were alone waiting to get picked up and i tried to make a move but couldn't work up the courage to kiss her. I told her that i liked her ( which i realize know isnt very attractive to do ) She said she wanted to just be friends, we dont really talk anymore its kind of awkward. That wasnt my first girlfriend i just wanted to give a little background to my experiences with women beforehand. Now fast-forward to about mid-june. I work part time at a job near my house. I would always greet customers and try to make people laugh, im not awkward socially at all. So i would make attractive girls my age laugh alot, it just wouldn't lead to anything relationship wise. ( i kind of figured this was normal for the workplace anyway so i didnt worry about it much ) Well a girl around my age came in once with her brother. I talked to them and they were both cracking up about some joke i said. Anyways they came in probably two more times after that and they always laughed and smiled. ( obviously signs i should have seen from the girl? ) So one day im working minding my own business when the girl walked up to me and asked me to come to her graduation party. I was so shocked that i was almost speechless. I suddenly noticed that she was very attractive and became excited. I gave her my email, and asked her what her name was ( she knew mine because of my nametag ) She then walked out with my email written down. As soon as she left i immediately thought "what the hell was i thinking? why didnt i ask for her phone number ? or at least given her my phone number? what if she wrote my email down wrong?" needless to say i didnt get much work done that day. She emailed me later that night with what i perceived to be a flirty attitude and asked me if i liked to swim. I emailed her back saying i did ( cracked some kind of joke about not liking salt water ) and asked for her phone number. Well we started texting, and i mean ALOT of texting. It was all very friendly with just a lot of back and forth jokes. I called her and asked her if she'd like to hang out sometime? and she accepted. When i went to meet her ( she only lived about a mile and half away, and i dont drive yet so i walked ) she asked me to come inside and say hi to her mom first. So i went inside and introduced myself, i was very polite and her mom seemed to like me. So we went out walking and grabbed a coffee. Again we hit it off. When i left we hugged. When i went home i talked to my dad about it and he was teasing me because i didnt try to kiss her. I was embarassed. The second time i went out with her i tried to hold her hand but she got shy. ( id also like to point out she was kind of sheltered and it showed with things like this ) Well long story short that date ended the same way and it seemed as though i was in the friend zone again. On the third date I flirted even more and did whatever i could to avoid being in the friend zone, sarcastic humor, confidence and just having a fun time. We held hands and it was very natural. At the end of the date we had a small awkward kiss ( my first kiss which is really embarassing ) and said good night. Anyways on the fourth date we were pretty much holding hands everywhere we went, we had a good time and introduced eachother as bf/gf to people we knew. just writing this makes me realize how hard it is to capture to emotion, and amount of plot that actually happened in that month. Well i was at an all time high and thought things were going well. We texted alot at night and even texted sexual things back and forth it was very fun. I must have took it the wrong way though because apparently she didnt want to go further yet. The last time we went out ( while it was still going good ) i touched her ass in the spa and suddenly it got very awkward ( which was confusing as hell to me because thats what she "wanted" in the text messages ) and theres a fine line between going to far and not far enough when it comes to things like that. I figured what the hell i'd go for it. Well that night ended not as well, but i figured it wasnt a big deal. We still texted eachother still laughed when we called eachother and everything seemed fine. The break up: We decided to hang out ( this was two days after the incident in the spa ) and i was excited to see her. I got ready, and walked down early towards her house because i figured i would get something to eat first, ( i had sushi, my favorite food. ) The time was nearing when we were going to hang out so i headed towards her house. She texted me asking if i could come over later. I replied saying i was already close. She said that she needed an hour for something related to her mom i cant really remember ( i think it was a lie anyway ). So i decided to just wait it out rather than walking home and walking back. I sat against a block wall near her apartment complex and daydreamed, meditated, listened to the birds. It was a beautifle day. After about an hour i get a text saying to come over, so i did. I showed up, hugged her and probably 20 seconds later she asked me to come into her room. She closed the door and basically broke up with me on the spot with one of those cliche speeches that everybody knows. She said she just wanted to be friends. I was completely taken aback and did not see this coming at all... I thought we had something great, but hell what do i know. I wasn't needy, i wasn't emotionally unstable. I wasnt too available all the common advice people give. So i walked home, pretty much emotionally cold. The whole way home i wasnt sad, i wasnt mad, i was just confused. I got home, and had to face my dad and his girlfriend, i decided not to say anything to them. ( im not sure why.) She texted me a couple times the next day but i wasnt cracking jokes, i wasnt acting how i normally did just very normal ( like a friend acts ). She said that i was being moody and goodnight. I didnt text back. The next day i get a text from her saying that maybe it was too soon for us to be friends and she was sorry for calling me moody. I said that i it was okay and it was fine if we weren't friends for a while. After that point we did not speak for probably a month and a half. I saw her in my work once but we barely talked and i kind of avoided her and her family. I saw them on the way out and said goodbye to them. A couple minutes after they left her mom came back in and told me that she was outside crying. She said that she wanted to still be friends. I didn't understand why she was so sad, i mean she was the one who broke up with me not the other way around. And i wasnt the one who said we shouldnt be friends. I just wasnt as friendly as normal but cmon who wouldnt be after getting dumped im not emotionless. The reconnect: After that i didnt see her or text her again for a about a month. I saw her mom and dad in my store once but she wasnt with them. Her mom said that she got a job, and some other small talk. ( her parents liked me so it wasnt that awkward ) I finally caved and texted her asking her how she was after about a month. She said she was doing fine and thanks for asking. Well we kind of started joking around again over texts. She added me on facebook. She IMed me on facebook and we talked for a bit. After about half an hour of sharing music links etc, she asked me if i wanted to come to her work to have a coffee. I accepted. I showed up at her work and she was happy to see me. I bought a coffee but she was really busy. We spoke a little bit and laughed. We hugged before i left. I don't know whats wrong with me but i can't stop thinking about her. Literally everyday probably 50% of the time. Im not sad about it, i just wish we were still together. I guess i just need another girlfriend to get over this but its hard. Its been about a week since i had coffee at her work. We haven't talked much since then. I dont know whether she wants to just be friends now? or if she wants to get back together? All in all it was a good experience so i dont regret much other than screwing it up. Im only human.
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a break, broke up, confidence, depressed, facebook, flirt, get back together, my ex, shy, teasing, text, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 She wants to be friends.. you've done nothing wrong, but "she's just not into you". That happens sometimes, she wanted to feel sparks and they didn't come. They didn't come for you either, you just like her because you feel comfortable and like having a girlfriend. Dating is good, gives you practise, but you need someone who drives you wild, and this girl aint it.She wanted to remain friends, because people feel guilty when they dump someone. It makes them feel mean. If they can remain friendly with you it makes them feel better about themselves.You have acted absolutely brilliantly, and your a catch for any woman out there. You've just not got a lot of experience yet, but you are clever and your handling everything perfectly. The way you acted when you broke up with this girl was brilliant. Still friendly, but not close, not demanding, and not offering her a close friendship which you do not feel.Now you see her again, and it's easier just to concentrate on her because you know her. Bad, bad news. You are hot property, your charming, clever and fun to be with. Your attractive enough for women to meet you and want to see you again. She chased you, not the other way around. More women will come, so it's best you stay single, and go back to treating this girl as a distant friend. It's not good to get tied up with her. You dated, it didn't work, move on, that's the past, and there is a better girl out there for your future.One tip. Your good at getting the women laughing and feeling comfortable. They find it easy to make friends with you. But you want to know how to go from friend to boyfriend, you want to know how to close the deal and get more romantic.Touching a woman's ass, breast, is rude and bloody irritating. Turns the women off. You got to move in a lot more slowly. You do it with changing your conversation. What is said on the phone isn't real, so you can't go from sex calls or sex talks to grabbing. What you need to do, is when you feel the romance flowing over the phone, or by shy sexy looks, you got to get closer by using romantic words. This is when you tell the girl she's beautiful, she's sexy, you think about her all the time.... blah, blah, blah..Make your voice a bit softer, wait until your in private, then you start telling her nice stuff. If she responds, then you can kiss check, or kiss neck, or kiss hand. Best to stop it there, then she'll think you like her and are respectful. At your next date you can take things further with kiss on mouth. It's like trying to get a nervous horse to trust you, move to fast and you frighten it. You need to be gentle, seductive with your words, and slow and soft with your hands. You get bees when you put out honey, so pour the honey on when you want to get closer to a girl..Your story is heartbreaking. We all remember what it is like to be young, confused and anxious. But everything will be alright. You'll get more dates, you'll meet nicer girls, you'll grow in confidence and women will seem much easier to understand.Good luck, move on now, get ready for the next girl, and remember your the man, you can ask them out as well. Some girls are shy and find it hard to tell you how much they like you. Don't worry about rejection, they say no, doesn't matter, the more women you ask out, the more experience you gain and the more likelihood of finding a girl who will say yes.Look around, lots of lovely girls out there, don't be scared, if you like someone, then don't be frightened to ask her if she'd like to go out for coffee or something.Blessings, wishing you well babes, and don't worry, all of this is normal, we older people have all felt like you before and we totally understand.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding. I think you are right mostly. It just sucks to be alone. Not that i am not used to it.
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