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Troubles. All I seem to do is work and sleep. So why is she so distrustful? why does she think I'm cheating?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Family, Health, Pregnancy, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2013) 6 Answers - (Newest, 13 February 2013)
A male Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My gf has been thinking I've been cheating on her.

I work hard and once and a while I have to work late. She thinks I should have bankers hours.

I have a kid and I scream at her in front of him and it really upsets me.

All I do is work and sleep. I ask her if she wants to go out but she doesn't want my mother to babysit why I don't know.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013):

You are neglecting her, screaming at her when she asks for reassurance and blaming her for the fact YOU shout at her in front of your son. I think you need to take your share of the blame here too and start putting a bit more effort into your relationship. Otherwise finish it as what you have is not a real relationship.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (13 February 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYou have a child. is it HER child too? because if it's not her child why does she have any say in who babysits your child?

if you only work and sleep you are not playing and all work and no play makes jack a dull and lonely boy...

if you say "lets go out" and she finds reasons not to, well then she's creating part of the problem.

it may not be as black and white as you are saying

do you live together? if so, is she caring for your child for you?

if all my hubby did was get up go to work, work 12 hours come home, eat dinner and go to sleep every day over and over.... with no weekend time for me... and no attention to me other than screaming at me, Id' not be happy.

are you two holding on to a dead relationship?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013):

"All I seem to do is work and sleep"

I think you answered your own question. Honestly, there is nothing worse than being in a relationship with a workaholic. It's nice people like their work, but nothing can melt a relationship faster. Put yourself in the other person's shoes; What would you think if your SO never gave you any time from their day, was always working, working late, gone, at the computer, on the phone, and what few minutes they have for you they are screaming at you? It would be especially more suspicious if you were not like that before in your relationship.

You need to set your priorities, man. Are you really going to remember sitting at the computer writing emails, talking on the phone to a customer, staying late at the office because your in "the zone" and you want to wrap something up? Or are you going to remember the good times you had with your kid and SO? I'm not saying you shouldn't provide and work, I'm saying you may need to cut back the hours and spend quality time with your family.

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A female reader, when nothing goes right go left United Kingdom +, writes (13 February 2013):

when nothing goes right go left agony auntIts down to her own insecurities and when people are insecure then it doesn't take much for them to suspect the worse. So you should talk to her about it when the child is not around and tell her how you feel and also encourage her to go and talk to someone about it because unless she admits that she has insecurity issues then it will never change.

Hope this helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013):

It's time to figure out a way to balance your work and home life.

If "all you are doing" is working and sleeping, of course she's feeling neglected.

Don't put all of this on her and expect her to figure it out or just accept it. You are part of the problem, so turn it around and be part of the solution.

She needs reassurance that the two of you are still connected, give her that. Talk to her...tell her what's going on and how your day is. Take a few minutes each day or night to let her know that you love her and need her. It really doesn't take much, but it sure gets easy to leave it out of your day when things get challenging or stressful.

Call her up and tell her you will be home at this time and you want her naked in bed waiting for you!

Tell her not to make dinner one night, you are bringing home something, and make it something she loves.

Find an alternative babysitting idea...such as a close family friend who you could make a night out babysitting swap with. Work on a solution or compromise together.

And stop the screaming in front of your child. If an argument is brewing, take a deap breath, control yourself and stop. Tell your wife, I see you are upset, lets talk about this later after child is asleep. It will also give you a chance to think before you speak and blow up.

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (13 February 2013):

Honeygirl agony auntSounds like your gf has trust issues, either from her past she has had a partner cheat on her, or else you have done something which has caused her to distrust you.

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