A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been together on and off for 6 years. We got engaged 6 months ago and things are not good. We don't fight well at all. We both say things that we shouldn't . She keeps telling me she don't have that feeling for me, yet she don't want to break up. We don't have sex and she can't really stand me or anything I do. She seems good for a day or two, but as the week goes on she gets more and more sick of me then she will go out and get drunk with her friends till 3 or 4 am. The next day she wants to be with me and the pattern starts again. I love her and want to spend my life with her but I'm getting sick of this. Do I stay in this or is it time to leave?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): It was time to leave, like, 6 years ago already!!
she doesn't want you, she's just afraid to be alone so she is making do with you, until she gets sick of you.
there is no way to save this relationship. With so much loathing and disrespect the relationship will always be toxic. You have to ask yourself if you want to live the rest of your life being treated badly.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 December 2012):
 You’ve been together on and off for six years and got engaged but things are not good.
WHY did you get engaged? Did you think that would fix it? Do you have a wedding date set or was this an open ended engagement to try to fix a broken relationship?
SHE SAYS she doesn’t have THAT feeling for you…so why did she accept your proposal (or did she propose to you and you accepted?) WHY are you with this woman?
She doesn’t want to break up because SOMETHING is better than NOTHING.
You aren’t having sex and she can’t stand you or what you do. WHY are you with her?
She goes out with her friends every week and gets drunk and doesn’t come home till nearly morning…. WHY are you with this woman?
YOU love her (why) and want to spend the rest of your life with her? (again WHY) but then you say you are sick of it and is it time to leave…
IF YOU are questioning if you should leave, then you probably should.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 December 2012):
"We don't have sex and she can't really stand me or anything I do."
Read this sentence you wrote - aloud to yourself - five times in a row.
Now, tell me again why you want to commit the rest of your life to this, and only this, woman?
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A
female
reader, Zaaleena +, writes (18 December 2012):
"We don't have sex and she can't really stand me or anything I do."
So why on earth are you still with her? From that statement alone, it sounds like the end has come for you two. Find someone who will want to have sex with you as part of having and maintaining a loving relationship and someone who will want you for all your little quirks - good and bad.
I know its difficult to end things after such a long time - especially with all the highs and lows that come from an on/off relationship but just picture this for the rest of your life - how would you feel after another 6 years of this?
Wishing you well OP x
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Hi
So, you have had an on/off relationship for 6 years,your now engaged,fighting often and there's no sex, she says she doesn't have that feeling for you but doesn't want to break up.She tells you shes sick of you then goes out drinking all hours with her friends
Is this honestly someone you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with? It sounds like you dance to her tune here.
I take it there are no children,which is good,simply tell her you have had enough and go find somebody who makes you HAPPY.. oh and don't look back.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 December 2012):
If you want to be with her you'll have to go to counseling since it seems obvious that you guys are incapable of doing it by yourselves.
But I have to ask, at what point do you just say "I love you but we're not compatible."?
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 December 2012):
Hi there. It sounds like it's time for a heart to heart chat with her, about what your expectations and hers are, of this relationship.
Even though you are now engaged, if things are this unstable now, it seems like it could be a BIG mistake to go ahead and get married.
You really need to talk to her as soon as you possibly can.
The way you have described things now, it doesn't seem like you are very happy, does it?
It seems to turn hot and cold.
She goes out with her friends - when she should be home with you.
It almost seems like she is with you for the sake of having someone, rather than no-one.
Just by what you have said here - "On and off for the past 6 years" - seems to point towards a very unsettled situation between you, doesn't it?
So keeping that in mind, why did you decide to get engaged with such a very erratic past?
It may have been a mistake.
You seem to be committed to her, more than she does to you.
Did you find that things went sour once you got engaged?
It kind of sounds like it.
It also sounds like you would like to settle down, but I'm not so sure about her.
Her actions seem to indicate she has a fear of losing her freedom, by getting married.
So this is what you need to clarify with her.
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