A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My 16 year old daughter revealed to me a little over a month ago that she and her 17 year old boyfriend have had sex. They have been dating for two years and I support their relationship and like her boyfriend a lot, so I am not really surprised or upset...I figured this would come eventually. My question is, should I tell his parents what they have done? I am struggling because part of me feels I should let them know, but the other part of me feels that they are old enough and have a strong commitment, so as long as they are using protection and being safe, I should just stay quiet. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 February 2017):
 I don't think so.
That this lady has certain personal believes , which apparently she has not managed to pass on to her son, is something that does not- and should not - concern you.
If she were a vegetarian, and you had seen her son eating steak, would you feel obliged to rat him out at once ?
If she were Trump's staunch supporter, and you knew that her son was a great admirer of H.Clinton, would you feel compelled to run to her with the bad news ?...
The son is entitled to keep his private , personal business , well.. private. With no interferences from you or anybody else, as long he is not breaking the law. Sure, it's a pity that he has secrets and does not feel he can talk openly or share the important things of his life with his family. That's lamentable; but, the point is that anyway he has the right to have secrets , and to decide by himself what , when and with whom to share intimate, personal stuff.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for everyone's responses.... i feel a lot better now. I was definitely leaning towards not telling his parents in the first place, as I do believe that he is old enough to make these decisions and he is also of legal consenting age. The only reason I even questioned myself is that I know for a fact that his mother is very religious and strict, and has strong beliefs about teens and premarital sex (she was a virgin until she married at 25). I do not share those beliefs, but I was wondering if it was my duty to tell her because I know of her beliefs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): He is a consenting adult, allowed by the law to have sex with others over 16. Why on earth would you feel the need to broadcast to his parents what you know about his private sex life? He is of the age where it has nothing whatsoever to do with his parents whether he has sex or not, so no I most certainly would not make his private business, my business if I were you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 No honestly I don't think this is a good idea at all. I am glad you are supportive off your daughter and she can talk to you, but if you break her trust then that might be a different story, also his parents might not have the same frame off mind as you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): Defintely do not tell his parents!
You don't know what the situation might be between the boy and his family, you could accidentally open a can of worms!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 February 2017):
 How well do you know the boyfriend's parents?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 February 2017):
As for me, I would stay quiet.
While it is your right and your duty to help and advice your own daughter in any aspect of her growth, physical and emotional, therefore including her growth into a sexually active being- I would not say that this privilege/ obligation carries over to other parents' children.
This boy's sexual conduct is only your business in what concerns YOUR daughter's sexual conduct - so, if any, I would recommend him too to keep being safe and using protection. But, other than that, whom he wants to inform about his sex life, and what he wants to disclose, or not, about it- it's the boy's own business, not yours.
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