A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last summer, I met a guy. Well, we were just friends. We hung out with each a few times. He introduced me to his friends and introduced him to my sister. I thought we were going to begin a relationship. Well, he went home to visit family. A few days into the trip I read on Facebook he's now in a relationship. Totally caught me off guard. So I question him about it and he says it just happened and he's happy. Well, he comes home and he wants to see me the day he arrived. So I go out with my sister and a friend. He texts me all night. So I give in, and go over to his house. I can't believe what I did next. We perform oral sex on each other. Mind you, I'm a virgin. I've never had sex and this guy is the only guy I've ever been intimate with. After that night we see each other publicly a few times, but he doesn't want his friends to see us together. So yeah I get it. I move on and start seeing other guys, but we continue to sext each other, and he even says that he is willing to be with me in a NSA relationship without the girlfriend knowing, and that he loves his girlfriend, but he really likes me because I'm not like his girlfriend, that we have a lot in common and I was like one of the guys. So I go over to talk with him. And to be sure nothing happens I have my brother come along, but he doesn't want stay. My brother can't stand him. So, needless to say we have oral again. I'm not on birth control. That was the last time we had contact. Three days ago, his girlfriend moved down here and now they're getting married before he deploys. I know he didn't tell her like he said he would. I've been fighting the urge to tell her, but I don't want to ruin a relationship or my reputation. But its made me so depressed. I feel like an idiot for all I did. I know I let this guy fool me. So, should tell her or not?
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depressed, facebook, fiance, move on, oral sex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): yes, please do. wouldnt you want to know if you were the girlfriend that it was being done to? Do it anonymously, as another poster suggested if you fear the consequences.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): Been here too. He's just using you. I know, it hurts a great deal to hear this. Please, save yourself some more grief and believe it. If you're the revenge type, you'll get some satisfaction if you cut him off. He'll chase you. Men always do when they think they can't have what they want. BUT, you should do yourself a better favor, and really not bother with him. He's a typical male. Now, the part about telling. Been there too. I told, I've had a few friends do the same, and guess what? In the situs I know of, and my own, we told them, and they either didn't believe us, or were too desperate to leave them. Yes, it caused strife in the relationship, but didn't matter when it came to ending it. In my situ, it just taught the guy a lesson, which isn't a bad thing in itself. It just didn't produce the desired results. *shrugs*
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): YES! didn't even read the story, just the caption. would u want someone to tell you? make it anonymous if u like, just do it!
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A
female
reader, bree10  +, writes (27 January 2011):
Yes tell her please you are doing her a favour.
He has cheated once and will do it again, and also my dear you need to leave him as well.
He cannot have 2 of you so he deserves to get hurt and be left alone and then he may wake up....
life is to short. dont you want to be with someone that is only with you.
Do you like my saying.....
So many men so little time...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): I believe you should tell her, as unhappy as she may be at you and him both, it's the right thing to do knowing their circumstances. Not only will it save her from dating a guy who will most likely cheat on her for years, but will save her a divorce later on. If you were the fiance wouldn't you want to know before making the biggest mistake of your life?
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A
male
reader, mscard +, writes (26 January 2011):
Tell her. Wouldn't you want to know? Everyone has a right to the truth, no matter how painful. Personally, I would want to know if I was about to marry an asshole. She'll be pissed at you, right away, since it seems like you do indeed deserve some of the blame, but your culpability remains the same regardless of your decision to tell her or not. Tell her, so that she won't get played like you did.
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A
female
reader, JaZminny +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Stop any contact with this boy cuz he don't sound like a man and don't tell his girl anything just let it go and move on if u do decide to tell her keep in mind what effect it can have she might not believe u and consider u as her enemy or she might believe u and not only will u be hurt here but she will be devastated put yourself in her shoes too
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (26 January 2011):
 I realize you were disappointed that he chose this other girl to be his girlfriend when you thought the two of you were going to begin a relationship. Unfortunately, you have to let this man go. He is only using you for oral sex.
As far as telling the girlfriend that he has been unfaithful... that's a difficult question. Personally, if I were her, I would want to know, especially now that they have plans to marry.
Please let us know what you decide to do. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, RealGirlNextDoor  +, writes (26 January 2011):
I think it's not your territory to tell this girl. What you both did was wrong and I wouldn't forgive something like that ever If I was in HER situation. You should cut this thing off totally before it gets too difficult for both of you. Sorry for being so blunt but he obviously sees you as a "F**k buddy", even though you haven't gone all the way, oral sex is a form of sex and guys in general are happy even if they get that from a girl.
I think the best is to just move on, you don't know this girl, you are not friends with her and the best thing is to stop anything with this guy from now on so that in the future if it all comes out, you can at leat tell her that as soon as you found out they were engaged you refused to keep on.
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