A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have a really hard time getting over jealousy. Before my husband deploy to overseas he used to have this female friend who would call, text, email, facebook message him and she will talk for 4-5 hours just complaining about her boyfriend not taking her out to places she wanted to go. I was pregnant before he deployed and I have the baby while he was away, as soon he's back she start contacting him non stop so they can catch up and it's making me very angry. She never asked him about his son never asked once about me ........all she talks about is how proud she is of him. I don't have trust issues, I trust my husband, I'm even ok with him going to strip clubs with his military friends, he once asked me why am I ok with him going to the strip club? Just because his friends were telling him I'm the coolest wife in the world since they have to lie to their wives just to go and I told him because a stripler will not going to call him to talk for hours about their personal life and they are not going to steal the time that belong to me and our baby. We talked about it and now he agreed that he gains nothing from their friendship and he don't want to stress me out, he deleted her from his Facebook and changed his phone number and changed his email. This girl is still sending him private messages on Facebook still begging him to call her back with her cell phone on the message, she really need somebody to talk to and my husband is the only one who understands her. I told him not to block her since she's a family friend of his parents but it seems like that's our only option here. She would stop sending private messages and it's creeping me out. He told me the best way to handle it its to just ignore her but I want her to stop and find a man of her own for emotional support. What should I do? I want to send her a reply but I don't want to look like a jealous child.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (10 June 2015):
 OP, I'm going to add to my response (I was on my cell phone when I submitted the first one).
There is nothing petty or childish about taking reasonable steps to safeguard your marriage, or your safety for that matter, or your psychological well being, your finances etc. In fact a lot of insecure people are insecure precisely because they don't. Either they don't know how to without making things worse or they won't give themselves permission because they're too worried about how they might look or what others might think of them.
Be matter of fact about this. The woman is a pest. She's crossing the line and she knows it. It would be nice for your husband to send her one final message stating his position and THEN blocking her, but it isn't necessary (no disrespect meant to SVC by the way. I often agree with you) and in this case might do more harm than good.
People shouldn't need to have everything spelled out for them. I don't bombard people with messages. My general rule of thumb, whether it's a phone message, text message or email, is to send no more than two. The second one is just in case, for some technical reason, they didn't get the first. At that point the ball is in their court. This way I don't waste my time and look ridiculous pestering someone who is busy or just doesn't want to talk to me anymore and that person isn't badgered and put in the very uncomfortable position of having to tell me to go away. What's so complicated about that? Why can't she do it?
Most likely no one else will ever hear of this, but even if they did they're not likely to ask. Those few who might, you can simply tell them her contact with him was becoming inappropriate. Be upbeat, matter of fact, and keep it brief and don't invite comments.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 June 2015):
 I see no harm in blocking her on facebook
BUT I also think that if he has NOT told her why he's no longer having contact with her, he owes her that closure.
"sally I'm sorry we can no longer have any contact, it's not healthy for me, for my child or my wife or my marriage, I wish you well but please don't contact me again"
but YOU need to totally stay out of it.
the longer he ignores her the sooner she will stop.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (10 June 2015):
Block her. You're not obliged to keep a line of communication open with anyone who would wittingly or unwittingly cause problems in your marriage regardless of how you know them.
Besides, if ge's not going to answer her it amounts to being blocked. Why torment yourselves with the knowledge?
Block and delete her. She knows what she's doing is wrong but continues to pester anyway.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (10 June 2015):
First, -MAD PROPS- to your husband for taking the moral high ground, and eliminating something from his life that is trying to threaten the stability of his primary relationship. My hat off to that man!
Did your husband explain to her that this is making you uncomfortable?
The reason I ask is because there's a difference between the passive aggressive disappearing act, or telling someone that their behavior is not OK.
If she doesn't know that her behavior hurts you and makes you uncomfortable, then she might be really confused and hurt, for no good reason.
On the other hand, if he told her he needs her to go away, and she's still coming on strong, then who really cares if she continues to work herself into a tizzy.
Do not send her a message yourself. If your hubby hasn't ever told her why he needs to cut her out of his life, then he should do so. If he has, then continue to ignore her and she will find a different source to leech from at some point.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 June 2015):
 No don't send her a message. Your husband realized that the friendship was not a good thing for his marriage so he blocked her. My guess is he also knows she has (had) a crush on him at some point in time.
She is NOT being respectful of him OR his marriage - she honestly don't give a fly's fart about that. ONLY that he gives HER the attention SHE wants.
Follow your husband's lead and just ignore her.
Your husband is NOT the only one who "understands" her, but he is the ONLY one SHE has decided will listen, but you know what? tough luck for her.
You might WANT her to find her own man, but here is the thing... it's NOT about you. She will find one when she is good and ready and IF your husband keeps ignoring her, she will eventually realize she was barking up the wrong tree.
Trust your husband's judgement. This is between HIM and his FORMER friend. He is doing the right thing in dropping her. So don't get in there and start stuff.
Hopefully she will just go away.
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