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My wife had a boob job, after I said no. I am leaving her!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 January 2008) 52 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My wife went and had a boob job and I find it absolutely disgusting. Once she had small, pretty breasts and I loved them just the way they were. she kept asking me if she should get them "done" and I told her no, not only no but, H--L NO!!!!! I have seen how boob jobs look. I seen plenty on line and they look hideous. I was and am enraged that she got them "done". They ARE hideous. She had the nerve to be angry when I told her the truth when she asked me if I like them. I told her no and I would not and will not touch them. It is everything I can do not to slap her for forever destroying the beauty of her body. How can she be so damn STUPID!!!???? WHY!!!! I don't get it and as far as I am concerned I can't be with a woman that is that shallow and vain, that stupid. I have finished packing my clothes and I am out of here. She can have the house, the car and the damn dog (poodle of course}. She can send me the divorce papers....I will be in Thailand. And, no I am not going to forgive her or reconcile myself to the disfigurement. I am sure there is a circus somewhere that needs a new act for their freak show.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011):

You probably need to take this from your partners' point of you.

Perhaps she was teased for having a small chest,

and she had enough. And remember, you have to look

at what's on the inside, not the outside.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011):

a "boob job" breast augmentation is the woman's choice. it is her body. men should support the decision to have it done and maybe get MORE INVOLVED in the process- it is called compromise. (idiots)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011):

I agree with you man! She did what u didn’t want her to do! Which is a pity...!

My girlfriend did her breast implants 2 days ago! She had really nice pairs but she wanted them full! I didn’t go like WTF! I just thought about her intentions and the reason for her decision, she always felt her boobs aren’t nice enough! Now what is worrying me not the attention she will get from other men! But the health issues... I know so many women who developed breast cancer and now they live with no breast! I mean this kind of operations should be banned! it’s not right! it doesn’t look good enough, and so 80's! It’s time to move on.

We always have the chance to make our mind! For her to take it off and you to forgive her! Me I will still love My GF, her new boobs won’t affect me and my relationship at all! I just hope and I have trust and faith in her that she did it for what she told me about!

Sorry for my bad English! It is my third language!

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A female reader, pixie87 United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2011):

i resent someof the comments on here, stating that women only get this type of surgery for their own vanity and to attract mena nd feel sexier. I am having a tummy tuck and boob job in a week. my partner loves me the way i am but totally understands why i want to have it done and still backs me 100%. hes happy either way.

Im not getting boobs because of vanity as such. im not getting boobs because i want to attract other men. I never developed breasts, at all. and i feel pretty unfeminine. that on the top of some pretty bad post pregnancy saggy skin, i feel pretty repulsive tomyself because i look dreadful in clothes, i cant fill out female clothing correctly, and i feel like i look more like a man then a woman (physically not facially) i wouldnt call myself vain in the slightest. or that i want them done to attract other attention. i love my partner greatly, but i cant help but feel very selfconscious in the bedroom because my breasts are so small and my tummy looks unpleasent. its not vanity, its completely the opposite. i dont want to attract other males, far from it, i just want to be confident enough to enjoy a healthy physical relationship with my partner, without the permanent worry of my body in my mind. I want to feel like the woman i am. my previous partner was a cuddly guy, had a bit of man boobs going on, and i felt inferior because his boobs were bigger than mine! its not about vanity, its about feeling confident and good within yourself, and not in a vain way, but feeling like a woman. my partner backed me 100% despite loving me how i am, and helped me to find a reputable surgeon who i can feel comfortable with. maybe you should have done the same, after all, its about compromise and instead of being dead set against it, maybe you should have considered the way she felt. and the nasty comments afterwards - they were more than likely coz you made her feel so shit about it, rather than actually wanting other men to enjoy her breasts.

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A male reader, cmg951 United States +, writes (12 January 2011):

good man stand up for your self it toook me 11.5 yrs to do it you did good dont take her back screw that

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010):

original poster: well, i am baaaaaaack. i am still hear in Thailand. I have a lovely new wife. the real kicker is that i moved to a country famous for beautiful women (and they are really beautiful guys)and i married a girl from Sweden who came here on a vacation and stayed. i took her and her girlfriends fishing and she hooked up with me. they went home, she stayed on. so, now i am in Sweden meeting the family. these are some laid back people. and they can sure put away some beer. i am a total wimp when i am out drinking with her dad and his mates. we will be going back to Thailand soon, i am missing my boat and studio. all my oils should be dry and ready to frame when i get back. what i did want to say is what my wife said about many of the women who were advocating the position of "what the woman wants to do with her body is of no concern of her husband and he should just shut up and like it". there is no such thing as unconditional love. it is the myth spun by those passive - aggressive women who want to dominate the relationship through guilt. the women are always right because it is their body. according the the marriage sacrament, two have become one. what one does affects the other. i understand now, that my first wife did what she did in spite, because she was passive aggressive, and wanted to show me her disdain and "superiority". she is the female so it is "her" marriage (not ours) and it should be run the way she wants it to be run. i have not heard any more about her. i got a letter from her sister, but i didn't open it, just tossed it into the trash. i don't have a thing in the states, no bank account, no property, no debts. my wife and i may move to Australia or New Zealand. Have jobs offers in both places. we are leaning towards Australia. Sven, my wife's brother is going to Australia to work. but, hey, we may just stay in Thailand, the food is good and the people are really friendly. and why go to all the trouble to speak Thai well if i am not going to use it.

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A female reader, layla xx United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2010):

I had a boob job when I was 18 Iam now 20 and I really regret it.I dont know what I was thinking my boobs where in perfect shape at a 32c before although I wished for move cleavage,I went up to a 32f and have since lost weight and they have dropped,I miss my perky small boobs and wish I could go back and not make such a stupid decision.Iam looking at having the implants removed although they not likley to go back to how they where before.I wouldnt advise any woman to have a boob job unless they are very flat chested.It simply isnt worth it as it can ruin your body as well as the expense of the operations you have to have over a lifetime.

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A male reader, NotThatGuy United States +, writes (31 January 2010):

My friend, a boob job is not about you. It is about the way a woman feels about her body. She sees her small but perky breasts (which attracted men in droves) fall to empty sacks after child birth and age.

She is looking for a restoration of what was taken from her by the children that she loves and father time.

My lovely woman had the same procedure. Like you, I advised against it. I love my woman just the way she is, and for what she is. But this is about the way she feels about herself.

The surgeon could have done better with a butter knife and some sacks of cement. But, my wife is happy and I have said nothing.

I will follow her into the grave and die a happier man because of her. Her boobs are but a small part of why I love her so much.

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A female reader, ShellBell United States +, writes (19 January 2010):

That is so weird. That is the reason I split up with my ex-husband. You sound just like him.

I left. He didn't have to go any where.

Ultimately, in the long run he regretted it. I remarried and moved on. I've been married to my new husband 8 years now. He loves my boobs.

You sound pretty shallow to me. If you can't live with it. Move on. It will always be something.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009):

how selfish can you get !!!! you said NO well did you ever stop to think how your wife felt with her small boobs no doubt she felt like she wasnt a proper woman i know how this feels to look in the mirror and hate the reflection looking back .. to feel boyish unfeminine ugly like a little girl .. how would you feel with a 2 inch penis wouldnt you feel the same

im happy you've left her because she can live the way she wants to live now and be happy finally be herself

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A male reader, ISOHaven United States +, writes (24 February 2009):

First, here's a qualifying scenario on my part. My wife of 7 years started smoking 5 years into our marriage. She quit when she met me (hid it at first) because she was made aware of how I felt about it. Then shortly after, quit. I found out anyway because I'm not a clueless idiot. But I already fell for her. I learned to live with the "PAST". After all I never saw it, smelt it or interacted with it. It took a while but I worked through it. None the less, smoking is my #1 TURN OFF. It is disgusting, fowl, nasty and everyone who smokes is an idiot that I can not respect. Why should I? They don't respect themselves. Then out of nowhere she decided to test our marriage to the max. I blame her depression she decided to do nothing with. Did I leave her? No. But I explained to her that our marriage wouldn't last. I tried get her to realize exactly where our marriage would wind up going. What does she tell me? How dare I give her an ultimatum. To this day, she tells people I gave her an ultimatum, QUIT SMOKING OR I'LL LEAVE YOU. Anyway, instead I lived in a loveless marriage for 3 years. Pretty major ultimatum right? During those three years I found a marriage counselor, NO GOOD. I found another one, NO GOOD. I found another one, NO GOOD. So I left it to her to find one since she hated everyone I found. Instead she tells me she filed. But remember, IT WAS ME who gave her an ultimatum!

I read quit a few odd things on this site:

1. The poster is wrong for feeling the way he does. Well, he's allowed to feel ANYWAY he wants, same as his wife.

2. Love is supposed to be unconditional. Well, who the HECK said it wasn't? I didn't read anywhere in his post that claimed he doesn't love her anymore. Obviously he loves her very much and is hurting about as bad as it gets.

3. He's allowed to feel as bad as he does about his wife's FAKE boobs. Just as much as she felt bad about having small boobs. Why is it ok for her and not for him? There are a lot of petty and ignorant women on this site that LOVE to scold men for their actions all while praising a woman for doing the SAME EXACT THING.

My take on boob jobs:

1. When someone feels bad about something what do we do? We get people to WORK THROUGH processes to A, determine the problem and B, resolve the problem. It's easy to throw money at a situation and fix it. Should that always be the case? Should that ever be the case?

2. Why do these women feel bad about themselves? Here's some typical ones:

A. They don't look good in their clothes. WHAT? Clothes are a consumer product made by PEOPLE who are out to make the most money. You aren't happy with yourself because of a CONSUMER GOOD? I'm sorry, that's sad and pathetic. There is something wrong with your priorities if you base your happiness on consumer goods.

B. I'm jealous of being small next to large women. This one is just plain sad. So you're not happy until you conform to the "same"? Women's bodies are SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! Mostly because of the variance. If everyone was a full C how ridiculous would that be? Who would care at that point?

C. I just want to be bigger. Not much to do with that. Seems to me she needs help figuring things out in general.

4. The best of them all are women who flat out claim they are only getting a boob job because they know men look. They are doing it only to please other people.

I've not heard a single reason (aside from medical (cancer)) why someone would want a boob job that can't be fixed with therapy. There is no reason for anyone to not love themselves for who they are as they are. All these reasons people claim they want boobs job come from the same core problem, societal pressure.

I have a 6 inch penis. Average at best. Not very thick. Oh well! Doesn't mean I'm not happy. Doesn't mean I can't function or have a happy sex life. How pathetic would it be if I risked surgery and wound up impotent? Why would I EVER make such a DUMB move? Sure, there's no impotent risks in boob jobs but there are risks. Frankly, NONE OF THEM are worth the outcome. In fact the only GOOD reason to go under is for LIFE SAVING SURGERY. Anything else is just plain shellfish.

Why I'm here:

I've been seeing an amazing woman for over a month. We have SO MUCH in common, I've never met anyone like her. I could go on and on, anyway, we're falling for each other HARD. So tonight she drops a little bomb on me. Her and FOUR other women at her work want boob jobs. What did I say about societal pressure? This woman is beautiful, there is nothing wrong with her, nothing that needs changing. WHY!?!?!?!?! does she feel the need to change herself? Clothes, bras and to feel better about herself. What makes me sad is that she can look in a mirror and see anything other then pure beauty.

Am I going to leave her? HELL NO. But I'm scared. I'm scared because I know how I feel about it and I'm scared to hell about how I'll feel about it later. Fake is gross, nasty. If I wanted to play with plastic I would buy a plastic doll! I've felt a boob job and it's ridiculous! I've been with full Cs and I've felt a fake full C...let me tell you something ladies, IT FEELS AS FAKE AS IT IS!!!!! A guy that tells you otherwise is LYING for the sake of YOU being bigger. They aren't natural, the don't look it, feel it or ACT IT. They are not beautiful and I fully understand a guy not wanting anything to do with them. Doesn't mean he doesn't love her anymore. Of course love remains otherwise divorce would be EASY! But it's not.

So what happens when you remove all the intimacy from your marriage because of some stupid act that can be fixed with therapy? Go back and read my first paragraph!

I have no clue what to do. I don't know how to fix her. I don't know how to fix me. All I want is for her to be happy. Watching her do it and being there for her recovery is all I can do. Then what? I don't want to make love to silicone.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008):

My wife had breast augmentation surgery about 2 1/2 months ago and I was opposed to the surgery. I let her know that I liked her breast just the way they were. I didn’t feel it my place to tell her that she could not get the surgery, It her body (My dollar for the implants) I personally like smaller breast and find athletic woman with a B cup size the most attractive. My wife was 36 A and went to a 36 full C. She looks very nice with her new breast and the surgeon did a nice job. What upsets me the most is that my wife did not care how I felt or what I thought was sexy. It was more important to her how she looked to her friend and other people. My feelings are greatly hurt and it has hurt our marriage. I have been quit depressed for the last four months because of the situation but am over that now. I have tried to enjoy the new toys but my feeling is still the same. I have been married for 19 years and have four children and divorces are not an option nor do I want one. But I must say I understand now that my wife breast implants were more important to her than my feeling and our marriage. That’s a plain truth and that is hard for me to swallow. I hope things work out for you and I understand how you feel.

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A male reader, Bomopu United Kingdom +, writes (27 August 2008):

There are a lot of people on here saying you are shallow but let's face it, you cannot have a fulfilling sexual relationship with someone if there is something about them that turns you off. You are not shallow. If my girlfriend got a big tattoo down her leg I wouldn't be able to look at her and fancy her like I do now and it would ruin our relationship. I doubt most of the people here would still fancy their partner if they got covered head to foot in tattoos and had a face full of piercings - even though they claim that it is shallow to love someone for their looks. It is right to say it is her body and she can do what she likes with it - but if either person is going to do something that is going to affect your relationship it should be discussed between you. Then you either come to an agreement, agree to disagree or go your separate ways. I think the fact that she knew you felt so strongly about such a thing and she went and did it anyway shows that she doesn't care much about what you think anyway. People here say you are shallow but she is shallow also for caring more about how big her boobs are than how you feel about her. If she has done something that is going to turn you off every time you see her (don't forget those scars should heal with time) then you should reconsider your relationship. If you think you can get over it then talk to her about how much she has hurt you for going ahead with it, discuss it as much as you both need to and then move forward together.

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A female reader, abbeymom Canada +, writes (27 August 2008):

abbeymom agony auntNo where in marriage vows does it state I will love you as long as you only agree with me, do what I say, don't change your image or yourself or care about you feel about yourself.

You don't love your wife that is apparent. If you did you would realize love is unconditional and although we may not always agree with our spouses, we are to support them and love them.

My husband had a motorcycle accident that basically took his life when he was 18. He woke up a different person, forgets everything, and I mean everything (50 first dates movie) kinda of everything. He wants another bike.

Do I agree? No. I hate the idea. I'm afraid he will die. Bikes are stupid as far as I can see and I do not want him riding it. He also wants a tattoo which is permanent and I do not like those either. I think they are disgusting.

Will I leave him if he decides to do either of these things? No I won't. Because he is his own person as intended when he was born, how he lives life and will be his own person until he dies. Love is not controlling, or unforgiving, it's understanding.

Pack your bags I think it's the best thing you can do for her. She needs someone who loves her no matter how she looks because 60 years down the road we all wrinkle and sag and the only thing that matters then is who is holding your hand.

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A female reader, abbeymom Canada +, writes (27 August 2008):

abbeymom agony auntNo where in marriage vows does it state I will love you as long as you only agree with me, do what I say, don't change your image or yourself or care about you feel about yourself.

You don't love your wife that is apparent. If you did you would realize love is unconditional and although we may not always agree with our spouses, we are to support them and love them.

My husband had a motorcycle accident that basically took his life when he was 18. He woke up a different person, forgets everything, and I mean everything (50 first dates movie) kinda of everything. He wants another bike.

Do I agree? No. I hate the idea. I'm afraid he will die. Bikes are stupid as far as I can see and I do not want him riding it. He also wants a tattoo which is permanent and I do not like those either. I think they are disgusting.

Will I leave him if he decides to do either of these things? No I won't. Because he is his own person as intended when he was born, how he lives life and will be his own person until he dies. Love is not controlling, or unforgiving, it's understanding.

Pack your bags I think it's the best thing you can do for her. She needs someone who loves her no matter how she looks because 60 years down the road we all wrinkle and sag and the only thing that matters then is who is holding your hand.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008):

original poster: i am back in the states for a short while taking care of some business and have been updated on my former wife's situation. i stayed with her for a year after the original operation but, i could not reconcile myself to how she looked and finally decided i had to leave in january. she could not believe that i didn't like the "new her". obviously she didn't either since she has spent 18,000 dollars trying to correct the results of the operation. the scars are still there. she is getting some kind of laser treatment to try to get rid of the scars. she is obsessed about plastic surgery and now plans to do her nose, hair line, tummy, lips, buttocks. she sold the home given to her in the divorce to use the equity to finance the surgeries and has lost her job because she is always in recovery from operations. she blames me for her trouble saying that she had the operation for me....that is what she tells all of our family and friends..and she tells everyone that she wished she hadn't spent the money because all i really wanted was some dark colored women anyway and she hopes i get aids from all those "slant eyed sluts" that i am supposed to be screwing. i spend most of my time staying in small Thai seacoast fishing village....fishing! i live on a boat; don't have a car(ride a bike instead}; dress in shorts, t-shirt, flipflops; i have a great tan, beard, ponytail and eat a lot of thai food. my paintings sell well in Australia and i have a little money to keep me alive. therefore, i am happy. i hope some day my ex-wife learns how to be happy too.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008):

First of all, I think Victoria Beckham is SPECTACULAR, so I can't even relate to the negativity directed towards her. I have seem dozens of women before and after breast augmentation and have a hard time saying that I preferred them before (except when they go disproportionately large). I would be overjoyed if my wife decided to get her saggy 32AA's "perked-up". Not gonna leave her over it, but I must admit I do fantasize about a nice plump pair. I think leaving a woman over getting them is no different than leaving a woman for not getting them. In both cases I think a temporary loss of perspective is the cause of "throwing the baby out with the bath water". She knows how I feel but couldn't care less. She wants me to sell my Harley because of what I may do to my body, but hey, it's my choice. This said, if she changes her mind about what I want, I'll sell the Harley. Fair enough? Hey, you don't have to be bad in order to get better...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008):

I think this one has a lot more to do with the way the decision was handled than anything about boobs.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008):

I am sympathetic with the poster's reaction. He warned his wife that he'd leave if she did such a foolish thing to herself, but she did it anyway. This told him that what he wanted didn't matter to her. That she'd rather have a bigger bra than a husband. Who wouldn't be upset and angry?

Yes, we love our spouses despite the gray hair, extra pounds, and sagging bodies that they accumulated since we met them.

We love them if they lose their legs in an accident, their faces in a fire. But the issue is that they didn't get these on purpose or despite us.

A golden rule for a happy marriage is that nothing should be done that doesn't have the complete agreement of both spouses. This may seem difficult, but the effort is what's appreciated. If you're doing or thinking of doing something that your partner doesn't like, stop it! It's that simple.

Best of luck from a 32AA lady who does NOT want a boob job and is completely secure of her husband's love.

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A female reader, PrettyMe Thailand +, writes (13 June 2008):

Welcome to Thailand... My Home Country!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

Do you think the actual problem here is that you don't feel worthy of her anymore,. now that she looks great?

I think you should take a look in the mirror in Thailand . I'm certain she will enjoy her new look with plenty of other guys that have confidence.

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A female reader, Twirly United Kingdom +, writes (15 April 2008):

Twirly agony auntOoo, maybe it was this line of yours that gave it away...

'Once she had small, pretty breasts and I loved them just the way they were'

You have totally discredited yourself with your contradictions and I feel that any advise will be unappreciated.

Im at a loss as to why you came on here at all except to let off some steam at strangers!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008):

ah twirly....again someone making judgments without facts....small boobs? how do u know they were small? she is 5'3 and 126lbs and was a 36b, which is not small at all. why in earth would some one that short want 40c's. you did not see the results of the procedure and you can't judge how ugly they turned out. they look and feel like flesh colored sandbags. there are huge scars under her nipples and following the curve of the breasts to the ribs. the scars look like zippers. so why do american women feel that every stupid idea they have is supposed to validated by their men. of course most american men are spineless toadies to their women and are so worried that if they expressed their dismay or displeasure they will have to make do with self done hand jobs for an undetermined amount of time. as to my preferences that u seem to know so much about....i like beauty, size means little to me. a well shaped 32 with pretty nipples is as pleasing as well shaped 38's with pretty nipples. ugly scars do not give me a woody. she had pretty breasts and the operative word is had. also according to her sister, who still communicates with me, she is trying to find someone to fix the mess she has made....there goes another 6000 bucks or more. oh yes, she sure is a brainy one.

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A female reader, Twirly United Kingdom +, writes (15 April 2008):

Twirly agony auntGood for her I say, now you are leaving she'll be free to meet a man who loves her for who she is and not just because she had small boobs.

Ooo yes, and someone who doesn't think she is a moron!

Look out Thailand, judgmental man with small boob fetish on his way!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008):

original poster.... to the anon female poster of 13 april. how do you know she is not vain and selfish??? you know her? you said she is not stupid. where did you get that evaluation of her intelligence. you give her a test and deduced she has great common sense and a normal intelligence quotient?????where do get all your information....are you assuming because she is a woman and got a hideous tit job that she is intelligent, giving, and humble????????wait, wait, i get it.....you got yourself a boob job didn't you. do you know 70 percent of men think they are ugly and don't like them. do you know that 96 percent of women who get boob jobs do so with out caring whether or not their husbands or boyfriends want it done or would like it if is done. then they have the gall to expect, even demand, their men like it !!!!! and finally, why should i support a decision made by a moron?????? maybe she has a fantasy of being a stripper, but with a boob job like that she will put on a stage with out lights and made to put her clothes back on. i don't understand what weakness mentally that drives women to enlarge their breasts for men that don't really give a crap about fake breasts. most men that i have met who think they are so neat are empty minded momma boys with an oral-breast fixation. you're just another one of these women who come rushing in with a comment because a male has the audacity to find fault with a woman. when did women become the personification of perfection????????

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008):

You should accept your wife. She is not vain, stupid and selfish. It makes her feel better. Granted, it isn't for everyone, it was what she wanted and you should support her decision.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008):

to 18 year old girl 3 mar: your tirade shows that you have a complete lack of understanding of the human condition. it must be all those fake reality mtv shows you watch distorting your view of life in the real world. obviously you are so infatuated with your perception of your "knowledge" that you haven't the faintest clue to the extent of your ignorance. you don't understand marriage and the rights of a spouse in marriage and you don't know anything about love. you didnt even read the question well enough to know what so distresses the writer. he is distressed by her self absorption. she does not care for his feelings and placed higher value on her body modifications than his desires, needs or feelings. the husband is enraged by his wife destroying the beauty he saw in her body. i believe him about the scars and ugliness of the procedure. i have seen some pretty ugly breasts after these so called surgeons are done with them. bigger breasts are not better when they are covered with scars. why do women think men are supposed to like their breasts after plastic surgery? why didn't she just suck it up and forgo the tit job for(YOU KNOW) "better or worse". you are one of those girls (you have yet to become a woman) who thinks women are always right and men always wrong. TV thinking again. don't watch sitcoms...they turn you brain to crap....whoops too late!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008):

way to be immature. she isn't stupid, she did what she wanted.

so what if you don't like it.

she isn't vain for that.

yes, generally boob jobs look horrific. I know, I am a stripper, but it is still her choice.

douche.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008):

Hi All,

My girlfriend wants the boob and nose job thing. Studies show that women get boob jobs for 2 main reasons and they are: To feel sexier and to attract men. This study can be found in the Journal of Women's Health Vol. 12, No.3, 2003. In this study 100 women were questioned about their motives for beast augmentation. Only 8 out of 100 did it for their spouse.

There is some definite vanity going on with all of these boob jobs. I have seen 2 reality tv shows regarding breast augmentation and the women are very pleased with their new found attention from men - this satisfies the vanity theory.

They all certainly feel sexier and get much more attention from men and they happen to be very happy about it. Some women did not enjoy the negative attention.

So if a woman is married and still gets a boob job despite her husband's objections her motives are definitely self centered and obviously open to speculation. She may be looking to trade up (guy with more money) with this new found self esteem booster? For those who object to this assertion please google search marrying up.

Insecure women who feel the need to get breast augmentation

to feel sexier and attract more men are definitely not on my list of long term relationships; especially the women in the 20's and early 30's. At these ages they are looking for a guy with money.

There are a few women who get breast augmentation or reduction for the right reasons. IMHO. Seems the vanity queens try to convince their hubbies that they are one of the "few" while knowing full well they are attention seeking.

Shall we get into the problems with breast implants and repeat surgeries?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008):

okay first off where do you get off calling her vain look how vain you are leaving her because she wants to feel better in her body!!!! dont try and control her if u loved her and anyone who reads this shoud know you dont!!!! you would be happy that shes happy and althou you thought her breat were pretty she didnt and no matter what shes the one walking around in her body....... not you! i cant believe you would even question her happieness and how darfe you be so shallow as to write such stupid article!!! and eho the F--ck are you to tell her what she can and can not do! YOU VOWED to love her for better and for worse and you leave her cuz she made HERSELF happy for once! quit thinking about your da-n self you selfish shallow pig!!!! if i were you i would go and appoligize for being such a hipocrate and pray to god she takes you back cuz if i were you i would tell your selfish self to take your ass out of the country and i would never give you the curticy as ato send YOU the divorce papers u want a divorce do it your Da-n self pig! she is not your property she is your wife and if thats what makes her happy then suck it up and put a smile on your pathetic face ITS CALLED PUTTING OTHERS IN FRONT OF YOURSELF AND NOT THAT SUCH A SHALLOW PERSON WOULD REALIZE THIS BUT THATS LOVE!! get u some!!! i dont like it when my husband shaves his chest but if that makes him feel sexy and happy i pretend like i do! then i thank god every day that i married him rather than some selfless pig like you!! and as for being STUPID how do you feel being told what love is by an 18 year old girl!!! i guess wisdom doesnt come with age huh? yeah now go run along and talk your sh-t and act like you didnt learn ne thing from this but u read it all....... and it will sink in and when u realize that your wife is better off without you and how no real woman is gona be told what to do by some little amature who doesnt know the firswt thing about love and you want her back i hope she has already found real love and laughs at your face! and before you go off thinking im just sticking up for her cuz i had a boob job think again cuz i havent and no i dont got boobs but if i was unhappy with them im lucky enough to know my husband will support me what ever i do!!! even if i wanted to join a circus and thats a real marriage! tell the unlucky fool u married i said step up and rock on and to find someone that would love her UNCONDITIONALY somthing u know nothing about! no pray that shes nothing like you and does love you unconditionaly and will take your pathetic self back cuz god knows i wouldnt think twice bout taking you for all you got and then kicking youe a$$ back to the street with your da-n poodle!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

My partner mentioned to me that she'd like to have her bum lifted and her boobs boosted. I'm more than happy that she decided to leave things as they are. I told her that she'd disfigure herself - not just the potential scarring but the ridiculous look that would be the end result. Just look at Victoria Beckham. How much more unnatural looking can anyone get than that? Fortunately, she listened to me. I didn't threaten to leave her if she'd had the job done, but I dare say I'd be feeling pretty much the same as the 'questioner'.

Her boobs may be beginning to look like oranges in socks, and her bum might be sagging a bit, but I'm more than happy keeping the status quo.

I don't blame matey for doing a bunk to Thailand. There's some pretty hot natural beauties over there. Ladyboys too, but that's another matter!

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A female reader, bee12 Ireland +, writes (31 January 2008):

oh my god! what are you doing?you are totally over-reacting, you ever think that she did it because shes really self-concious not vain,its most likely an issue she has been thinking about for years, I can understand why she got angry, I would be if i were her!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

I completely agree with maxsteel86 and the anonymous readers who wrote on the 29th of January. The feminists might say how it is her body and how it is her decision but in a marriage, it is about compromise and reaching a rational decision that suits both of the people - not just one of them. Also, on a simular note, you could whilstle to the tune of- "its my mind and it's thinking that the botched surgery is hideous. Also it is my mouth and i shall not lie saying how a love them."

She was in the wrong about just going ahead and having this surgery dispite your obviously strong objections. This lack of communication and lack of respect must have been an underlying problem in your relationship- something evident here. Some say how you over-reacted to the situation. Maybe that has some truth to it but they obviously don't see the big picture- this is just the example of the serious issues that she has. I am not saying he is always faultless but if she would go to some idiot, underqualified bozo against his wishes without having a serious talk about it then her insecurities, poor atributes and major problems can come to light.

The nail in her coffin came when she said- "some other lucky guy will get to enjoy the new and improved twins". What a silly, childish person who could even be considered a pathetic, spiteful, ungrateful loser. If this woman is reading- YOU DON'T DESERVE A KIND CARING HUSBAND!!! Especially one who has your best interests at heart. I hope those stupid bits of silicon brought you the happiness you wanted.

So in conclusion, well done for having a backbone because not many people would stand up for themselves. I hope you have a great life in Thailand and maybe there you will find a caring, happy, trusting wife who will consider you an equal in the relationship. Good luck!

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A male reader, maxsteel86 United Kingdom +, writes (30 January 2008):

maxsteel86 agony aunti wish the female reader who posted that comment at devilish etc didn't answer as anonymous, those are some seriously good points raised and some good comebacks! but yeah, in a relationship, you cant just do whatever the hell you feel like right? i mean, consider sleeping around. (usually) your partner would be against it, so you dont do it despite it being something to do completely with your own body and not your partner's no? (assume STDs aren't gonna be caught in this situation)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008):

Obviously devilish angel is missing the point. So it is her body, so what. Just because she has a body does not mean she has a brain. Why does he have to like it. Why does he have to stay because she did something that sounds truly stupid. He is turned off because of scars and other disfigurement that did not need to happen. Like he said it wasn't cancer or a car wreck. Also, it seems he warned her of his unhappiness and she went ahead knowing the repercussions. When somebody tells you that what you are going to do will cause him to go and you go ahead and do it; in essence you have told him it is alright with you that he goes. As the detectives in the film noir would call it, your giving him the kiss off. She was willful so why does he have to stay around and look at something that turns his stomach. Just because they are larger doesn't mean they look nice and he has to like the look. It sounds like he is serious about a botched surgery. Why should he be supportive. I think you are in the same boat as her. You must have a boob job and feel a need to defend her. You believe loves aces everything? So your greatest love turns out to be the serial killer everyone is looking for. You gonna stand by your man and invite him to bed every night? My sister had a boob job and desperately wanted me to have one too. Now she is 54 years old with breasts that look like those of a perky 20 year old and now she has to go under the knife again to try to get a new face to match the breasts. My husband is content with my droopy breasts, gray hair and lined face. I am still with the man i married at 17 and she is on her third husband who is tiring of paying for all of the vanity surgery. He has to pay for a new face and he would rather have a new car. He told me this and made me promise not to tell Sis. My husband can buy a new car when ever he wants, that is after he finishes the sun porch and builds a new raised rose bed with gravel walks. You sound like you are having a knee jerk reaction because it is a MAN that is angry at a woman. You got MAN problems, Honey??????

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A female reader, Devilish Angel United States +, writes (30 January 2008):

Devilish Angel agony auntI still feel like you are being really...jerkish. I mean, you must love her to have married her. You are just using this boob job as an excuse. What she wants to do with her body is her business just like what you do to your body is your business. I mean, you really sounds like a child the way you go on and on about what she did to you. Boo hoo. Stop bring so pessimistic about it. Step back and just look with unbiased eyes.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008):

original poster. why some of you seem to forget is that sexual attraction is fragile and that a person can be so disgusted by something a spouse does that the physical attraction is killed off. that's my situation. she has disfigured herself going to a quack doctor whose only qualification (as i heard her tell her close friend)is that he is "so cute". why did i leave? the total disregard for my feelings to the point i felt unimportant, unneeded and the new boobs were what was really important and needed. and the stupidity factor; she has shrunk so far in my esteem that i don't see how i can look on her again without scorn. i don't understand the whole thought process behind this and why didn't she find a competent surgeon? a little checking revealed that he is being sued now for botching a woman's face. i saw her picture. it looked like she used it as a shield in a sword fight. its a mess. at least my wife can hide her mess under a shirt and not have to show to the world like the other poor woman, god give her comfort for her pain. i want you to know that i left before the operation, hoping that she would become sensible. she told me that some other lucky guy will get to enjoy the "new and improved twins". well, let him, i say. she came to my motel to "show me" how i was wrong and i was sickened at what she let be done to her. i could never be sexually aroused by those scared and lumpy breasts. she could see the damage and she said "well, all i need is a little touch up and they will be fine". after she left, i went out and had several whiskey sours and cried on the bartenders shoulder. and yes, i admit i got enraged and probably over reacted. but my reaction was in proportion to my disappointment. so, i am going back to a place where, what seems a long time ago, i was extremely happy. i will eat kao pot (the national dish of Thailand) and drink Singha (a pretty good Thai beer) and go to the afternoon tea dances. i will enjoy all the pretty faces of the beautiful Thai women and forget the train wreck my life became. there was where she found me. it was too bad she didn't leave me there.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008):

Good for you - I wish more men were 'disgusted' by it. Perhaps then the whole procedure would be banned.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008):

original poster. to kay kay: you didn't see the result. it is ugly. if you get the same results you may say "mai pen lai, khap." as a result you would be moe hoe mak mak. all i would say is " dee mak!!!" to all the women who are singing its her body tune: true it is her body, but she was willing to destroy her marriage for a boob job and it looked like it was done by an amateur. so why should i have to like it or stay around to look at that sad mess. i could tell she was disappointed in the result and really wanted me to say it was ok. say all those consoling words but, i just couldn't do it. i did not feel sorry for her. i keep my self fit and healthy and i really would like a big dick but, i certainly wouldn't let some quack with a knife and an implant touch it. I certainly wouldn't do it if my wife was against it. there is usually a reason for someone to be so adamant against something. the results on her chest show why i was against it.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (29 January 2008):

Yos agony auntEveryone is giving you a hard time here, which in my opinion is not the way to approach this.

You made it completely clear to your wife that you didn't want her to go ahead with this. She went and did it anyway. People are arguing that 'its her body, she can do what she likes with it' but, frankly, in a marriage it's just not as simple as that. Part of being married is being willing to compromise, to accept the wishes of your partner. In some ways you are two halves of the same person. In this case, given that you really didn't want her to do it, and given that you're the only person who is going to get up close and personal with them, I really do question her decision. I'm not saying a wife should accept orders from her husband, but if your partner objects strongly to you having plastic surgery then you should be willing to listen to that, male or female. They are the one who is going to have to spend the rest of their life looking at it. I would expect this decision, and similar kinds, for both sexes, to be made together and mutually within a marriage.

On the flip side, the intensity of your anger is not going to help the situation. If you want any hope of resolving this then you're going to need to calm down and start dealing with it rationally and with a level head. Only you can get yourself to that place.

In your shoes I would honestly consider asking her to have the operation reversed (and offering to pay for it btw). It's just been done so her skin and breasts shouldn't be significantly effected by what has happened. If it's between that and you walking out, then that seems to be a better solution. The only other way out of this is for you to accept it, and whilst that would be a good solution, I don't realistically seeing that happening given the circumstances.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008):

Leeave!!!! So she can find someone who will appreciate her no matter what she does to her body..maybe she was feeling insecure and wanted boobs to gain more confidence..Geez what a loser you are buddy. Secondly I don't think it has anything to do with the boob job..You probably just want to control her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008):

original poster...first of all she didn't have an operation because of cancer or other illness; she didn't get scars because of a car wreck. if she had, i would stand by her. when i said it was hideous, well they are hideous. two large thick scars under her nipples and so much junk shoved under her skin she looks like her breasts are trying to launch off her chest. the proportions are god awful. she used to look nice in a t-shirt and the jiggle was so cute.the they don't jiggle now. she is 5'3" and her chest is now 5'10" around.to eat and watch tv now does not require one those tv tables. all she has to do is plop the tray on her boobs and eat away. they will hold a thanksgiving platter and not droop an inch. for the one guy: i don't believe bigger is better. for "you can take out the implants" lady: how are you going to get rid of the scars. i may be funny this way but, ugly scars don't make my putter flutter, you know what i mean? i don't own her body, but she went ahead knowing that i will hate it and that shows no concern for me, only for herself. and "leaving for small and petty reasons" lady: they ain't small now and they weren't small then; B cup - give me a break! now its double D and hard as concrete. hey that is really sexy...hey bigger is better - post your e-mail and i'll send u her number. you two were made for each other. (uh, sarcasm here in case you didn't get it, don't really put you email here) oh yeah, for "she did it to look like my porn chicks": porn is boring, live flesh is what turns me on and when i look at a naked girl i like proportionate natural breasts..if i liked the fake boob porn look, i would not be pissed off now would i???? your brain matches my wifes. what you all don't get is that more than anything i hate stupidity and reckless body marring stupidity is more than i can take and i have to go. oh yes, she said "i did it for you" even though i told her i would repulse me. i looked at her chest and wanted to throw up. i felt that i could have forgiven cheating more easily. well she looks like a porn star now. all she has to do is start up a website. i can say truthfully, i won't be looking at it...

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (29 January 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI'm not sure if you want help or if you're just informing us about a decision.

If you want help, I can say this much. What she does to her body is her own business. You may like or dislike the end result, but it's up to her to do what she wants.

I'm not sure I would leave a wife just because she got larger boobs. Being a Latin American, I tend to believe that would give me two more powerful reasons to stay with her. We even have a saying in that regard: "Two breasts pull harder than two ox carts". But, I recognize, tastes vary.

What about the rest of the relationship? You are giving the message that your entire life with this lady depended on her having small breasts. Is that the case?

As to her being shallow and vain, I suppose that she can be just as shallow and vain with big boobs as with small boobs. If I had to take "shallow and vain", I would go for the "big boobed shallow and vain". And then, I don't think she began to be "shallow and vain" the minute she got breast enlargement. If she is that way, then she must have been like that her entire life. Is it only now that you noticed? I don't think so. I understand you disapprove of what she did, but divorce is way too much, I guess. You're blowing this out of any proportion.

Only you can know what you will do. I think you should reflect on what you want to do.

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A female reader, Devilish Angel United States +, writes (29 January 2008):

Devilish Angel agony auntWow. Read your own question. Its not even much of a question. Its more of a rant that reveals how tiny your brain is and how huge your ego is. You act like since she's your wife, that you own her body. Does that mean she can tell you to start working out because you're too fat to be attractive for her? How would you feel? She decided to do this probably because she wants you to look at her the way you look at porn chicks. She wants to be attractive and desirable to you. Then you go and tell her you don't like her boob job. Its as good as telling her that she's ugly. Circus freak? Whatever.

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A male reader, maxsteel86 United Kingdom +, writes (29 January 2008):

maxsteel86 agony auntgood on you pal, leave already. when you're married, what one person does affects the other, regardless of who owns what. take for example, an episode of CSI i watched a while ago. there was a guy who blamed all his problems on his leg and so decided the best thing to do would be to amputate it. he tried getting the doctors to do it by seriously mutilating his leg. well anyway, he was married. his wife didn't like his plan and so left him.

even though this was from a tv show, the mental disorder that causes this type of behaviour does exist. so, it was his body, was his wife right telling him not to mutilate it or totally in the wrong?? i'm pretty sure everyone would say she was right.

in this case, its a boob job, something thats more accepted. its a woman's surgery, done particularly on women (and an insignificant number of men) so as soon as you said you hated it, you could've guessed there'd be a whole lotta feminists defending women's rights here to do what they want with their body. my advice to you, be strong and follow the plan you set out after maybe calming down a bit. and then if you still wanna leave, atleast take the car!!!

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A female reader, thatgothgirl20 United States +, writes (28 January 2008):

thatgothgirl20 agony auntSpeaking as a female, um, ahem, it's HER body, NOT yours. Just because you are going out, or married, or whatever, doesn't mean that her body is yours just because you are having sex with it. Thx.

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A female reader, xxmissxx United Kingdom +, writes (28 January 2008):

xxmissxx agony auntok firstly, im wondering whether you love the woman you AGREED to marry! AND DID MARRY! I sounds like youve made up your mind, but if your going to leave her for such a small and in my opinion petty reason, i think its safe to say your shallow, thats in the understanding you only go for her physical appearance. be honest with yourself, is it you were looking for any old excuse to leave to cover up for another reason?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):

Wow, take a big deep breath, find somewhere quiet and calm down. Sit down and think about this situation rationally. A marriage is a partnership, I agree and she should have taken your feelings into consideration but don't you think your the one behaving 'shallow' here? After all, when you took your oaths with her it was because you 'loved her' wasn't it? What would happen if (god forbid) she had been in an accident that marred her looks, would you walk out because she didn't look the same? When we fall in love, we love everything about that person and life isnt worth living without them, they complete us, its our other half. A marriage is sacred and believe me if you love your wife you wont be walking out on her because she got a boob job. God, I just heard of a friend who lost his wife due to cancer and left him with 3 kids, hes devastated and your pissed off and dumping your wife because she had the audacity to go against your wishes and have a boob job! Please, put life into perspective and work at it. Theres bigger problems to come than something like this so show the strength and depth of your love...

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A female reader, leyan New Zealand +, writes (28 January 2008):

leyan agony auntHi,

I can understand your anger, but are you really going to destroy your marriage over a boob job!!, do you love your wife?, if you do, you should get your head around the idea of her new breasts, she only did it, thinking you might like her more, she is a victim of the media, and the image it shows of woman beeing beautiful only if they have a certain figure, put yourself in her shoes, and imagine what she must be feeling now, instead of getting compliments, she got her husband telling her , she looks hideous, and he would not ever touch them, and even willing to divorce her over this.

I'll tell you an incident that happened to a girl I know, she has very long dark hair, she always wanted to get it lighter, but her husband refused, one day she thought she will surprise him, she had her hair highlighted in blond highlights, when her husband saw her, he told her she looked nice, but that her hair needed some trimming, he will do it for her, he took the scicors and cut her hair as short as possible (I mean really short, just with the neckline), she was devistated, he said, I told you not to change the colour.

What do you think of this man?,do u agree, with what he did?

I thought he was really awful to do that to her.

Any way, please reconsider, and you know, implants can be taken out, so maybe your wife will consider taken them out.

Good luck and best wishes.

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A female reader, Trinnity08 United Kingdom +, writes (28 January 2008):

Trinnity08 agony aunti can understand how you feel but take a step back dont you think ur being shallow .you love ur wife dont you , its not all about looks and she was trying to make her self happy with her body . Is it really worth throwing away your marrige for , wait until your anger subsides then make decistions dont be rash be happy xx trinnity

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):

Doesn't really sound like a question. Consider how she felt before did she lack self-esteen? I am of the same mentality as you and have never understood why women want to shove bags of silicon inside their perfectly formed bodies. Dont rush into it, you may regret it. Talk to her sensibly and get her to see it from your point of view. Good Luck.

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A female reader, LouLee United Kingdom +, writes (28 January 2008):

LouLee agony auntOkay so i understand why you're angry and disgusted. What i would like to know is why she wanted them 'done'. If she done it for pure fun then i probably would totally agree with you, however if she had them 'done' because she was really unhappy with her body then i also see her point of view.

Personally i would not leave someone just because they changed their body...you're supposed to love them for who they are, not what they look like but that's my opinion.

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