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My partner is obsessed with affairs and with pretty young girls.

Tagged as: Cheating, Forbidden love, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 July 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 2 July 2013)
A age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My partner seems obsessed about watching television programmes all about having affairs, or men getting one over on women. If it was just a couple of times a week it wouldn't be an issue, but its every night.

Our SKY is full of recorded films all with the adultery theme, and programmes like two and a half men.

My partners phone is full of topless women, and pretty young girls, at least one of which is a very attractive work experience girl where he is employed. He buys sweets for cheerleaders (he has a favourite) at football and gives then to her if she will pose for or with him.

Sometimes he lays in bed with his eyes closed but with the television on and on hearing a female voice asks me sharply "is that tart worth me looking at or not?"

When we are making love he will stop or manouvre me into a different position to see a pretty girl on the television. He insists on having the TV on!

He is always checking other women out especially teenagers. A guy at a football match once shouted at him for being a perv, for all the attention he was demanding from his favourite cheerleader.

I have tried to explain that I don't like it, he thinks I'm just jealous but thinks he is reassuring me by telling me I am beautiful and he wouldn't be seen with a minger!I find it all revolting and disresptful. I know men have to look, but this is pure lusting after so many women and often teenagers/ 20 year olds, whether I am there or not.

We have been together for 2 years, he cheated on his wife numerous times. He says that everymans ideal is to have the loving wife in the kitchen, a lady in the dining room and a whore in the bedroom. I am no prude and he tells me I am all those things and thats why he loves me and stays with me. These women are just extra eye candy...some of which in the past he has been physical with..but he excuses this by saying "it would be rude not too." He says he has also visited a brothel twice but just talked!

He cheated on me (if you can call it that) twice that I know of, by texting and chatting to a woman he met on a work trip behind my back for weeks after he came back..it stopped when I found out. I also found flirty texts with his ex but she turned down his invitation for them to meet.

He is a practiced and proud liar, but he swear he loves me and shows it in all other ways.

Do I need help or does he?

View related questions: affair, cheated on me, flirt, his ex, jealous, liar, text

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A female reader, HappyPlace United Kingdom +, writes (2 July 2013):

HappyPlace agony auntLook up the term "sociopath" - I think you are living with one. It's very hard to turn your back on the good stuff in the relationship, but the bad stuff will eventually poison your heart. Try and find a way out. Equally, read the book "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout (I think that's her name). Best of luck xx

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (1 July 2013):

Yos agony auntAll men are not like this. Very few are, fortunately.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you missaqua777 x

My fiance is a true hedonist,,,drinks 15 units daily, smokes, eats what he likes, watches his choices as mentioned on TV, spends vast amounts of cash on everything, runs up huge debts (but paid them off with money from the marital home). He is also an opportunist, live for today "something will turn up" kind of man...and it usually does.

He can also be the kindest and most thoughtful man. He is a man of extremes...exceptionally kind and generous with huge romantic gestures..the wow factor. And then he also behaves as in my post.

We live in my house, I own it, I have no debt and live within my means, he spends extraordinary amounts of cash on transforming it, and leaves himself with little. This could be viewed as rather feckless as I could ask him to leave tomorrow!

He has always mixed with people who think like he does. I am trying to show him what I believe is a better and all round healthier way to live. He has never been out with anyone like me (I'm like Mary Poppins comapred to his ex's)!

I'm not holding out much hope, he has to be who he wants to be, I'm trying to educate him. I just keep being a good person and hope that some decency rubs off on him.

Naive ...maybe...but this is my last relationship..I am done, no more complication, I'd rather be on my own..I'm not bad company and have great friends.

lu x

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (1 July 2013):

Trust me, you're better off without him. Not all men are like this at all, and he knows this. He just tells you it because it puts you off leaving.

His behavior is utterly creepy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you caring guy. I did as you said and read back through my post...I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!

You used the word vile...that is how I find it. But he tells me that all men think like he does, and that they are just not honest enough to say, and that he is more honest than anyone. I'm not sure how he justifies the blatant lies whereby he swears on my life and that of all that he loves on something that turns out to be utterly untrue.

Of course as this is a problem site I haven't mentioned all the good things that I don't have an issue with. He is very loving, (but also very moody), extremely generous and romantic.In fact he is a man of vast extremes...way beyond the norm with kindness and then this vile behaivour and an unbelievable manipulative and highly vindictive streak that frightens me, we would have to part on good terms as he would do everything to ruin me if we didnt.

My only consolation..is that if we break up..or when...I never have to go through anything like this again. I've learned enough about how men think to make me steer well clear for a lifetime. No offence intended! x lu

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013):

What do you think you've done that's so bad in life that you deserve the burden of being with this revolting bloke? EUGHh he makes me feel sick- this "man" is a pervert! Fact!

You both need help- you help to increase your self worth and get away from him, and him... Well he just sounds wired in the head, like caring guy said, don't know if any help would get through to him....

You really can't have a high opinion of yourself to stand for this. Am telling you though you DONT deserve this, there can be no good of staying with this pathetic excuse of a man... Is it your house? Then just throw him out, don't blink twice . Otherwise do whatever you can to get away from him; stay with a friend, rent somewhere as cheap as possible, stay with parents. You don't owe him a THING, he is just a disgusting person.

Xx

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (1 July 2013):

To be honest, I can't work out why you're with him. He seems utterly vile. You need to read your own post back, and really take in what you've said, because he comes across as a real creep.

Does he need help? I don't think there's any help that would get through to him.

Do you need help? Possibly, if you really think that this is a good relationship that you want to be in. Because, let's face it, it's just not. If anything, you probably need help leaving him.

Seriously, look back at your post, and pick out something good about him. You won't find anything. Then pick out the reasons you should leave. You'll find at least 12 reasons.

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