A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time now. He is in the marines in one state, while I am in another state. We've hung out a lot before he left, and I was pretty thin then. I have Gained some weight since ive last seen him. He asks me for "sexy" pictures, but since I'm insecure about my body, I send him fake ones I find online and crop the face out. I feel really bad because I'm lying to him about my body, but I feel like its the only way to keep him around.. what should I do?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): You do realize that the pictures have a high chance of being used against you? And that feeling of uncomfortableness is your mind telling you that it is a bad idea. Just don't and you'll save yourself future embarrassment.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2013):
 two thoughts...
1. never lie.
2. never send pictures to anyone you would not want your mom or grandma to see....
If he asked for sexy pictures of YOU... you've lied
if he asked for sexy pictures in general... well then you sent him what he asked for.... (albeit it's still not right that you are passing them off as you)
i met my husband when I was in dire need of reconstructive body surgery... he loved me before the surgery.... cared for me as I recovered... loved me after... I lost too much weight (too thin is uglier than too fat to be honest) and he still loved me and wanted me...
i started regaining my weight... got back to where I wanted and now have surpassed it by 15 pounds... he still loves me and wants me...
yes it's more of a shock when they haven't seen you in a while... and it's more noticeable... and folks may comment.. my hubby has gained 35 pounds he needed about 15 but now needs also to lose about 10-15 pounds... it's very noticeable on him and last weekend a long time friend who has never seen him so big asked him "when's the baby due" ,my poor hubby nearly cried.... (see even men worry about their weight)
you need to be honest with him... and the truth is if he leaves you over a weight gain, he was never really yours to begin with.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Do you think the only reason he is with you is because of your body?
And if it is... then is he really someone you want to be with?
Give your guy some faith and trust him. You're being very rude to your boyfriend not only through lying to him, but also by indirectly telling him you think he is shallow.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): Christ sake OP, at least learn how to use photoshop to enhance your own figure instead. That way you can adjust the lighting, add filters, and lesson the curves in a way that's not a fake pic, just a stylized one.
If you're insecure about your lose, weight lose it. By the time he gets back you'll be thin again.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 February 2013):
 You don't trust him to stick around if you have put on a few pounds? Sorry to hear you are feeling insecure but you're just piling on more complications than you need to by faking things.
I wouldn't send 'sexy' pictures to anyone you don't trust. Who knows what will happen to them? The very pictures you took off the internet may well find themselves back on the internet or texted to his buddies. it's not worth it.
Be honest. Pull yourself together and just be yourself, whatever weight that may be. Don't lie. Don't send 'sexy' pictures out there. Don't pretend. The weight gain isn't going to make him leave you, the insecurity you have about yourself will be the bigger issue. That and the lying to him.
You're not keeping him around, really, are you, as he's not nearby.
'Babe, you keep asking me for these 'sexy' pictures. I don't feel good about doing that because I don't feel comfortable with my body. It makes me feel so bad that I have done something that isn't honest. I have found pictures to send to you pretending to be me.
'This bothers me so much and I am so stressed by this that I actually lied to you. I don't want to do that anymore, and I don't want to feel that I have to pretend to be something or someone I am not.
'I'm not going to send you sexy pictures anymore. I will be sexy with you in person and over the phone but this is going too far.'
That gets you off the hook for sending him 'sexy' pictures. People change over time. I know men who were body builders at one time but now look like they eat too much dessert. No one's body stays exactly the same over time. He may have put on a few pounds himself.
So stop beating yourself up about it, stop lying to him, don't send fake pictures. Once you commit to being upfront and honest about it, you'll realize that men actually respect women who are themselves. They want real women, not fake ones. Personal strength and conviction of your own worthiness will be very liberating and uplifting.
Start now. Tell him what you need to tell him and you will feel a lot better. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 February 2013):
 Don't send fake pictures and don't lie about it. Just be honest and tell him that you don't feel comfortable sending "sexy" pictures if he can't understand or respect that, he is an idiot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): I think you need to stop lying first of all, as it's just making you feel worse about everything. Then maybe start working on getting yourself back in shape (that is assuming you are more than just a couple of pounds overweight). It will be good for your health and confidence levels. If you really think he is going to leave you for putting on a bit of weight though, are you sure he is worth the trouble?
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