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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: My husband's friendship with a co-worker has escalated to kissing and pet names and intimate vocabulary via emails. We recently became friends as couples and have enjoy their company on a few occasions. Upon noticing unusual private conversations between them I decided to check out his computer to see what was in their emails. I found there was talk of falling in love, wanting to be together etc. I told my husband about the discovery and he said that the relationship never progressed further than a few hugs and kisses. He has apologized for going too far and said that it would go no further but that he would like us to continue as couple friends. I told him that I could not do that. I could not look at her after seeing the intimate emails. He wants us to let it go and wind back the clock to being just friends. I told him it would not work. Am I wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Thanks to everyone for your helpful replies. I really appreciate your input.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Her husband needs to be informed if this. The friendship is over. Head to counseling with him- he's not truly sorry for this.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (11 March 2013):
Hell no you're not wrong! He should be offering to switch jobs to get away from her!
By the way, you need to confront the likelihood that they had sex; it's very possible that he was trying to salvage things by minimizing what he'd done. When liars get caught they lie to get out of trouble.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 March 2013):
 I think he wants his cake and eat it too.
I think he's NUTS if he thinks you will roll over, look the other way and still be friends with them?
ummm... NO WAY in my book would this be happening.
he still works with her?
I'd be moving out honey....
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (11 March 2013):
Hmmm, staying friends and in contact with the person that he cheated on you with.....Sounds like a recipe for disaster. And it shows he isn't taking things seriously about making things work between you. Instead, he finds it more important to stay in contact with the woman he has been getting more and more intimate with. Even if he does intend to be just friends, staying in contact like that will make it very difficult since the temptation is right there.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 I would say that you are not wrong.
If he maintains contact with this lady, he might never get over her and things might escalate.
I would also add: "I could not look at her after seeing the intimate emails". This was a two-person affair, so I hope you look at your husband in the same way i.e. he is as much to blame as she is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Hi,
Your husband needs to give up this woman especially since they have crossed the line. I am not sure if you are financially independant as that helps when you need to make a tough call like leaving him.
He has had an emmotional affair (if its just hugs and kisses) and it is unfair to even ask you to sit in the same room with that woman. Keep your head high and your pride and tell him its either the marriage or the friends wife.
Like I said some woman struggle to let go and accept the infidelity for whatever reasons including financial security.
So you decide what you want and what you prepared to tolerate. I must be honest if I found out what you did and my husband asked me to continue to socialise with this "friend", I would have kicked his sorry a$$ out. That is plain insulting and lack of respect for the spouse.
What ever you decide - Goodluck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): You are not wrong. There is a spark, and everything needs to be done to avoid it becoming a fire. Your husband ideally should never see the woman again. Her husband should be told, it should be bought out in the open. If your husband continues the friendship in any way at all, it will only be a matter of time before it becomes more. I have seen this MANY TIMES. They can not be 'just friends' and for it to truly be just friends. They will long for each other, and by 'looking but not touching' that desire will only grow.HOWEVER, you do not really have a right to demand what your husband does, unless it is a deal breaker for you. You can tell him how you feel, and what you need, but it is up to your husband to respect your wishes, care for your feelings and to take the necessary action BECAUSE HE WANTS TO. If you DEMAND what he is to do, he will either do it anyway behind your back, or grow to resent you for it. You most certainly do not have to be friends with the other woman. She has totally disrespected you and your marriage, and I would suggest you cut a person like that out of your life. Your husband OWES it to YOU and your marriage, to nip it in the bud now.You need to decide though, that if your husband CHOOSES to keep seeing this woman, what YOUR choice will be.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 Uhm, probably not. And I think the other lady's husband would see it just like you.
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