A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together about 7 years and he has recently been texting women through Facebook. He says it’s all innocent flirting. These women are in other countries. I expressed to him that I was uncomfortable with him talking to these women. What he told me is that these women know that he is married and that the conversations would never be more than that “just conversations” that he has never and will never act out on. He tells me he would never cheat on me, he says that he feels flattered that these women want to be his friend. I don’t have many friends who I can ask their opinion about this or even vent out a little, so I am reaching out here and see what your opinion is. I don’t know if I am being overly jealous or if I’m overreacting or making more of this than what it really is. He is always home and doesn’t go out unless is with close family. Should I be worried.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 February 2016):
 "Should I be worried."? Yes....
Good luck....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2016): Well, I'm ok with texting other women, but not flirting.
If you agree, tell him that you will saw it off at that, otherwise spmething else will get sawed-off!
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A
male
reader, atomic2016  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 well,I think there is a trigger factor.What has offset him to want to start chatting all of a sudden to a whole bunch of assorted women?Maybe,he just wants to rejuvenate his "old school touch",feel young again or maybe there is something lacking in your own personal relationship and he is trying to find the "spark" on social media.But for all intents and purposes here is a guy who is doing this openly and is not making any effort to hide his actions thereby making him very sincere and honest at this juncture.I suggest you pull your socks up and try to spice things up in the relationship.The fact you guys have been together for 7 good years means you guys are really in it to be a unit.Prepare for week 2(the next 7yrs) and change things a bit.do things as a couple you have never done before and change your routine in doing simple things and preety soon he will close that laptop and shelve it.you will be allright
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 Whatever his reasons are, surely your husband has got some cheek, I agree.
It may be "innocent " in the sense that it will never lead to actual intecourse, but certainly flirting with strangers is not the most appropriate hobby for a married man.
I could cut him some slack if he were your typical
" natural flirt ", a charming, outgoing , extrovert ( and a bit vain ) people pleaser, who likes to be liked, and to make people feel liked. Not the easiest husband to handle, but hey, if this his personality is sort of normal that, if, BY CHANCE, he meets ladies IRL he won't turn suddently into a totally different guy.
But, that , as his hobby, he chooses in cold blood to sit down at his PC to go romancing unknown ladies ... WTF ?! How can he think this is OK ( ...he does not,actually, he just counts on you being doormattish enough to not object )object ) and if he does he needs urgently to go to Husbands School to be retrained and requalified.
If I were you I would not put up with this , it does not matter if it is innocent meaning that is not sexual ( YET ) , it is still disrespectful to you. Tell him to pick up other hobbies which are compatible with his status of married guy . If he does not- he might have to change status and be single .
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (18 February 2016):
 Well if it's innocent flirting then it's ok then...NOT! your his bloody wife for pete sake.You hubby has one hell of a cheek. How them being in another country is supposed to justify his actions is simply imbecile. The world can become a very small place with an insatiable appetite for adoration as being tempted to up the ante with the woman much closer living around the corner. Should you be worried, maybe not just yet but you can bet your bottom dollar he takes it all under ground can continues to do it behind your back. If he can put the time and effort into his on line shenanigans then he has no excuse not to do the same and make time for spending QUALITY time with you. Your daughter is not the cause, there are baby sitters out there just as there is loose women.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2016): Hi. It's tough to hear, but he is starting down a path that will very likely lead to cheating. He's looking for attention, he will crave it more and more as he is substituting whatever he is missing from his relationship with you, and he will continue to make excuses for it being ok... Like sharing the fact he is asking it with you... It in his head gives him permission because you know about it... Thus will get worse, the content will get sexual, there will be video calls or pictures etc, or he'll start something closer to home....who the hell messages strangers for flirting? How are they even on his fb?? This is not acceptable - and you need to tell him so! Then put both your energy into flirty with each other. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2016): Facebook should not be even be coming precedence over talking with you his girlfriend, let alone talking flirting with other females. I would not stand for it and would go out and find a man who actually wants to do things with his girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 February 2016):
 Yes I can see why having a three year old would put a bit of strain on your marriage. It is hard raising a child. But really you do need to talk to him about these issues before they get worse. Tell him how it makes you feel, ask him how he would feel if it was the other way around.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (17 February 2016):
 There is nothing innocent about him flirting. It's just an ego boost that he can get another woman to pay attention at him. You need to put a stop to it, but also perhaps look at the romance between you two because this could mean something is missing. You may have to figure it out what it would take to boost the romance, and try not to be too obvious nor long winded demanding that he tells you whats wrong because he may not even know. So find the way to spark things up, but as for the texting, that has got to go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hear where you are coming from. Our intimacy is actually good., I don't ever deny him anything and neither does he., were intimate for the most part at least several times a week. The only thing which I can think of is that we don't get so spend much alone time like going on dates together because of our 3 yr old daughter. Sometimes I think that's why he is doing it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (17 February 2016):
Yes I think you should be worried. I am not saying he will actively go out and cheat on you, but still he is heading down a bad road.
He says it is innocent flirting, I wonder how he would feel if you where flirting with other men? These are strangers he is reaching out to, he wants the attention, he wants them flattering his ego. But I wonder why? How is the intimacy in your relationship? It seems to me like he is looking for attention else where. It might start off as flirting but it will more than likely end with sexual conversations and maybe video calls with these women. Tell him that you don't think this is acceptable in your marriage. If he doesn't agree to stop talking to these women then that shows he doesn't care about your feelings.
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