A
female
age
30-35,
*im.2013
writes:i am from India..i am in a major trouble.i broke up with my boyfriend because he was so manipulative and controlling. he made my life like hell.In the initial days of our relationship i gave him my gmail and facebook password.Not even in my dreams i thought that he will misuse them like this. he used to send messages form my account to his account(sex chat). after sending them he used to delete them. i was not aware about this. after i broke up he send me all those chats and blackmailed me that he will going to show these things to my parents and my friends. i was so shocked.so i told everything to my parents that i never done this..it was his stupid plan to ruin me. they trust me so much.but i am scared what if he send these messages to my friends also.It can ruin my image.The other problem is we have some Photos, in which he is holding my hand.you can say very cute romantic pics. we clicked them in my best friend's house.she invited us for lunch. but now he is blackmailing me that he will going to say to everyone that these photos are clicked in a hotel room and we slept together. oh god why he is doing this to me. i never slept with him. i was always supportive to him. i never said any bad things about him. he was so abusive. he isolated me form my friends. he ruined my career. so i left him...now he wants to ruin my image also.he keep on saying that he is a man and i am a women and if i want to survive i need a man like him otherwise he will ruin me.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 And CMMP has also made some very valid suggestions about addressing the security of your facebook and your email. If he has added any additional email accounts (to recover a password) then delete the ones he has added. Changing all your passwords to very difficult to discover ones is a good move too.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 January 2013):
Blackmail is illegal in your country. Tisha-1 has given you excellent advice below. First I am going to give you the resources to help you deal with this low life who is threatening you. Give in to his threats and your situation will not be good. He can go to jail for blackmailing you.Resources to help you:http://www.hotpeachpages.net/asia/asia1.html#IndiaAdditional Domestic violence resources in IndiaIndia's List of Resources for Domestic Violence and more Resources for women in India• Jagori -women's training, documentation, communication and resource centre. o Contact: B-114, Shivalik, Malviya Nagar NEW DELHI 110 017 o Phone: 011 26691219 and 2669 1220 o Victim Services: a counseling center and support group for women survivors of violence. o Helpline: 011 2669 2700 (Mon-Fri, 9.30-5.30). contact direct for the email• Sakshi: Delhi. A Violence Intervention for Women and Children -- works on sexual harassment, sexual assault, child sexual abuse and domestic violence. o Address: B-67 South Extension Part-1, First Floor, New Delhi-110065. o Phone: 4643946/4623295 contact direct for the email• Women's Rights Initiative:runs a pro bono legal aid cell for domestic violence cases and are also associated with law reforms in the area of domestic violence. o Address: First floor, Masjid road, Jungpura, New Delhi. o Phone: 4316925 / 4313904 / 432101. contact direct for the email• Majlis, Bombay. (Flavia, Veena or Saumya) - 618 0394 • SNEHA:works to empower women/children in poor urban communities. SNEHA's Center for Vulnerable Women and Children specifically provides services (including counseling, legal assistance and community organizing) to women and children experiencing domestic violence. o Crisis Helpline: (+91 22) 2404 0045 Phone: (+91 22) 2404 2627 / 2408 6011 o Head Office Address: 310, 3rd Floor, Urban Health Center,60 Feet Road, Dharavi, Mumbai 400 017 • Swaadhar, Bombay. (Jyoi Kelkar) - 872 0638 • International Foundation for Crime Prevention and Victim Care (PCVC), Chennai. o Crisis-line +91 44 43111143; contact direct for the email• SNEHA( Madras): voluntary organization offering emotional support to the lonely, depressed and suicidal. SNEHA is open 365 days a year and services are free. o Visit- 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. at 11, Park View Road, R.A. Puram, Chennai 600028 o Phone: 044-24650050- 24 HOURS A DAY • Vimochana: Helps women with issues ranging from domestic violence , sexual harassment at work. o Services: counseling, service provision, education/outreach, mobilizing/organizing,activism. o 2124 16th B Main 1-A Cross, HAL IInd Stage, Bangalore 560038. o Phone: (city code = 80) 526 9307. • Anweshi Women's Counselling Centre: near YWCA, Cannanore Road, Kozhikode 673 001. o Runs a counseling, mediation and resource center for women in an abusive situation. o If writing to them, please enclose a self-addressed envelope with sufficient postage. • Sachetna, 31, Mahairban Road, Calcutta. • Socio-Legal Aid Research and Training Center: P-112 Lake Terrace, Calcutta. • Pragatisheel Mahila Manch:11 N. Ho Chi Minh Road, Sarania, Behala, Calcutta 700 061. • Swayam located at 9/2 B Deodar Street, Kolkata 700019. o Phone: 2486 3367, 2486 3378, 2486 3357 contact direct for the emailSakshi, Delhi. A Violence Intervention for Women and Children -- works on sexual harassment, sexual assault, child sexual abuse and domestic violence. Focuses on equality education for judges, implementation of the 1997 Supreme Court Sexual Harassment Guidelines, outreach and education. B-67 South Extension Part-1, First Floor, New Delhi-110065. Tel: 4643946/4623295 Women's Rights Initiative runs a pro bono legal aid cell for domestic violence cases and are also associated with law reforms in the area of domestic violence. 63 / 2, First floor, Masjid road, Jungpura, New Delhi. Ph: 4316925 / 4313904 / 432101. Majlis, Bombay. (Flavia, Veena or Saumya) - 618 0394 Swaadhar, Bombay. (Jyoi Kelkar) - 872 0638 Vimochana, 2124 16th B Main 1-A Cross, HAL IInd Stage, Bangalore 560038. Phone: (city code = 80) 526 9307. Deals with many women's issues from domestic violence to labour issues. Activities range from counselling, service provision, education and outreach, mobilizing and organizing, activism. Anweshi Women's Counselling Centre, near YWCA, Cannanore Road, Kozhikode 673 001. Run a counselling, mediation and resource center for women facing any kind of abusive situation. If writing to them, please enclose a self-addressed envelope with sufficient postage. Sachetna, 31, Mahairban Road, Calcutta. Socio-Legal Aid Research and Training Center, P-112 Lake Terrace, Calcutta. Pragatisheel Mahila Manch, 11 N. Ho Chi Minh Road, Sarania, Behala, Calcutta 700 061. Swayam, 11 Balu Hakkak Lane, Calcutta 70017. Phone: 2803429; 2803688. https://www.apc.org/en/system/files/How%20Technology%20is%20Being%20Used%20to%20Perpetrate%20Violence%20Against%20Women%20%E2%80%93%20And%20to%20Fight%20it.pdfSome people will tell you that the police will do nothing and that you cannot take your claims of blackmail to the police. That may be true in some cases, such as this one:http://southasia.oneworld.net/peoplespeak/police-can2019t-be-201cwomen-friendly201d-without-being-citizen-friendlyBut things are changing in India and organisations like Manushi are protesting to ensure good changes will occur in the future:http://www.indiatogether.org/manushi/issue120/domestic.htmSpeaking out and not suffering in silence is the only way to expose these unacceptable practices. Therefore to show you that others are speaking out I have assembled a small number of the many blackmail cases that do result in an arrest in India . People do attempt to blackmail women. It is not rare in some parts of the world. It is though a CRIME whereever it occurs.But some brave women are going to Police in India. And Blackmailers in India are being arrested. Here are a few examples.http://newint.org/blog/2012/10/26/cyber-harrassment-chennai/http://criminalrecordsindia.com/2012/12/13/bangalore-supermarket-manager-arrested-for-blackmailing-employee/http://www.indianexpress.com/news/2-arrested-for-blackmailing-women-with-morphed-photos/910380http://www.indiatvnews.com/crime/news/security-official-arrested-for-blackmail-rape-in-mumbai--2015.htmlhttp://www.indiatvnews.com/crime/news/-college-students-held-for-blackmailing-girl-in-surat--1513.htmlhttp://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-06-13/mumbai/32214780_1_mira-road-malwani-aksa-beachhttp://stop-abusing-women.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/jun-13-2012-man-held-for-blackmailing.htmlhttp://criminalrecordsindia.com/tag/shravan-meena/http://indianmilitarynews.wordpress.com/tag/blackmail/http://www.indiatvnews.com/crime/news/kolhapur-school-instructor-students-gangrape-blackmail-rape-mms-1373.htmlhttp://www.indiatvnews.com/crime/news/dentist-arrested-raping-blackmailing-married-woman-haryana-1277.htmlhttp://www.indiatvnews.com/crime/news/police-arrests-rapist-tutor-in-ghaziabad-785.htmlEvery time a blackmailer is arrested in India and his face is exposed and the SHAME is entirely his SHAME then it makes other blackmailers realize that they might be exposed too.Making it more obvious that there are LAWS in India that make this a CRIMINAL matter will bring the problem out into the open. Please seek advice from one of the free resources above.good luck with this
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 January 2013):
 You are feeling powerless, so change that. Trick him into writing the blackmail, document, document, document. Pretend you are considering getting back with him so he reveals his intentions in writing.
Destroy his credibility with your friends by showing them the proof of his blackmail.
We have a saying: give him enough rope to hang himself.
If you are fearful of him harming you, are three any women's shelters that could offer you protection and advice?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 January 2013):
You should log in to your accounts and change the passwords. If he's already done that then you should be able to go to "forgot password?" which will give you a chance to reset or change your password.
Regarding the pictures... Keep something in mind: if he goes and shows people the pictures and tries to claim you were at a hotel, people will be very suspicious of him. The first thing that would come to their mind isn't "why was she in a hotel" but "why is this guy trying to get her in trouble?"
Tell your parents what's happening (everything you told us) and what he's trying to do. That way they'll expect this insane behavior from this guy if it happens. They may even be able to help you.
After you've done all that the next time he calls you, tell him you will never get back with him and you've told your parents everything so your not afraid of his manipulative behavior any more.
Do you think he'd ever hurt you? If so then you REALLY need to tell your parents and the police.
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