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My boyfriend wants me to give him oral sex but I don't want to...what should I do??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 January 2008) 22 Answers - (Newest, 7 February 2012)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend wants me to preform oral sex but I don't want to. What should I do?

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A male reader, almorr United Kingdom +, writes (7 February 2012):

If your boyfriend want to perform oral sex with you, and you think that is disgusting, just tell him, and if he insists, then dump him and get a new boyfriend who will be more sympathetic to your views regarding, well, more normal sex.

As my wife used to say, the penis is meant to go into a vagina, not the women's mouth, I agree, normal sex is best.

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A female reader, breannaleal United States +, writes (28 November 2010):

look i had the same problem as you but i solved it. me and my boyfriend were chilling and he asked me and i just changed the subject but if that doesnt work then just say no im not ready mabe later like (wenever ur ready) and if he breaks up with u for that then hes a jerk and probably was gonna break up witth u after he got what he wanted but remember do what u want and ot what other people want ull regret it for the rest of ur life if u do sumthing u didnt want to trust me i no. ill nvr forgive myself and i dont wnt that to happen to u so stay strong and i hope u CHOOSE THE RIGHT.

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A female reader, Cuttie P? United States +, writes (18 June 2009):

Ok first tell him someone tell on ur ankle and then wrapped ur ankle then u started walking like u really hurt ankle so when u go to his house and u guys r about 2 do it and his leg touch yours Just said "Ow Ow Ow" in a fake way and he change his mind. P.S. Make sure u call me the next day and tell him dat u hurt ur ankle

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A female reader, sandra211 Ireland +, writes (3 June 2009):

u should do it if u love him.i think da reason men like is because it makes them feel loved

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008):

U dont have to do some thing u dont wana do juz tell him u dont want to do it u control urself and make ur own dicisions

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008):

Sex is part of love . If you're not ready for sex , that mean you also not ready for love . Just tell him , he is only one of you friend , and not your special boyfriend . Period . As a normal friend , he don't have any privelege to get an oral sex from you . Hope this opinion may help you a lot . Regards .

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008):

Well.. to start of with you need to explain to him that is not what you want , thins can be hard to do but improves your sex life for the future.

explain to him the bad points of what he does'nt like and say its the same as you feel . explain these and if things do not change right back

yours faithfully

Dr R.Green

sexologist

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008):

iam a real WOMAN who is sick and feed up with all you girls out there always trying to make it seem that only guy/men want SEX and that you hate this and that when he asks to much he wants me to do what i dont like o do thats funny because all you other women out there who talk all kind of crap about the men well i say why are you with them then if guys this and guys that please if you are a REAL WOMAN you will please you man and if he is a REAL MAN then he will do the same for you so to all you other women / girls other if you dont like any of it then DONT BE WITH A MAN or anyone else so that matter stop all of your bitching about ohh he this he that just dont be with them duhh my MAN he pleases me how ever i want when i want in a respectable way and because of that i do the same for and too him so all you weak womean and girls learn from this ether finds what makes it better for the both of you do it make it work or shut the hell up stop your bitching at him and move on

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008):

Look if you dont want to do it and he is trying to make you do something you dont want to do then if i was you i would leave him.

Just think he is not much of a bf if he is making you try and do it is he?

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A female reader, joannaleigh United States +, writes (28 January 2008):

joannaleigh agony auntHoney, rule one of sex: you don't ever have to do anything you don't want to. And anybody who isn't down with it can go find some hootchie-mama because you don't want him anyway.

Having said this: we should figure out WHY you don't want to go down on him. Is it because you are scared? Because his P is ugly? Smelly? Because you don't know what to do? Or because you feel that it will make you feel like you are "servicing" him (like a hooker)?

If you are scared or simply not ready, than that is all you need to say to him. If he is not respectful of your feelings, that says a lot about the kind of guy he is, and you really do not need to be with somebody who does not respect your feelings or your boundaries/comfort level.

If it's because it's ugly or dirty/smelly, that can be solved. Give him a sexy bubble bath. Put whipped cream/choc. sauce/honey, etc. on his P...you get the idea.

If you are afraid that you will not know what to do, it is sooooo easy. Just get yourself some porn or watch cable. It's like a user's manual..watch and learn.

If it's because you feel a bit like a hooker servicing him, this is easily solved by simply telling him how much YOU would love to reap some down time by him, and let him take care of your needs FIRST. Let it be a mutual experience.

Now go get'em, sweetcheeks!

Take Care,

joannaleigh

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A female reader, Devilish Angel United States +, writes (26 January 2008):

Devilish Angel agony auntIf you don't want to do it, tell him you don't feel like it. It's as simple as that. You don't have to use an excuse or you shouldn't have to with your boyfriend. Tell him to give you oral sex and see what his answer is. If he won't do it, why should you? Some people just don't like to do it. Don't let him force you into it or it will cause you to dislike it for life. Go at your own pace.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (26 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntYou can tell him that your religion forbids it. He will have to respect you.That is if you are not afraid to lose your b/f to some other girls.

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A male reader, aftamath96 United Kingdom +, writes (26 January 2008):

Dont do it.if you dont want to for whatever reason,he should respect that and move on. If he cant and keeps asking maybe your not with the right guy!!

All the best Gaz

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A female reader, desirewhitefire Austria +, writes (25 January 2008):

desirewhitefire agony auntHave you ever tried giving oral sex? I actually enjoy doing it. Loads of women like doing it. It's such a turn on to hear my husband moan and pant and know that I'm the one who's making him feel that way.

But in any case, no, you shouldn't do anything you don't want to, but just remember, he may turn the tables on you and say he's not going to give you oral, which is a sad, sad loss for any woman to go through.

Just try it, and if it's a cleanliness issue that you're having, wait until after he takes a shower. You may be surprised at how erotic and intimate it is for you.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (25 January 2008):

DoubleM agony auntIf you don't want to, don't. It's up to you. Some gals love to do it, some will not. But oral sex is a two-way street. You should also not expect to be pleased by it.

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A female reader, Caylen Canada +, writes (25 January 2008):

hunny your a young lady and he should respect your feelings. follow your heart and do whats best for you. I hope he doesent force you to do it! Hope this helps..

Xox,

anonymous

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A female reader, shandygirl United States +, writes (25 January 2008):

shandygirl agony auntOral sex isn't for everyone. If you are uncomfortable with it, why force yourself to do it?

OR... Maybe you can compromise with him. Maybe you can tell him that you will do it for a little while, as long as he promises not to cum in your mouth. After you do it for a little while, then do the "other thing" that YOU want to do.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (25 January 2008):

hlskitten agony auntThen dont do it. Is there any particular reason you dont want to? Have you tried it? At the end of the day, you only do what you feel comfy with. It does my head in when guys pile the pressure on women to do what they want to them when they're not ok with it. Manipulation thats what it is. Dont fall for it.

There is plenty more things you can do, and if he cant think of anything thats his problem!

C xxxx

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A female reader, Sex Kitten Saint Helena +, writes (25 January 2008):

Sex Kitten agony auntYou can't be forced into doing something that you don't want to do but quite frankly, I personally feel that performing oral sex, foreplay, etc, etc, are all a part of the sexual experience anyway, and so you really should consider doing it at some stage - perhaps you can get into it gradually. Does your fella go down on you and give you a good licking? If he does, then it is very unfair that he is pleasuring you in this way and you are not doing the same for him. Is there any major reason WHY you don't want to do it? Just like Cherriepie I can also orgasm while performing oral on my guy - I enjoy it that much!!

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A female reader, buddys Canada +, writes (25 January 2008):

buddys agony auntWhen you're ready to do it, do it. But just remember that you can't expect it from him if you're not doing it. That isn't fair and he may feel hurt by always giving you pleasure without you returning the favor. I used to find it kinda gross and was afraid I'd do it wrong. But then I learned that guys are easy to please when it comes to that, and it's really not that bad. I actually like pleasuring him that way now.

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A female reader, Cherriepie United States +, writes (25 January 2008):

Cherriepie agony auntNo hunny you dont have to do oral sex on him if you dont want to. but at the very least you have to touch it. give him a good pleasurable handjob, and im sure he will be happy. but is he doing oral on you?...because if he is then he would have an issue with you not returning the favor. but never do anything you are not comfortable with. you may have to grow into doing it and you may end up liking it. i persnally like doing it, and i can get an orgasm when i give my guy oral too..it makes me feel that good. so keep an open mind about it always

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A female reader, XxAngelDust89xX United States +, writes (25 January 2008):

XxAngelDust89xX agony auntTell him. If he dont like it then too bad. He shouldnt want you to do something you dont wanna do, but if he doenst know your uncomfortable wtih that then you need to let him know.

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