A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in the navy and am 21 years old. When i was in Malaysia a couple years back, me and my friends were partying at a club in downtown Kuala Lumpur. We were all drinking and getting pretty drunk. Then late into the night, the club started to become crawling with hookers. These 2 hookers came to our table and were talking with us. Then they started asking us if any of us wanted to get a room with them. All but two of my friends at the table were telling them to ask me. They were all pressuring me to do it, as they knew I was a virgin and doing that sort of thing isn't my character. One friend was discouraging it and the other was neutral. I fell to the pressure. One thing lead to another and I lost my virginity to a threesome with two very good looking Malaysian women who could barely speak English. I feel kind of ashamed of the fact. I feel like this story would be bad to tell a future girlfriend or family and even some friends. On the other hand, it seems like a badass story to tell my dad and brothers.So my question is, what is the probability that a future girlfriend would be disgusted/turned off by that? Should i be ashamed or embarrassed?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012): i did the same thing when i was 18, many years ago. i gave my virginity to prostitutes. and i kept going to women like that for sex because i did not want a relationship at that time. i did not feel bad about it at the time, but now i do that i have been married for several years. i look back on it as empty sex with a strangers. i now regret it.
A
male
reader, aresu  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 people say that most women wont like you for that, but when a man doesnt like something about the sexual past of a woman, everyone will quickly come preaching you with ''the past doesnt matter and only what you both do in the future'', ok then, dont feel bad, and we will see if they follow what they preach.
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male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN +, writes (22 June 2012):
 “Should i be ashamed or embarrassed?”
WTF?
No, good Lord why should you feel bad? You lost your virginity to TWO women! How many guys in the world that can say that???
Chin up mate, you should be proud!!! Because if you aren’t, your Dad and your brothers most certainly are!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Yes, I think most girls would be definitely turned off.
I don't see though why you'd had to bring it up either with them or with family and friends. Your sex life is a private matter,- or do you tell all your cousins ,uncles, etc. every time that you jerk off ?
As for it being a " badass story " to impress your dad and brothers, I guess it's a matter of different opinions and environments. The dads and brothers I know, would think it pretty pathetic, but I guess your dad and brothers may have a different ( and , allow me, rather bizarre ) vision of what is " cool ".
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 June 2012):
 Personally, It's find it kinda yucky. But we all make good and less good decisions in our lives, this was one of your "less good ones". However my husband was stationed in Korea when he was 17.. Pretty sure he had sex with a juicy girl or two.. Which is something I can't change, find rather nasty, but I don't really spend time thinking about it.
I wouldn't brag about it for sure.
It's too late for regrets Dude. It's a done deal. Let it go.
I will also suggest you get yourself checked out.. there are some rather horrible STD's roaming the Far East and now Europa and the US.
Drug resistant gonorrhea for instance.. That can't be fun.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/06/drug-resistant-gonorrhea-sexually-transmitted_n_1573943.html?ref=health-news&ir=Health%20News
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I would be completely grossed out, and pretty much would insist on a doctor's bill of health before I'd let you touch me.
It's your life, though. I will say this -- you may have lost your virginity mechanically, but you're still an emotional baby when it comes to actually seducing a woman or building a relationship with one. Don't mistake paying hookers for gaining actual meaningful experience.
Other than that, get tested for your own sake. This type of thing is very risky, and a lifetime of herpes for a 10 second orgasm is not worth it at all, much less knowing that a woman who values her body is going to be turned off by a guy who couldn't care less about his own.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): I'm clean, in the medical sense of the word, but slept with over 30 prostitues before I met my wife.
I told her about it in a fit of guilt one night a few months before we married, and, bizarre though I find it, she didn't have a problem with this.
I regret my previous behaviour deeply now, and would undo the past if I could. You've had sex with 2 hookers one time. Big deal. You're hardly in the same 'manwhore' league as me and Peter North.
As the saying goes, "she wants to be his first, he wants to be her last".
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): Have you talked to a doctor about this experience? You may need to get tested for STDs.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Outside of the tests that you're going to have done - for STDs and HIV - I think this incident is nobody's business except YOUR's!!!!!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 First of all, thank you for your service in the military. It's a big sacrifice you are making and I just want you to know that many people appreciate it, including me.
So, on to your question.You know, most of us don't go around telling everyone how we lost our virginity. In an anonymous forum, perhaps, but honestly, it's not a topic of everyday ordinary conversation.
You are asking us how you should feel. I cannot tell you how you "should" feel. That's up to you.
You cannot change your past, you can only go forward. Most of us have done things that if we had another chance, might not do, or we'd do differently. This has happened and you can't press that desperately needed cosmic 'undo' button that would erase time or events so you can go back and get a 'do-over.' Personally, I would love that 'undo' button too, we all probably would, but time is annoyingly linear and only goes the one way.
I'd say what would be more important for you is to decide if this is something you want to brag about or not, a badass story to tell other guys you are trying to impress or bond with. Because if you do tell, eventually, that story will get back to your girl, should you ever acquire a girlfriend.
You were in a new place, alcohol on board, no girlfriend in sight, a lot of pressure and that irritating virginity problem to take care of. I'm sure it seemed like a good idea in the haze of the night. Probably not a great story to tell your mom, or post on facebook or record in other social media.
When you get close enough to a girl to actually begin to have a conversation about past experiences, remember these points: don't ask for details. Ask if there have been previous lovers, don't ask the number, and you can ask if there is anything significant that you should know. The first time seems to be a big issue for a lot of people, so keep that in mind. I don't think there's much point in going through the 'losing it' event in any detail with someone who wasn't there. It's enough to know that someone has some previous sexual experience or not, and if they have previous relationships or not.
She in turn can ask the same thing. I would tell the truth. You are in the Navy after all, and stories like yours seem to be very common. Perhaps it's a cliche, one that isn't deserved but I think most people assume young men in the service going overseas will eventually have a sexual experience of one kind or another.
It's a bit sad that it was hookers in a developing country because you don't really know if they were there fully voluntarily. There are many women who are trafficked, coerced, or otherwise forced into prostitution and they aren't there because they love having sex with random guys for money. They're sold off by their families or tricked into traveling to the city, only to find that they are beaten or drugged or threatened if they don't cooperate with their pimp.
I know, that's not probably your biggest concern, you're more worried about the story you need to convey to your future potential girlfriend but I would take the time to learn a bit about the abuses these women may suffer. Their participation may have looked enthusiastic but you have no way of knowing what would have happened to them had they not completed the act.
So that's another aspect to consider.
You could come up with a short version of it, "I lost it when I was in the Navy, overseas, drunk in a bar and I'm not really all that proud of it." And just leave it at that.
Or you could be completely honest with the potential girlfriend and tell her the truth that it was with some hookers, drunk, under pressure from your friends and then add what you have since learned about the sex trade in Malaysia and how you would do it differently if you could. That might be a really compelling story and the fact that you took the time to learn about the plight of these women trapped in prostitution rings would go a long way to mitigating the potential damage you did to her image of you.
There are aunts and anons on here who get very wound up about women's virginity and sexual pasts and men's sexual pasts with prostitutes. There are lengthy discussions about this all over this site if you look using the search feature here: http://www.dearcupid.org/search
The thing is, that what is done is done. You can't go back and erase it and feeling ashamed about it seems to me to be a waste of psychic energy. Are you still hiring women who may have been forced into prostitution for sex? Is this an ongoing life issue for you? It doesn't sound like it.
So you made an iffy decision, a few years ago, presumably you were still a teenager and not really as aware and secure in yourself as you are now, right?
I wouldn't beat myself up about this, but I wouldn't broadcast it to friends and rivals, either. Take the life lesson, learn more about the real situation vis a vis sex trafficking and move forward. That attitude, more than your past experience there in KL, will take you further than sitting around feeling ashamed or embarrassed.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 One more thing: have you been checked for STDs or even taken an HIV test?
If not, you ought to do so. You surely would not want to pass anything on to any future girfriend - or to suffer with disease yourself.
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female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Personally, I think it's sleazy, and it'd be a massive deal breaker for me.
Honestly, You shouldn't mention it.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (21 June 2012):
 The only purpose of feeling bad is that you don't do it again. It is only bad because you care about how women would think, and not that what you did was corrupt or hurtful. Some women are okay with this, but most not. When you are asking us how you should feel it means you don't really feel bad. I am not the kind of woman who would obsess over who you lost your virginity to. You can tell the next woman that the first time you did it it was casual and nothing came out of it. If the relationship gets serious then you can tell her since she becomes your girlfriend you are not the kind of person to get into details.
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