A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have a complex situation that’s ruining my life and I need some advice or answers to get me out of the hard situation I’m in. I’m depressed, stressed and so confused, and it all boils down to my past experiences growing up and the lack of freedom I have currently. I thought it would be best to first explain my past for you guy to understand my current situation and how I feel. So I’m 21 and have one older brother. I had a greatly childhood from the ages 0-6 and was always happy and full excitement. My parents lost a significant amount of money when I was 5, so life started to get hard as we would always move around a lot and my parents would fight like crazy. My brother was the golden child, always doing great academically and brilliant at most things. Me on the other, I was an average student but had no interest in school as I was bullied a lot. My dad hated my averageness and always expected me to do as well as my brother so I would always get emotional/verbal abuse for not doing great. I also suffered from extreme psoriasis (skin condition) which has affected my self esteem and confidence. I use to get bullied for my psoriasis and never had many friends from the ages 10-18. When I was ten my cousin moved in to live with with us while he attended university , he use to abuse me physically in a sexual way for a while until I made sure that I was never alone with him. I told my dad after two years and he never believed me and called me a liar. my cousin then moved country and know one else ever found out about the sexual abuse. It confused me emotionally and felt extremely unhappy. All in all my childhood from 5-18 years old was full on seeing thing like, my mum trying to kill herself, parents threating divorce and playing mind games with me, never having friends and always abused emotionally on a daily basis. I did have a bf when I was 13 that my parents didn’t know about but when they found out and they hit me and told me to end all conversation with any boys. I was never allowed to be friends with boys. All these experiences built fear within me and have resulted into being a very fearful anxious person. I never really had a great relationship with my brother, he’s a control freak but we don’t talk much anyway.At the age of 18 I started university which was two hours away from home so I lived out. My dad didn’t mind this as he new it was for university but I was expected to be back every weekend. I grew in confidence and got a bf (parents didn’t know) and life seemed great. Until I realized the guy I was dating was not right for me, so I ended it with him. He harassed me for a whole year and I felt so guilty for loving him back. I managed to get myself into a significant amount of debt through spending just to make myself feel better and feel the empty holes in my life. I decided I didn’t want to go back to home after uni so I decided to do a postgraduate course at a uni that was 7 hourse away. I loved it there, I had my freedom and was enjoying the experience of people actually liking me. I messed up a few exams due to bad health and my dad went crazy with me. And said its all my fault for failng. I had to come back home. So that’s me now, im back home doing resits for my exam in a few months but living in a awful environment. I have been applying for jobs far away that start after my exams but I keep getting rejected when interviews ?. I find it hard to focus on anything and I cant revisefor these exams with all the thoughts and pressure. If I don’t pass these exams, I wont get my degree and my dad will go mental with me. I don’t have an interest in my degree, I only did it so I could spend a year away from home. Im not allowed to see my friends or have friends. I have to live in a very negative/hostile environment. Last week my mum hit me and threatened me with a knife just because of a small comment about the shopping being expensive.This life is destroying my soul. I have NO FREEDOM in the sense that I cant walk out of my house without telling my dad and if I did he would be soo angry. Ive resulted in being a unhappy, anxious, stressed, ocd, negative and emotional person. Im so sensitive and emotional, I love helping others. Im so unhappy but don’t have enough money to move out and im in a huge amount of debt. What if I don’t get a job? What do I do then? Should I do a gap year work abroad? (don’t know if ill earn enough money on that to pay debt andpay for a living. How do I get rid of this fearful, negative and unhappy nature that’s been instilled in me? Im so scared on my dad that I don’t sleep well at night. Im constantly anxious. What if I fail my exams, how do I cope with my dad..its like a living hell.Im extremely grateful for the life I have as I know others have it worse but I want to be free and happy without causing a drama or disappointment. I want to feel happy. What do I do?I would appreciate any advice ?
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bullied, confidence, cousin, debt, depressed, divorce, liar, money, moved in, my ex, self esteem, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Musician  +, writes (9 March 2013):
I'm in therapy - also sliding scale - with different issues. It's a lot to sort out. Best of luck. I think in a few weeks, I'm a little better, but it will be an ongoing process.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 I remember feeling the same way when I was your age. I sought out therapy with a therapist who gave me a sliding scale cost per session, so that I did not pay the high price that a normal client would have to pay. That was the best decision I ever made for myself. She also introduced me to a support group, where I met other people who went through the same trauma as me (Childhood Sexual Abuse). I was in therapy for two years. That saved me.
Research therapists in your area who offer sliding scale rates. Make sure you feel comfortable with their style of therapy. If you do not feel comfortable find another therapist. It is also important to have as many sessions as possible. You will know when the time is right to stop therapy. Your therapist will also be able to recommend a support group for you. It is truly amazing how much this will help. You will also learn how to cope with your anxiety.
You are a survivor! You will survive this hardship too.
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