A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend makes me feel insecure then gets mad if I ask questions about him having his exs numbers/if he see's then ect.He confuses me cos he says such sweet things sometimes but then he says things like "if you wore make up you could look as good as other girls" if i say he should love me as I am and that it's hurtful to say that he says things like he sick of me being insecure and stupid and I'm over sensitive, I took it wrong ect. If I ask him nicely about other girls he'll say things like "here we go again you're always thinging the wrong things" I dont wear girly clothes or make up cos Im more comfortable in other clothes and more practical. He said he'd get me a dress and make up and I said i never really learnt to do make up so he said he could take take me to his ex to do it if he wanted, i thought that was pretty distastful. he randomly add girls to his net sites and when i asked to see msgs once he said ok but then deleted them, his excuse was he didnt want me to be upset but i said if it was innocent then why would i be upset, he said it was innocent blah blah and too bad i cant ever see it now. this is not even all the things, but like i said he also treats me very well most of the time apart from these things. I feel like Im just some accessory to this guy sometimes, then sometimes i feel like he loves me. he has said he could see himself being with me forever but he doesnt seem to care how i feel. he also made a comment about a girl on a show saying "oh yeh thats hot gotta see that again then rewound it and watched it again then said oh i ment the pants she wore and ment i gotta get u some" i found that to be pretty hurtful and told him and he said i was over sensitive again. I think he is making me sensitive
View related questions:
his ex, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (26 February 2013):
"I say dress up! Put on some makeup! Call some good friends of yours! Find out where the swankiest spot in your town is, then, when you're dressed to the nines and looking fantastic, say to your cheater boyfriend "I'm taking your advice. You'll never touch me again. Take your stupid ego and have fun on Facebook with your exes. We're through". He threatens to dump you?? Time to dump him. He hasn't dumped you because you are taking the abuse. Time to drop all respect for him and drop him."
^ This and then say to him when you look all sexy, "you ain't going get none of this candy!"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): Wow... the only time you should refer to this 'man' again, is when laughing with your girlfriends about why you dated him in the first place!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Stop RIGHT THERE!
Why haven't you already broken up with him?? This guy is telling you "if you wore make up you could look as good as other girls" to justify his ogling and his cheating and breaking you down!
Drop the cheater! This guy betrays you, destroys your trust, undermines your relationship, CONTINUES talking to exes and Facebook women, and then gets pissy at you for questioning his motives?
You are a doormat every day you're with him. This guy doesn't deserve to have you spoil him. He is worthless.
I say dress up! Put on some makeup! Call some good friends of yours! Find out where the swankiest spot in your town is, then, when you're dressed to the nines and looking fantastic, say to your cheater boyfriend "I'm taking your advice. You'll never touch me again. Take your stupid ego and have fun on Facebook with your exes. We're through". He threatens to dump you?? Time to dump him. He hasn't dumped you because you are taking the abuse. Time to drop all respect for him and drop him.
Then go have a blast with your friends and don't listen to a single word he says about wanting to get back with you. He has mistreated you, and he does not deserve you. Don't waste any more of your 20's on a cheating loser. Time to scrape him off of your shoe and turn the page and start a new adventure in your life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): You will always be insecure because you know the guy cannot be faithful. That is the key problem in your relationship.
Also he has done nothing to assure you if anything he has given you reaseon to doubt his loyalty and how true he is to you. Looks like you know that but struggling to let go. He is not going to change, the question is when are you going to see him for the ass he is and dump him?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): He sounds like he is frustrated. How is your sex life? Relationship is about compromise and guys often request their girlfriends put on make up or wear lingerie to spice things up sexually. I know my boyfriend asks me to do that on occasion. Is that what you think he is requesting? If that is the case I don't see why you couldn't doll up on occasion for him in the bedroom. But if this is the case, the way he is going about it is so rude. Playing these games to make you feel insecure and jealous. But it sounds like he wants you to change in a general way. And that's not you. And that's not nice of him to ask. You both need to TALK and lay on the line what your expectations are in this relationship. Remember it is all about compromise. I think you should put your emotions aside for a second and delve deeper into what he really wants from you and find out if his needs are not being met and if his needs are even within reason. I feel like he doesn't know how to express himself very well and he is trying to tell you something by taking these passive aggressive jabs at you. While I agree that a man should accept you for who you are at the same time men are visual creatures and maybe he just wants you to put a little more effort in your appearance cause he wants to feel like you still want to impress him. I know I like when my boyfriend throws on a sports jacket, a little cologne, and he likes it when I throw on a dress and some makeup and we go out on the town looking good and have fun. It adds a little variety and excitement to the routine.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys some very useful answers, at times he does make me feel loved maybe I will stand back a bit and see how he behaves from now on. I love him heaps but I need to be happy. The dressing up thing I wouldnt mind as much if he was such a jerk about but the more he say it the more he make me feel its not me he wants but the girls he compares me to (Why does he want me to look like them if its me he wants??? not nice)
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 February 2013):
 OP I have the benefit of your follow ups
He makes you feel insecure. Well… no he doesn’t MAKE you… you feel insecure based on his behavior and your interpretation of what he says and his prior actions.
Yes you should have mentioned that he cheated on his ex to be with you…. So you know he’s capable of cheating and lying. How can you trust a man who is a known liar and cheater???
I have always found that folks that get defensive when asked questions that seem innocuous to the asker, are defensive because they know they did something wrong. Why else be defensive?
He’s not saying you are his girlfriend… that means he’s leaving his options open with these other girls….
He THREATENED TO DUMP YOU IF YOU ASK HIM QUESTIONS? And you are staying with him? I’d have said “I’ll save you the effort, consider yourself dumped” and I’d have left.
When I met my husband I wore jeans most of the time… and rarely wore make up I’d gotten kind of lazy about it… and I felt bad about it… My husband prefers me in skirts/dresses with my hair nicely done and make up on. He gets that when we go out… he sees me dressed for work that way… on weekends and at home, I’m in leggings or sweats and no make up…. And he copes….. I know what he likes and always ask what he would like me to wear for a date… he has no say in my outfit when I’m out on my own or going to work…. ONLY when we go out together… and guess what, he’s learned to say “you look fine” even if he’d prefer a different outfit….
IF you want to learn to wear makeup do not go to you “boyfriend’s” ex… that’s just creepy… take yourself to a makeup counter in a department store… they will gladly teach you how to put on any make up you wish to learn…
IF you feel like an accessory or filler, you probably are. I will tell you my husband is a jerk. A total idiot… but he’s mine and I love him and I know that I’m not a pretty thing on his arm… I’m the love of his life…. Even when he’s screaming and making me sad I know this man loves and adores me and I’m his first priority… if your boy does not make you feel like the most cherished and loved woman in the world most of the time (yeah there are always times we feel bad about things) then it’s probably best to consider ending a relationship…
...............................
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (25 February 2013):
A man is supposed to make his girlfriend feel like his only fantasy, some men seem to miss this point.
...............................
A
female
reader, Makayla5893 +, writes (25 February 2013):
He sounds like a total jerk. He is putting you down about how you look but then complaining that you are insecure and sensitive? A healthy relationship is about making each other feel good. It seems like he is bringing you down because he is insecure himself. You need to decide that you deserve someone who will love you just the way you are 100% of the time. But if you want to make him feel crappy too, you could say you'll wear makeup if he starts getting working out and getting muscles! So he can 'look as good as other guys'. Beat him at his own game ;)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks both your answers are helpful regarding the clothing issue and i do think he cares but then there are the other things hewas doing though we havent been together that long so hmm i dont know lol
...............................
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (25 February 2013):
He is too immature if my boyfriend behaved like that I'd drop him like a sack of sh*t! They shouldn't be bothered if they like you enough.
...............................
A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (25 February 2013):
 You are insecure but some of the things he has done seems pretty insensitive. Firstly there's nothing wrong with keeping in contact with an ex if they ended their relationship well. They can still be good friends and you should allow them to remain friends unless there is good reason for you to suspect they are getting together. You should trust your boyfriend and respect his privacy, something which you definitely aren't doing by looking at his phone records. There is nothing wrong with him appreciating a good looking person on tv. In a good and healthy relationship there is trust and you don't trust him. If there is a good reason for your mistrust then you should reevaluate whether you should even be with him. If there is no reason for mistrust then you may very well drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend.That said, your boyfriend does sound insensitive. If he knows you are insecure then he should refrain from making comments like the one in front of the tv. If he wanted to see you dress up then he could have said it more tactfully than he did.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI suppose though i probably should have mention he cheated on his ex to be with me then hung out with her while i couldnt be around for like a month still and female friends of his offer him sex/send msgs to him saying he hot.When i question him he gets defensive and says he wont delete his friends (i didnt ask him to do that, i just asked why he didnt tell them i was his gf, i think people know but still and why he didnt tell them not to send him those msgs ect) He says he said no to sex because he is taken but it took him weeks to tell me about it.he also told an ex he missed her and said to me that if he was single and she was he would go with her again but then took it back.He has heaps of pics of girls on his phone too including his ex, is that normal? he also recently said he had more fun with exs than me and was going to dump me if i ask him anything else (he said I accuse him of things)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Hi, sorry about the way he treats you A number advise that you will dress as you wish, be comfortable with what you dress and he should accept you for what you are and not what you wear.I agree but let's be real, guys like their GF to dress up in a cerain way to please them. Once in a while indulging the request will not hurt. I also believe if you give the guy the eye candy he needs and he also notices how attractive you are , they tend to appreciate and become posessive over you.Yes is superficail but its human nature. I have been married 14 years, I still look after my figure and make sure I take pride in my dressing and makeup, which keeps my husband in his toes. I dont do this 7 days a week but weekends is definitely the time to dress up and not look like a couch patatoe.I would start paying careful attention to myself if I was you and not just to please him but also to show him that if he cant appreciate you, you can and will find someone that will. Use the negative comments to better yourself and also dont let him know its gets to you. Startbelieving in yourself and if he does not compliment you lose the baggage but dont give up on yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 February 2013):
 well i do think that he is somewhat being rather insensitive to an extent. but i also am a firm believer that sometimes it is important to spice things up every once in a while. he stays with you, so i don't doubt he really cares about you. but he also seems to have some desire to want to see you all done up once in a blue moon. i can relate to this on some level because i date women, and about 75% of the time, my girl doesn't go out of her way to wear makeup and get dressed up. and that's perfetly fine by me. but that other small percentage of when she does, gives me that "wow" effect, to the point where it just drops my jaw. it keeps things fresh and exciting. i absolutely LOVE it when she gets dressed up for me. i think this is what he is referencing. i don't think he finds you unattractive, but perhaps he's just looking for you to do something special for him on occasion. i think this is what he's trying to convey without hurting your feelings. unfortunately, it's not coming across right. but if you're not comfortable wearing makeup or dressing up, then don't do something you're uncomfortable with.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Saying something about a girl on tv is no big deal,thats just funny.Telling you to wear make-up and a dress is just him wanting to see you looking girly.
He can't be that bothered about how you dress or look as he is still with you.He likes you as you are.
I think you should surprise him,get a friend to do your make-up,wear a dress and heels,then go out for a night on the town get him to dress up too. You love him so spoil him.
...............................
|
