A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is jealousy a way of showing that you care? I'm just wondering if acting jealous is really someones way of showing you that they care about you, and your well being. My bf is not jealous at all, he doesn't mind who I am friends with, who I talk to, or what I wear...or anything really...and I wonder if that means he doesn't care about me? In my last relationship, my ex was always asking about where I was, if I was ok, if I needed a ride. He would check my fb page, my phone, and if he thought a guy friend was not acceptable he would tell me to get rid of him. My bf now does none of that, and I'm beginning to think that he doesn't care about me. I might as well cheat and he wouldn't even do anything.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 The type of actions your ex took, controlling and suspicious, are about insecurity and not about love.
Why would you punish your trusting and loving boyfriend by thinking about cheating on him? If being controlled and stalked is your idea of love, then you need some help. You have a victim of abuse's mentality, I think, if that is the case.
Look for some counseling for victims of abuse.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Gawd no Jealousy is an emotion not rooted in love or caring but rather in insecurity of the jealous partner.
A jealous man (or woman) does not love YOU... rather they love the idea of being in a relationship and the person is secondary to the feelings.... In fact, they become interchangeable.
A more mature love is one that let's you move and grow yourself which will enhance your relationship.
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A
female
reader, malvern + ♥, writes (25 March 2013):
 The fact that he is not jealous shows that you have met a confident trusting man, and that's a good thing. Jealous people are peole who are insecure and quite often have low self esteem.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Are you kidding me? You've got a lovely, secure boyfriend and you're actually comparing him to your nightmare of an ex? The reason your current boyfriend doesn't act jealous is because he trusts you and really, what else can you ask for? There is a difference between a jealous person and one who genuinely cares for you without stifling you. You're lucky to have found such a nice man, cherish what you have and stop being silly about it.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 March 2013):
It's got nothing to do with caring. It has more to do with insecurity than anything. A jealous person is afraid of being left, so they try and limit their partner's activities to reduce the likelihood of that happening.
Since most people are afraid, most people get jealous to some extent. It's self preservation, so it's not surprising.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 March 2013):
 I don't care what anyone says, a little bit of jealousy is completely healthy. Anyone who says they don't ever get jealous because they trust their partner 100% is full of shit. But it also sounds like your ex was controlling. Telling me what i can and can't wear was only okay when I was a child and my mom picked out my outfits. And no one tells me who I can and can't hang out with. Unless I'm really hanging out with someone who is very inappropriate towards me(which wouldn't happen in the first place), I will spend time with whom ever I choose.
But yes, a little bit of jealousy is healthy. But not to the point you fight. Almost sounds like you want him to treat you like your ex. Realize your ex wasn't healthy either. A healthy dose of inbetween is what you need.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): "your well being" No, jealousy is a 100% selfish emotion OP. Some people like to use that as an excuse as to why they are jealous but it's never a reason. it's actually the opposite. When you're jealous say of another's relationship, part of you wants that fail. Jealous that someone has ice cream and you'd love some you want it to fall on the floor etc.
"I might as well cheat and he wouldn't even do anything." Sounds good OP, go for it. OP your ex was jealous, possessive control freak, but you know what maybe that's your kind of guy. Maybe you don't like freedom in relationships and need a "daddy" to dominate you and your life. Maybe you just don't like the fact gives you so much space to do as you please.
It's possible he's too apathetic about you. But if you think jealousy is in any way a sign of a person caring about you you're very wrong.
Go find yourself an emotionally retarded, insecure, control freak OP, sounds more to your taste. You need a partner who will control you, make your life restricted, get rid of your friends and give you shit for breaking his rules. This guy is not your guy.
For the record OP, just because I'm not jealous doesn't mean I don't care, nor does it mean there are no boundaries. I'm furiously protective of my relationship but I don't have to protect it from my fiancée misbehaving by controlling her because I trust her. I have no reason to be jealous of anyone she talks to because they don't stand a chance, ever.
Sounds like your guy is just secure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): You have a boyfriend that trusts you and I cannot see why that bothers you. Normally to get to this stage of a relationship could take years or it could never happen. If you want role playing and feel that jealousy is the game you like to play in your intimate relationship with each other then sit him down and say honey, I like it when you are a little jealous because it makes me feel real special and it helps cement the relationship between the two of us even stronger. In other words it really makes you feel cared for. I am sure he maybe surprised or you could poke a hole in his heart by these statements. Only you really know him. Please be gentle and take the soft approach. I don't normally talk about past relationships when I want to approach problems in my existing relationship. But bye telling him that you like some jealousy and done tactfully it will make the relationship better anything to keep the sweetheart happy is very important.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): Yes, jealousy is a way of conveying care for someone, but I would call it the most narcissistic and immature way of expressing care, as it has more to do with the jealous person's insecurity rather than their actual emotions for the object of their jealousy.
Sometimes we carry over habits and associations from past relationships and they can hold us back from enjoying what we have in the present; in your case it seems you associate jealousy and controlling behavior with true affection because of your ex.
In my experience, I think the opposite is true and I think his trust in you is actually a very good and mature thing. Perhaps you're just not ready to accept that he trust you enough to go about your life with checking up on you or telling you who to be friends with.
If you don't like the way he expresses affection or you just find it dull, be an adult about it and break up with him so he can find someone who deserves his affection and trust. Cheating on him just to provoke an emotional response and feel as if you're cared for is equally narcissistic and immature and being a jealous control freak.
People can care for each other without being controlling, jealous, or manipulative. If you're willing to try other methods of affection, have a sit down with him and tell him your issues about your past. If you're not ready or you can't, let him go so you don't hurt him in your efforts to feel "cared" for.
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