A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im Falling for a Married Man,were having an affair. Ive allowed him to consider me as his girlfriend, and hes my "boyfriend"Ok, I will tell you all the informantion i think you need to know to understand what im going through, from beginning to recently.I met my boyfriend for the first time in 2001 when i was only 12 years old and he was 22 at a new years eve family party. My cousin is best friends with him "high school buddies" and all, i remember he was there with his girlfriend and she was pregnant. Well they got married and i grew up and the years passed..Im 21 now and obviously ive changed. I saw him for the first time in a long time at a party that my cousin and all his friends were having and since im old enough now, i was invited. I saw him and instantly was attracted to him, i could tell he was too but we kept our distance cause im still to him 'his best friend's little cousin" and hes still to me a "married man". The the "get togethers" kept coming, i kept going and so did he and his wife. I have an overall friendly relationship with his wife since then. But on of those nights he asked me to dance with him, and i did...and he kissed me when no one was looking...not even his wife. I went home thinking "its ok, he was kinda drunk, it means nothing" i was terrified haha. But i was curious to know what it meant , so i got his phone number and texted him and he told me, he wasnt drunk, that hes wanted to do that for a while now. Anyway weve been seeing eachother since, its been 5 months. Hes never cheated on his wife, until now with me...he says theres something about me that keeps him around. I though at first, oh hes just bored of his wife, but now its like i feel hes not, that he just wants us both. Hes wife is now pregnant about 3 to 4 months and that broke my heart, because im falling for him...he even thought about walking from his marriage to be with me, but now with the whole pregnancy thing he says its impossible. He doesnt want to set that example for his kids, and i understand. Because if that were to happen...all my family would think of me as a home wrecker, and i wouldnt blame em, but shit happens. I just hate the fact that he build up hope for me, I thought at first he was looking for a way to walk out and was afraid that i wouldnt be there when he did and be left alone, i told him that would never happen i will stick by him every step of the way, but! now hes not even thinking about that...hes wife has fucked up a few times since theyve been married and i think he has given her way too many chances, he even thinks she got pregnant to keep him around on purpose because shes noticed him differently, he says she did the same thing with the second child...shes almost always mad, they fight, he always tells her "ok if your unhappy theres the door" she leaves to work and then comes back apologizing like a bitch! they really dont love eachother the only knot holding them together its theyr history and children,and that they have a few feelings for each other left there, i think. Should i wait for him? or should i walk away leave him alone with his life, and go through an unhappy marriage but living each day as it goes, I feel if i do that some way down the line hell be unhappy and sorry he let me go, i could have made him happy like i know i do every time im with him, hes the perfect man, but hes married.He has strong feelings for me, but i know im in love with him. some times i feel like hes more into his wife than shes into him.It really hurt me recently when he told me "well shes changed the last couple of weeks (wife) shes being sweet, so i decided to give her another chance" I felt like the world came tumbling down on me.I dont want to wish him wrong, but sometimes i feel like ok "if he lets me pass by, i just hope he remembers me the rest of his life like "the woman of his dreams, that he could have had he just chose not to"weve tried to brake everything btwn us, but he says "the minute i see you with another man, im going to be bitter...cause i know im going to want to be in his place"I know he cares about me, deeply he just has a lot of responsability.. Above anything and anyone are his children, and i strongly agree with that...Id love to hear what you think about my situation.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (25 November 2009):
 You've been seeing him for 5 months, yet his wife is 3-4 months pregnant. Obviously he is not so unhappy in his marriage that he stopped having sex with his wife. And a man who is truly unhappy would not give his wife "another chance" because she's been acting sweet lately. The writing is on the wall: this man has no intention of leaving his wife and is enjoying sex with a hot young woman ten years his junior.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): please stop! he's using you! I know how you feel you think your in love and he wants you. he wants to use you. yes he will get jealous if he sees you with another guy. so what! he has a wife! for the rest of your life do you want to be his secret lover. never married always hidden away? ashamed to tell your family. what about his kids? he's obviously sleeping with you and his wife. its not like their relationship is done. please be strong. have a spine. realize you are a beautiful smart woman and lots of men would be lucky to have you.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (24 November 2009):
 Well...if you want advice as you say...STOP!
If you want some more information take a look at this thread and you will see the flip side of where you are, plus alot of heated comments etc.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-women-sleep-with-married-men.html
Basically there is no magic bullet for these situations. You got yourself into something that is wrong and you need to get out of it. Pure and simple.
Sorry I don't have a more elaborate reply for this thread but I am a bit exhausted from the last one which covered this very subject.
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A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (23 November 2009):
He is using you for sex. He will never leave his wife. You should not even allow him to call you or see you ever again. I am so so so sorry. He is a bastard and do you really want to be involved and love somebody who will someday cheat on you too if you do end up with him. He has no morals. You need to move on fast. You should learn a lesson from this and NEVER "date" a married man ever again.
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A
female
reader, sharontodd +, writes (23 November 2009):
Hi I just want to say Im married, I cheated on my husband with a married man...All they want is sex no matter what they say. And honestly would you want a man that cheated on his wife? It will happen more then likely to you to if you where with him. More than likely he is lacking sex in his relationship. Good luck on whatever happens.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): All I can say is you sound like a home wrecker, why on earth do you most single women always sleep with married men, dont you get it? they are taken you should keep your hands off. If i was you I'd keep away... I know this answer may not sound very nice but its the truth. I know people cant help who they fall for but he's married... and if he did love you, why hasn't he left his wife? It's because he loves his wife still, I doubt he will ever leave her, you're just his bit on the side I'm afraid. How could you be so selfish, he has kids for godsake, think about what damage this could do to them, find someone who is AVAILABLE!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 He's using you, and he treats his wife like crap. For goodness sake get rid of this asshole and find yourself someone decent.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 November 2009):
Oh dear, you're in trouble on this one. He's going to break your heart. He's using you and that's it. Please leave him and find someone who will care about you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 November 2009):
 Count on it, you will not love to hear what I think of your situation. You are being played like a fiddle. Cut off the sex and see how long he sticks around. "Perfect man" my big fat butt.
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