A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend messed me around so much that I ended our relationship. But now I'm in a friends with benefits relationship with him, and even though our sex is great, and we get on better then we ever did together, I feel like I'll never get over our break up or our fights when he is still there, and we still have sex regularly.Now when I say messed me around, he didn't cheat on me or treat me badly like that, but he preferred spending time with his friends in the pub more then spending anytime with me. We were meant to be putting money aside for a despoit for a flat, but he blew it all on a lads holiday just a few days after viewing a flat with me. It wasn't always like that, it started after we had been together for nearly a year, but it was a slow burner. It didn't happen over night, but then everything he did annoyed me and I think everything I did annoyed him. One night we had a massive fight in front of our friends and my friend's boyfriend had to take me home because I was so mad. We didn't actually break up, we just stopped talking and seeing each other after it. Anyway, one night, a few months later he texted me asking if I had something of his, and I did. He came over and we talked. I still fancied him, and things somehow got to be like when we were together. We kissed and then he spent the night. Almost straight afterwards he asked me if we could keep doing this, just without the labels. I was still in post sex bliss and I said yes. As I live at home with my parents, he went home the same night. Now we meet up a few times a week, and spend the night together. My birthday was a few weeks back and he got me a card and a gift, which is when I started to think that I couldn't keep pretending that it doesn't bother me that I'm sleeping with my ex. I still love him, despite all the bad stuff towards the end and we clearly make sense in the bedroom but my head is being mushed by it all and I don't believe it's best to carry on. I think my parents have noticed that it's affecting me and have told me that he isn't welcome here anymore. What do I do? I still love him, I like the sex but I can't move on if this carries on can I?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 May 2015):
 Your's is one of a Zillion submittals that we get about "FWB"... wherein ONE of the "friends" has fallen for the other "friend"..... but the other "friend" is quite content with the "benefits," only.....
Decide if you can be this guy's regular lay, indefinitely.... or do you want and insist upon more than that with your "guy friend."
He, is probably QUITE CONTENT with things as they are... because HE'S GETTING JUST WHAT HE WANTS...
Good luck....
A
male
reader, shaneblastedskyhigh +, writes (19 May 2015):
 i think he cares for you...if he brought a card,means he remember you b-day n cares for you...if you doubt it,you should talk to him. talk to him like" what if we dont have sex....just cuddle? you cool with that?" if hes cool...he changed....n if hes not...leave him....move on. there are millions of guys out there girl....there is something in you that he cant resist...remember...you are BEAUTIFUL.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): No, you will not be able to move on if you keep sleeping with him. You will not be able to put your feelings to bed, and you are just setting yourself up for much more hurt to come. What happens next? He starts to like someone else and moves on to sleeping with her. Maybe both of you for a while if he can get away with it. Then he decides to go with the new girl exclusively and you are left with your broken heart.You have just dragged out this non-breakup out for months, years maybe. Your feelings grew so now the hurt is that much more for you to deal with. It will also have the added element of you being betrayed, since he has likely left you for another and cheated in your eyes (though maybe not technically since you are not using "labels"). I think if you break up, then there is no contact anymore. Move on, or better yet, do some self improvement and work to be happy on your own. That is when you will find someone worth being with.Best of luck ending this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 May 2015):
 I think it's a mistake to keep sleeping with him (and SO do you). You think.... if you have sex and show him how much you care... HE will change his mind and WANT to be with you again, as a couple. HE doesn't.
You are holding on to the HOPE that he will change his mind. Which in a way is sweet, but it is not practical or sensible. He will USE you sexually til he find a girl he wants to DATE. And then he will DUMP you (again) except this time he doesn't even have to tell you, he can just stop contacting and having sex with you. Right now you are NOTHING to him except an occasional penis warmer.
Tell him "good luck, I can't do this any more, I'm done. I want no more sex, no more contact so I can move on" and then you BLOCK/delete him from your phone, Facebook (whatever snapchat,tindr or where/how you talk to him).
Have a GOOD cry. Spend time with family and friends.
TIME to really LET him go and LET yourself move on.
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