A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:This Question is regarding an affair i am having with a married man,no judgements please.This affair has gone on for over 10yrs,we are both in our 60's now all children are grown up and married.What i am trying to work out is does this man have any strong feeling for me or does he not.It's not all about sex we do have sex which we both enjoy,he doesnot have sex with his wife and they sleep in seperate rooms and have done so for the last 20 odd yrs and yes i do know his wife casually.Him and I share a lot together we txt everyday say good morning and nite to each other everyday with XO.he calls me almost everyday sometimes twice a day even tells me when he goes to the doctors or dentists,how his day has been so we do talk about alot of other stuff.when he is down he always calls me for a chat.he has a very high profile job and is very well known in the community.He sees me when he can and we don't always have sex sometimes it's just a cuddle and a chat.I am extreamly fond of him but the trouble is i'm uncertain of his real feelings for me. as he will never say.I know everyone says these men only use you.but somehow this feels differant but other times i'm left wondering if he is just using me or does he care at all.We have tried to end it many times but neither of us seems to be able to let go.He's told me plenty of times Thats it no more,but he always comes back.Help i just want to know what i should think,i don't discuse this with anyone that is why i have asked you aunts for your thoughts on this .thak you.
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female
reader, lady662  +, writes (18 July 2010):
you described my relationship to the last word. He tells me he loves me. Just lately his wife found that he was texting someone. He said it was a friend. She threaten to leave, but is still there. They have been together for 20 years. Me and him for about 6. He calls everyday and we prettywell know what each other is doing most of the time.I love him so much. I know I need to walk away but nethier one can seem to stay away form each other. It makes me wonder if she leaves where that leaves me.I told him if they decide to work it out that I am out of the picture. I do not know how to live my life without him. I wish you well and I know how you feel. I guess time will tell for both of us what is coming our way.
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality +, writes (13 July 2010):
You only need to read your own question to see that he does care. If he is calling you several times a day just to tell you where he is or how his day is going thats a big leap for a man. Some nites cuddling and no sex? Calls just to chat? Honey, get on your knees and worship the ground he walks because 80% of the women out there hardly get what you got. Your only problem is you have to share this guy emotionally with someone else. And this you knew going into a mistress situation. Unless you want some putz under foot 24/7, consider yourself extremely lucky and start enjoying life.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (11 July 2010):
 It's been 10 years, and now you're wondering if he cares about you? You should know by now!
I imagine he does care about you in some way, but not enough to leave his wife. You're convenient and still present without even asking for more, why should he leave?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-to-do-when-the-person-youre-attracted.html This may help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): You conveniently say No Judgement. Well being a mistress has its consequences . You just need to shut up and do the sex deed and send him back to his wife. Accept that you are only there to provide him with sex and then get on with your life. Since you have shown no morals, remorse or even guilt about your affair it speaks volumes, doesn't it? When mistresses start wanting and demanding more they start acting like wives and then they need to be kicked to the curb. Be careful you don't start nagging too. Your married man is in his element: getting his sex on the side, having a happy marriage and the pillar of the community. What a farce!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 July 2010):
I think he cares, but not enough to leave his wife; otherwise, he would have done so by now. You probably give him what his wife doesn't--it sounds like they have a bit of a rocky relationship from what you described.
Perhaps he thinks you're comfortable with everything and therefore he is and doesn't take anything any further.
So, I definitely he he cares about you, but you probably just fulfill his needs physically and emotionally that he isn't getting from his wife. I guess that could be considered "using" you, but after 10 years and what sounds like a fairly intimate relationship; he cares but maybe not enough. However, keep in mind that he keeps coming back because you allow him to.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I think that he does care about you but not in the way you want to be cared about.
He has the best of both worlds. He has you for companionship, sex, friendship and all that. His wife is the mother of his children and provides him with the social status he needs for his high profile job, the security of a family home and all that comes with extended families.
In essence he is using you for those things above, which he is not getting from his wife. But then again, you're a willing participant and you're getting something from him too, so he's not really using you.
He's happy with the way things are. He's having his needs met. And do you know why I think he won't tell you how he feels? To him, the moment he tells you how he feels will most likely mean that you will place more demands on him, more time together, leaving his wife, a public relationship. He doesn't want any of that. You may say that you don't want any of it either, but feelings are a funny thing.
Now, let me ask you a few questions. Are you genuinely happy? He might care for you and even love you, but is that enough, knowing that you're not his number 1? Don't you want a 100% from a man? Are you happy being in the background? Will you one day regret not being someone's everything? Because you're not his everything. I'm sure that you mean a lot to him but you're not all of it. That's my two cents.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Perhaps he does care, but I have the feeling that the real question you'd like to ask is whether he will move in with you. It seems he won't. I fail to see why he would stay with his wife. Has he ever told you why he's still with her?
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