A
male
age
36-40,
*irefighter
writes:Ok I have a girl friend and she broke up with me because I went to a strip club with my friends on a company trip is she over reacting we been dating for 9 months
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): No she did not overreact. For me, strip clubs are a deal breaker as well. It is hurtful and insulting for our man go out to pay another woman to take off her clothes and shake her vagina in front of his face. Would you like your girl doing that? Maybe you should have respected your relationship
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): Defo overreacted so I don't reckon this was isolated incident, there could be other things and this was the last straw for her.
I dont give a damn if my man wants to go to strip clubs, its just a thing some guys do especially when on these outings. What I think is the guys an adult and its adult entertainment.
Your g/f had other ideals, though and thats her perogative.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 July 2012):
 Everyone have a few things that is on the "deal-breaker list" maybe for her, strip clubs is one.
I'm guessing this may not the first time you have crossed a line?
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 It's a deal breaker for many women. It says you still want to play around, have no intentions on being faithful or trustworthy. It is single man behavior most women wont put up with. Keep that in mind next time you say you want to be in a commited adult relationship. You have to learn the code that you will be expected to follow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): I think chigirl said it perfectly.
I would have dumped you as well. Strip clubs are a deal breaker for me but I always let the guy know my dealbreakers BEFORE we get into a relationship so he can decide if he is willing to meet the conditions.
Flynn 24. I would have no problems at all if my partner objected me going to chipndales. I would respect that. Honestly I have no desire to go either. I have never seen men dance but 12 years ago I went to a strip club to see women dance. I have nothing against the strippers themselves (my nephew is dating a now ex-stripper. He met her during a lapdance. She is a lovely girl.), but feel that if a person is in a relationship then they should respect relationship boundaries. I always ask my partner "would you be comfortable with me dancing naked in front of other guys?" because if he is not comfortable with me doing something like that to other people then he shouldn't be having it done to him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 July 2012):
 She is over reacting for ME
She is NOT over reacting for HER
see the point? Some women find strip clubs and/or porn a big NO NO... so that it's not a negotiable activity. It was a deal breaker for her.
If you don't think it's a big deal, then you need to find a woman who also does not mind you going to strip clubs.
Add this to the list of things you need to talk about early on in a relationship...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): It's not a matter of whether she's overreacting or not, you think she is, she obviously doesn't think she is and you've seen the range of opinions here and they all differ.
Personally I think she is overreacting big time but then again I date women who share the majority of my beliefs on things and am careful in things such as these to ensure I know whether it's okay or not.
You and she are probably not compatible.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): I wonder if any of the women crying about objectification would have the same response if their boyfriend objected to them going and seeing the Chippendales guys.The women there seem to be ravenous and wild, animals... showing less respect to the guys than any guy I know is even ALLOWED to show to a female stripper.Either way... a stripper, be they male or female, are not prostitutes. Any person who would show them disrespect by acting like what they do is wrong or abusive is just as bad as someone who would treat a stripper as any less than an attractive human doing a job. There ARE rules and most times breaching them merits an arse-kicking, and rightly so... more for the female strippers than the males who are expected to put up with women of all sorts grasping and clawing at them.Yall might want to think before you judge those men and women who perform as strippers.As to the OP. You should have asked first. You were in a relationship and her opinion deserved to be taken into account. Whilst I admit, it seems a bit obsessive to break up over a single trip to a strip joint, she clearly feels very strongly and she has a right to do so.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 Did she previously tell you she wouldn't allow strip clubs? If so then she isn't over-reacting.
It doesn't really matter if she over reacts or not though. She's entitled to do what she wants, as are you. She should have told you before hand that she didn't want you to go to strip clubs though, it's not as if all women disapprove of it. How were you supposed to know? But it would have been smart on your side to ASK a girlfriend how she feels about it BEFORE you go. You could have saved yourself this argument if you had just asked her how she felt about it.
It is not unreasonable for a girl to not want her boyfriend to go to strip clubs. Then thing is that you need to have this conversation before hand. Reach a middle ground. There are many gray areas in relationships, and the line for what is acceptable and what isn't changes from relationship to relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): All you have to do is turn the situation around and think how you would feel if she visited a male strip club...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): yes, she's over reacting. but did you tell her before hand? or did she find out through another source after the fact? because if you didn't tell her and she found out, that would seem dishonest. but in general, going to a strip club is nothing to break up over, assuming you didn't lie or attempt to hide it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 For some people, going to strip clubs is totally off limits. With her you had to ask her opinion about it first but it wouldn't have mattered, a guy who thinks it's okay to go to a strip club is against her morals. I know a woman from Norway living in the US and when her mom came to visit her, they went to strip clubs together as entertainment. So it's different for every one. I myself had gone to a strip club with my ex husband, and I wouldn't have minded if my guy went to a strip club but at least he had to talk to me about it first and there has to be trust in the relationship. If a guy is against strip clubs I would not think of him as a prude either. It's a shock to you, but this sudden break up only shows you are incompatible. I wouldn't think the next girlfriend would do something so drastic like this but it would be a good idea to talk to her first before assuming all women are okay with this, but in your case you probably were never aware it would be an issue. Even women who seem okay with it are probably not. If you respect your women it's best not go unless she tells you she likes looking at women herself.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 July 2012):
 I'd dump my boyfriend in a second for visiting a strip club. It's exploitative to the women and it's disrespectful to your girlfriend. If you were at a beach with your girlfriend would you go drool over the other women in bikinis right in front of her? So why is it OK if they're more naked and closer just because you're paying to do so?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): Legit reason in my guy eyes.
Shows she has standards she's not willing to compromise, nor should she. Obviously strip clubs were deal-breaker, sentiments with which I completely agree, length of time in relationship irrelevant, the instant the two of you are no longer campatible is the instant she weeds you out and moves on. Only possible option.
If you think she's over-reacting, then confirms she made right call.
That's the whole point of dating, to get to know each other over time, and weed out the weeds whenever unearthed.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 I don't think she overreacted at all. There could be two reasons why she dumped you. She doesn't appreciate men who help in the perpetuation of female exploitation and objectification. She considers what you did to be cheating. Either way what she did sounds quite reasonable to me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 July 2012):
 She doesn't think she's overreacting. You think she is..... What would you say to your mum if she was in this position?
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