A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I've been crushing on this guy for at least 6 months now, I'm almost certain he just sees me as a friend, and I desperately wish I could get rid of my feelings for him and I know nothing will happen. But I've fell for him so hard, I feel utterly heartbroken. Have you ever been in a position where you fancy someone so much, and know that you shouldn't chase after them.. but as soon as they're around dignity goes out the window because you're just crazy about them? I think I'm an attractive girl and usually get a good amount of attention but with this guy I'm totally smitten. The guy I like is an acquaintance. He actually kissed me about 6 months ago on night out (he flirted with me for the whole of the night then french kissed me). I was a lot more drunk than he was and it was all him initiating it, as this was before I fancied him that much. He acted totally normal the next day, never flirted with me again. Anyhow we all went on another night out last night for Christmas, and I feel like I chased after him a bit. I'm not sure anyone noticed, but I just kept making sure that we didnt lose the rest of the group or his part of the group, really it was because I didnt want to lose him so I kept on top of moving between bars. I tried to keep this subtle so i dont know if he actually realised this. To my knowledge, I didnt make it obvious that I like him. Well some of our friends were leaving and we were about to as well, then I said to him, let's go back in for one more, so it was just me and him for a while, and I was drunkenly chatting to him. I also remember him telling me his celeb crush, then asking if I had a real life crush (I didnt tell him it was him). I dont have much recollection, but I can remember us standing close and making eye contact for a while, then we kissed. I have a bad feeling I said something to him like 'arent you going to kiss me then' because I felt like he was about to, but not doing it, making eye contact for ages .. so I think I may have gave him a queue, which makes me feel so desperate. I dont remember much exactly but I know we French kissed and i think he had his hand on my ass, but it hardly counts if i asked him to kiss me? (Cringe) but i dont even know if i did ask him, or I've just made that bit up, as I have a terrible memory after a few drinks. The rest of it definitely happened though lol. He can be very confident and flirty when he wants to be (as he was that night 6 months ago before we kissed, and I've seen with other girls before that time) so I know he would give me signals if he wanted me, I dont think hes shy. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me back, and I have a lot of mutual friends so I dont want to make things awkward. Does it sound like anything could happen with this guy? Guys, if a girl asked you to kiss her, would you do it if you didnt like her? Could he have done it just to be polite/not awkward? Please help.. has anyone else ever been in this position, where you make yourself feel so stupid over a crush? Is he going to think I'm a total idiot? I know it doesnt sound like the worst thing in the world but I feel soooo low about this and heartbroken and rejected. I just feel really bad on myself for chasing someone, when I've always been told that if a guy likes you, he will let you know about it. How can I get over him? And is he going to know that I like him now, or might he just think I was drunk?Right now I feel like I will never fancy anyone else and nobody else compares to him, I feel like I'm destined to be alone and heart broken :'(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2019): Well, everything that happened seems to have happened when you're intoxicated. Maybe he isn't too keen about your behavior when you drink. By now, I'm almost sure he has figured-out the fact that you like him. You don't accept and exchange a french-kiss (twice); unless you're attracted to someone. There are exceptions to this theory; because it could only be about sex. Maybe he's waiting for that invitation.
Now all your infatuation and one-sided emotion might be coming from a need for approval and validation.
The less interest he shows, the more he offends your self-esteem and feminine-pride. You like him, but reading your post gives me more of a sense that you just can't deal with the idea of his possible rejection. Your crush would pass, if only he made you feel attractive enough to be validated; and he made you feel you're pretty enough for him to be attracted to you. If you lighten-up on that aspect of it; you'll handle this so much better. Nobody has control over your self-esteem but you!
The misconception among people is that others have this innate authority to judge your appearance, your worth as a person, and what you deserve. You only allow for their opinion, constructive-criticism, and tolerate their scrutiny for the benefit of self-improvement only. You do not give them power over life and death. We need others to help mold us and help us grow. Not to create us. God already did that. You're both on equal-footing, he doesn't have all the power, my dear!
I advise you to just let the feelings pass. If he's not asking you out after he has been given the opportunity to kiss you; blame some of it on the alcohol. It seems he is avoiding any serious connection; but he's probably open to the opportunity, if you want to sleep with him. That's what I gather from how you've described your interaction and connection with this guy. He doesn't pursue anything, because I don't think you're both on the same-page. Unless you want to hookup.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2019): Yes, my first broken heart felt like this. He was gorgeous and special etc etc which he was. I was so upset for a long time, but to help me to demote him from godlike status, I remembered a time I had seen him tripping up badly. He lost all his poise and attraction at that point and I just kept playing that over and over in my mind. And imagined him picking his nose, farting etc. It all helped to reduce him back to human status. And so not as attractive. He did try to come back some months later, but this visualisation helped so much, that I was no longer interested. And anyway,he'd left me for someone else and I didn't want to be second choice.
I loved him and he left me. It feels horrible when they know you are mooning after them and they don't feel the same. But it's life. It happens to all of us. So, you chased him a bit. So what? Men have to do that kind of thing all the time and face rejection. I say, good on you for trying!
But I do agree, that if you want to achieve a bit more grace, leave excessive alcohol out of the equation.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 December 2019):
 OH, it sucks to really like someone who doesn't feel quire the same way about you!
But it happens.
1. There will be times where YOU like someone and they don't reciprocate and times where guys will like you that you have absolutely not interest in. It's not so much about rejection but chemistry.
2. I think he KNOWS you like him. You don't have to ALWAYS spell it out to someone. He knows.
3. Could he have kissed you 6 months ago if he didn't "Like you, like you", sure why not? If you were both drunk, flirty, and most important... available. (as in, right there).
4. I think IF he was interested in you, he would have acted on it AFTER having kissed you.
5 if you have any doubts though, WHY not TALK to him when you see him next time? WITHOUT the drink? It's not like you can't have a night out and not drink, right?
IF you think he held back because you were drunk, being SOBER next time you meet, might just be a better option. Because you can actually HAVE a conversation that you can remember.
My guess is this though, he find you attractive enough to kiss and flirt with, but he could have a GF or he just wanted a "little fun" and nothing further.
Don't be some dude's entertainment. JUST because you like him a lot.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (22 December 2019):
 There's nothing more romantic than unrequited love, lol. We can put these people on a pedestal and worship them forever if we wish. We never see them picking their nose, throwing up after a bad night, burping and farting. We don't know their bad habits. All we know is what we WANT to know.They're perfect. Little wonder you feel nobody else will ever compare to this god.
Given that he is quite confident, he would probably have made a proper move on you before now. He must surely realize you like him. I would, however, question his morals in kissing you when you were so much the worse for wear from drink. Does that not ring alarm bells with you? It would for me.
I have been in a similar position to this where I had a crush on someone I knew would never be more than a crush. Because I need to actually like someone before I fancy them, I started to look for weaknesses in this man and to amplify them to put me off him. It worked for me although I realize we are all different and it might not work for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2019): When I've been single I've had my fair share of guys I really fancied and that a kiss or more happened and then nothing afterwards. If he will ignore you after a kiss then I would leave it at that. You don't want to be in the position that you've slept with him and he acts like nothing has happened because that hurts so much more. So I'd forget about him. Plenty of fish in the sea.
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