A
male
age
41-50,
*_bc79
writes:Just something that I've been thinking about:My wife and I have been together for years. Like any other couple, we have boundaries and red flags in sex. Anal sex is a red flag for her.But I can't get it off of my mind! I don't want to die without trying it.Do you consider it as cheating if I hire one of those ladies who do it for money and try it with her?I'm not sure if I'm going to do this. I just think of it as a possible option.The other option is getting the idea of anal out of my mind. But how?
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male
reader, Gooses9991  +, writes (19 September 2013):
So many judgmental people. If they've never been shut down on a fantasy then they're all lucky, and shouldn't condemn those who have been.Here's what you say to your wife.You tell her you love her. Your fantasy is anal sex, you want to try it before you die, but you love her so much you're willing to give up that fantasy for her. Because you don't want to ever do anything to her that she won't enjoy.Believe those words. Never bring up anal again. And that is your best shot.It worked for me. I made my girlfriend quite the deviant just by being patient and patient. Everything was by her request. I'm a lucky man, but it was out of love she gave her ass to me, not pressure tactics.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Let's put the shoe on the other foot. What if your wife is the one who wanted anal sex? You said no....so she went out and got it from someone else? I think you would hit the roof. You pay someone remember those girls are not tested.My ex husband cheated on me. I got the house,the hummer, the children, and he has to pay me $3600 a month.... hope you really think about it before you do. Not saying that all that is good I miss my family but he paid girls,he had a girlfriend there is no amount or what I got to justify any of it.... it broke my heart.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Meh, if it's on your bucket list it doesn't count as cheating. There's a clause on it in the bucket list rules.
It may cost you hundreds of dollars (or more if your wife takes you to the cleaners) and your marriage but you only live once, right???
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (25 February 2012):
 It's not just a hole. It is about power and control, like, "a woman let me do that to her."
Anal sex has been around since ancient years, when slavery was rampant. It has always been about control and status. Even willing partners get internal bleeding and anal incontinence, when they think they are doing the right way. There are good reasons that women won't go into this kind of kink.
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male
reader, jamespike +, writes (23 February 2012):
Are you kidding me? Are you honestly saying your life won't be complete without anal? Ok ok. Bottom line YES its cheating. No it is not ok.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 Your wife has 3 holes and you've tried 2. What in the hell do you think the 3rd one will do, shoot you too the moon, toss you in the air, make your dick turn into gold? It's a hole, and it will feel just like the other 2 holes. Except, it takes more time, it's dryer so it's harder to move, most women don't like it, (including the prostitute) so your the only person having any fun. It might be tighter, if it's tighter you want, just tell your wife to grip your dick real hard, instant anus replacement.
YOU WATCH TOO MUCH PORN. ANAL SEX ISN'T LIKE THEY SHOW IN THE MOVIES. Unless you got a woman who loves you and loves anal sex, it's a bloody big disaster.
Put down the porn, you can't understand the difference between reality and fantasy. It's turned your head crazy if your thinking about risking your marriage just to stick your dick in a hole.
PS: We had a kid on Dear Cupid that stuck his dick in the hole of a tree, why not try that, it's rough and tight, it won't be cheating, your wife won't divorce you and the tree won't cry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): OMG what so much obsession about anal sex? It's where peopel poop for God's sake. When did it become the most popular orfice in which to stick a dick? Men say it feels tighter but it's damn uncomfortable if you ask me and messy and stinky and gross. There is so much prep involved otherwise your cock comes out covered in brown poo. Sexy, isn't it? Men who watch alot of porn get very obsessed with anal sex but most normal people don't go there. I'm on your wife's side. And yes it's cheating if you hire a prostitute to have anal sex with. Not only that, but there's a good chance you'll still catch VD (which is making a vicious come back these days and still kills most of its victims, ah yes penicillin doesn't work to kill the little booger) and there's always Hepatits C, also fatal, and let's not forget AIDS which can be transmitted to you, when you have sex with a prostitute. Is it really worth the risk for your health and the health of your wife? Because afterall, you hold her health in your hands just as much as your own. Don't take years off her life because you wanted to poke someone's bum. Grow up sweetie, enjoy what you have and quit letting Satin talk you into corrupting your marriage with this crap. Pardon the pun.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 February 2012):
 *Facepalm*
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Yes, of course it is cheating, daft question. It looks like you wont be going up the poop shoot unless you cheat mate. Don`t cheat on her. Respect her boundaries. There are lots of things you wont have tried before dying so think of something else to try.
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male
reader, Masterofpuppets +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Yes, it's cheating. Haha! Did you just really ask that?
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male
reader, eek +, writes (22 February 2012):
 anal sex is nothing special. Be glad of the love your wife is giving you and respect her boundaries.
NEVER cheat on your wife! When you married you make a commitment to be loyal so stop acting like a baby and honor and love her like you promised.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (22 February 2012):
No, No, there has to be a bigger life ambition than sticking your penis in another persons anus???
I have been coerced to try it but soon stopped when I realised the pain that was being inflicted. You would never do this to a woman you love. And even if she wanted you to you should wonder why. Look on DC or google the side effects if you need more reasons to put this out of your mind. Then take you wife on a holiday to antartica or seychelles or something that really would be memerable rather than a nasty uti and visit to the doc!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): OP as a person who has done it quite a few times it's actually pretty crappy, pardon the pun.
It's just another hole, it's uncomfortable, it can be painful and you have to go so slowly that it defeats the purpose.
Do you really want to risk your marriage on something that's actually pretty shit?
Seriously anal is crap and it only looks good in porn because porn actresses holes are so bust up that they can take pounding. A real woman's areshole is exceptionally delicate and just not fun to penetrate.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 February 2012):
 Seriously?
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female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (22 February 2012):
We always want what we cannot have. It's because it's unattainable that you have become consumed by the idea. Going to a prostitute is certainly cheating. I also think it's high risk and won't give you the satisfaction you think. You might end up having anal sex but you might feel guilty and grubby for ages afterwards.
So I think you should just accept that this particular sex act is going to pass you by and be happy about the good aspects of the relationship.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Are you really that naive? A 35 year old man is actually asking if having sex with a prostitute, while being married himself, is cheating!! What did you think we would say? "Oh no go ahead, its totally cool, you poor thing denied of anal sex, anyone in your place would do it!"
If a sex position means more to you than the person whom you're married to, then I feel sorry for your wife. Suggest your possible option to her and when she walks out on you, you can do whatever you want.
Fantasies are sometimes best enjoyed in the head, dont play dangerous games which could jeopardize your relationships and life for good.
And if you want anal sex that bad, get a dildo, hand it to your wife and ask her to thrust it into your ass. Anal sex is anal sex, right? Whether you do it to her or she does it to you, you'll be getting it all the same and you wont have to "die without trying it." Lets see how much you like that and then try to understand why your wife doesn't want it, respect her wishes, respect your marriage and try and put this idea out of your head.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 February 2012):
You can try a silicone butt, which costs $500. It feels like the real thing. It's willing, won't scream in pain. You can be as rough as you want without stopping. There won't be disease, divorce, and crying.
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male
reader, Myau +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Ok I tried anal and didn't like it, with a hooker as well lol as every gf said loudly NO! But I was single at the time.
The hooker looked shocked when I said "this isn't working turn around pls". Still makes me laugh.
Fantasies are always best kept fantasies in my opinion.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Would you consider it cheating if your wife wanted a sexual need met that she went somewhere else to meet?
Think about it. Envision your wife being pleasured by another man, and he's fulfilling her so much better than you are. Envision your wife's every sexual thought focusing on what HE can do for her that is so much more than you.
Are you honestly telling us that some thought about a sexual position that ends in the same kind of orgasm that you've gotten from any other means has so much power over you that you're willing to throw away your marriage just to get that 10 seconds of fantasy? You're telling me that having a certain position means more to you than a woman who has loved you enough to devote herself to both of your happiness?
Are you that weak that what you can't have is more than what you do have?
And think about it. Say you pay someone and get your anal sex itch scratched, and you brought home a disease, since anal sex is risky, even with condoms. Let's say, since of course you won't tell your wife what you did, you pass it to her. Would it be worth it then?
People get urges to do things all the time. Some of these things are illegal, like pedophilia, rape, or bestiality. Others are outside the bounds of marriage, such as anal when a spouse is completely uncomfortable with it. And it's understandable that she would be. Tell me, do your fantasies ever include YOU taking a penis sized shaft in your anus?? I'm guessing that for you, it would be better to give than receive. What if her greatest fantasy were to have sex with you while a 13-inch dildo was rammed to the hilt into your anus?
The idea is, unless you want to end your marriage over a 10 second orgasm achieved by someone's sphincter, do what many people do when inappropriate urges take hold, and that's to discipline their mind and not allow yourself to want what you can't have, that you know risks your wife and puts your marriage at risk.
Now, if you don't value your marriage, then by all means end it, move out, and have mountains of anal sex -- the best money can buy. You'll find that the having is an anticlimax that won't fulfill the price you paid for it.
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female
reader, Kirstyteenauntireland  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Let me put it to you this way. How would you feel if your wife was thinking about hiring some guy to do stuff to her. Would you be ok with it? First thing I would think is CHEATER! And I agree with the other posters. Why dont you talk to your wife about it INSTEAD of ruining your marriage???
Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Right here's a scenario - you go see a prostitute, have anal sex, hate it. Your wife guesses by your guilty behaviour or whatever, that you've cheated (which is exactly what you would have done) and kicks you out.
How would you feel? Would it honestly have been worth it?
I don't know whats triggered this obsession but I bet everyone has a sexual fantasy, few act on it though,it stays as a fantasy. You have to weigh up the cost against the act.Whats more important?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Yes if you don’t go to your wife FIRST and ASK (and GET) permission for you to do this it is CHEATING…
You are 35 are you terminally ill? Is this why you think you are dying now? Because you’ve probably got about 50 more years on this earth and that’s a long time to WANT….
Have you TALKED to you wife about this?
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female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (22 February 2012):
 HI
of course its cheating!!
Did you not explain to your wife before you married her
that this is something you want to try?
If you feel more strongly about trying anal sex with your wife than the love you both share, you will end up a lonely man. Some things are best left as a fantasy, not every woman wants or enjoys anal sex, personally I find it distasteful and crude, the anus is for letting things out not in!! but thats just my views on it.
The only two ways you will get what you want is...
1) CHEATING, which will end your marrage.
2) end your marriage, get what you want, then regret that desision for the rest of your life.
Hope this helps
Mandy
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