A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing a guy 6 years younger to me. for one year. On the pretext that he said he doesnt want a commitment, I broke it off with him, because i was very involved. I got him a job. when he asked me to held him with one. designed his tattoo, helped him meet other people for work...i think even flirted with one of my friends. said he would resent a relationship with me, but sleeping with me was fine. Getting advise on several things as well was. He wanted a lot, but to offer nothing in return. Except good sex. After the break up he asked me to meet his sister while travelling, to see her work and guide her. Which I did. He never told me his sister knew about our relationship all along. and once I found out, it was very embarrassing. And since then nonetheless he wouldn't stop texting every once a week late at night. After a months he asked me to meet him for a drink, which I did yes stupidly I went with some hope of reconciliation. Over the drink and only when I prodded did he say that he was sleeping with someone else. since a month. Calculated he jumped into bed with another right after the break up. And i was broken. that it meant nothing, absolutely nothing to him all. And I felt completely used. I also told him then he shouldn't be texting me, but the girl he is sleeping with. Just before meeting him for the drink, I had sent out invitations to a party and yes I invited him. But after what he told me at the drink. and broken with such irreverence for the relationship. and his motive me to still have me around at his convenience, because I benefitted him so immensely, I decided it was time to really move on and I disinvited him from the party. It was after all a joyous occasion for me and I didnt' want him using even a molecule of anything more of that I had to offer and enjoy that. I did, and I said that since he had moved on and I wanted to as well It was best he didn't come. Right after that he posted an article on his page, about Middle aged angry women. And I am still reeling with that insult. I never thought his fragile ego could unleash this dark snarky side to him. Articles on the web say it is the rudest thing to do, to disinvite, but I am of the opinion, when someone has used you, so much that it has only benefitted them and then when the penny drops, to gather your life and have nothing to do with them, then it is best to do what I did right?
View related questions:
flirt, move on, tattoo, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): Thank you. all of you. :) I do I know it was my fault. clearly the dopamine addiction. and an experience of how lowly stupid I could get. It is embarrassing. And i am finding it hard to forgive myself for that. I also pieced many things together to realize, he does this as a habit. Socially climbing and being with women, who can help him. I realized the second time we met, he took me to a friends house. the lady was a senior associate in a high profile firm. Out on vacation, he had the keys, he said he was her housemate. And turns out it was more than that. A colossal betrayal on his part, and even more colossal mistake on mine. And lord knows how many many more. but the little bright side, its over it is finally over. and I must look ahead to a better life, with better people.
thank you.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Hi
He didn't use you, he told you what the deal was and by continuing to see him you agreed with it. You helped him in small ways because you wanted to. More as a friend would really.
Yes you did right to un-invite him you shouldn't have invited him in the first place really.
Just forget he exists, it was sex,nothing more. You too can move on, find somebody who wants an equal relationship with you. We all live and learn
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 June 2012):
 Yes, you did the right thing for YOU. Was it using the best etiquette and best manners, no. But honestly I would give a rats ass about either of those right now.
The dude have used you for a whole year to get ahead in his life, all he gave back was sex.. Maybe that is really all he is capable off?
As for his insult? Who cares. Just stop talking to him, stop helping him or any of his relatives.\
And no offense you are a middle-aged woman.( as am I) He might have meant it as an insult, but I think you should just take it as his "rant" or vent, because I guess he figured out that he "free" ride was over.
Take the high road. Delete him from your life. End all contact.
And in the future .. if a guy says he can't commit.. Don't waste any more energy on him, if you want more then "just" sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 June 2012):
 I agree with Cindy, you knew this guy didn't want a relationship, he told you it was just about the sex, but you insisted to keep it going hoping it would turn into one...it didn't and the guy did what all guys like him do...they go off and find someone else.
I understand that you are hurt but really it is partly your own fault for making more of things than was there.
I actually think you did the right thing by booting him off your guestlist...in all honesty you should boot him out of your life entirely...but still you are clinging on, using the facebook webpage thing as an excuse to stir up more drama to keep him in your life...
he doesn't care, he only wants to use you for sex.
Take the high road...ignore him and his stupid comments and move on with your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 Not that I can blame you, but perhaps you haven't handled the situation with the best possible aplomb.
Think about it : you already knew that you did not want the same in terms of a relationship, and you already knew that he is a taker not a giver. He also might have asked you for help, but he did not ask it at gunpoint : you gave it to him of your own free will and choice.
You were already broken up when you sent out the invitations, - but only when you knew that he was sleeping with someone else and there was no hope of reconnecting, THEN you disinvited him.
How does it look like ? Yes.... angry, JEALOUS woman ( of any age ) seeking petty revenge for having been spurned.
Said that, yes, it would have taken nerves of steel and ice in your veins to be all Grace Kelly -like and gracious hostess with this guy, and maybe his new flame , at your party ; and all this effort , for what ? to make Martha Stewart happy ? so, what you did was maybe not technically correct, but certainly understandable.
...............................
|
