A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What can I do?My BF and I have been together 2 and 1/2 years. We are now seniors in high school. Our relationship has been very good but had decided to go our separate ways once we went away to college because we both know we need to meet other people and grow as individuals. Ten days ago I received a text from a guy friend (mutual friend, in our friend group) and my BF went crazy. Broke up. Said he couldn't trust me and always thinks I want to meet up with other guys. Nothing could be further than the truth. I have never cheated on him. I am very attentitive to him. I let him know I love him everday.So, we broke up but for about a week we sort of had conversations to see if we could work it out. That's when rumors started flying amongst his friends that I actually have been unfaithful and he believed all of them. They simply are not true. Period. He absolutely hates me and thinks I am absolutely the worst person in the world. This hurts so much because none of this is true.Our prom is coming up in 2 weeks and I want to try to have fun but if I go with anyone it will only seem to confirm all the rumors. It seems so unfair and I have been 100 percent faithful.1. How can I dispell all the rumors? I am a good person and hold to my morals.2. Should I go to the prom at all? with a date?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): OP here...againThanks so much for your input. I hadn't even considered these things...It has been very hurtful that he doesn't believe me and he has been actually really really mean about it...treating me like dirt and that I deserve everything I get. I have supported him through so many tough times and so its just shocking. Its just hard when you have actually been faithful and yet a person who you thought you could trust is so awful. Most of my guy friends are his friends so this makes finding a date to the prom a problem...a couple might actually consider it, but probably afraid of starting WWIII. Maybe another friend from another High school...we'll see. Just wanted to have a great end to senior year and have a fun summer with everyone. Really looking forward to college now!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): Cindycares makes and excellent point OP. Hiding yourself away will only make you seem guilty, so will avoiding other male friends. Best to just be normal.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Do no evil fear no evil. Go to the prom with whomever you want and have fun. You can't let silly rumors interfere with your enjoyment of life, and actually if you should " hide " from the prom ,THIS would sort of confirm the gossips , people would think you are ashamed to face your ex bf.
Plus, what's the big deal anyway. Now it's April, school lets out in June, and soon after that ( Sept.? ) you both are going to go to different colleges and part ways , exactly as you had already agreed and planned to do. In few months, your ex and his friends will be out of your life , they'll be history, what do you care what they think and feel about you in these few months.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 April 2012):
 You ask: "How can I dispell all the rumors?" Rumors have the pesky habit of taking on a life of their own. As well, when someone involved or affected by that rumor (your B/F, in this case) makes up his/her mind that the rumor is "true," then it's pretty much impossible to cancel that belief..... As for, "Should I go to the prom at all? with a date?".... Sure you should. Don't let the rumor-mill tamp down your potential to have a good time this night... and don't feel that YOU need to compromise (by NOT having the date and/or attending the prom).That "B/F" with whom you've had such a good relationship, over the past several years... needs to take a while to relax and understand that, if he can't/won't understand and trust you now... then he probably won't do so in the future, either...Be your own person... and consider this dilemma ONLY from YOUR point of view... Have fun... and good luck with your college studies...
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): OP you do know he's the one who started the rumours right? I mean you have hardly been seen out cuddling and fooling around with other guys so the only logical source of these rumours is your ex running around telling everyone you're a dirty cheat.
He didn't believe rumours OP, he started them. So you have nothing to prove to him at all.
You don't dispel them, you ask anyone who spreads them where they heard that from and where their proof is. Rumours are rumours OP, the more you fight against them, the more true they look. So just ignore them, it's times like these that you discover who your real friends are because they'll back you and listen to what you have to say about the rumours, everyone can feck off. And you know what? That's actually a good thing, because you really want to go to college knowing who your friends are, moving forward in your life having discovered the back-stabbers early is always a good thing.
Yes you should go to the prom and yes you should bring a date. This is your prom OP, you only get one of them. Put on that dress, make yourself even more beautiful than usual and go celebrate your entrance into life. Bring a date too, you can go with a male or female friend, someone you love and trust and someone you can look back at the photos and smile.
Your ex is the one who fucked up OP, don't punish yourself for what he did. Don't try and appease him either he has done nothing to deserve that. He has hurt you for no reason and now he's spreading rumours about you too, or in the very least is the source of those rumours. So ask one of your good guy friends to take you instead, one you can trust and one who will not be afraid to stick up for you if shit goes down. This is your one and only prom OP, do not let your ex ruin that for you. You will hate him eternally for that and you won't be too happy with yourself for giving in either.
Hold your head high because you've done nothing wrong and enjoy your night.
Talk to your mom or dad about this too OP. Tell them what's going on and how to deal with this. They will want to know and they will have some good advice for you too. They are the ones paying for your dress and prom aren't they?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): OP here..
Our decision to end it once we were in college was not a recent one. We had made this decision 6 months ago or more so I am not sure this really played into the current situation
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 He is upset that you seem to be able to move on so quickly while he could be depressed that the relationship is over. He is assuming that you never loved him that much. Attacking your character is an easy thing for him to do now than to feel that you are ready to drop him that quickly. Has your boyfriend been talking to other girls too? I think the break up happened once you made the decision to go separate ways for college. Mentally you are making the preparation. His accusing you of chatting up another guy is his last attempt of controlling a situation, finding his place in this relationship.
I understand your boyfriend's pain but still he is being very unreasonable. Unfortuantely his friends took his side. Do you have a friend who will back you up? The prom is a place to social and have fun. You shouldn't bring up your now ex boyfriend and talk about the break up at the prom. If your mind is obsessed with proving your innocence it's better you not go.
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