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He is a good husband but a womanizer!

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 May 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 27 May 2012)
A female Philippines age 51-59, anonymous writes:

about 5 years ago my husband and i had been not intimate with each other because he was busy with his married gf but the affair stopped 2 years ago. he got another young gf after that and told me three months ago she was pregnant.he is a good husband but a womanizer(he had so many affairs before) i told him to get out of the house because ican't tolerate what he did to me this time.he cried and told me he didn't want to leave me because we are his family. he said he was sorry he didnt mean to do it and hurt me. i cant stand him around the house after knowing all the details of what he did when i saw the pictures of the OW out of town trips with him and even inside our house he brought the OW when i was out of town. how can he did that to our house? to our christian marriage? the problem now is i cant stand his presence in the house even if i still love him. i know he doesnt love me anymore but i cant understand why he doesnt want to leave. the OW is staying in their ancestral house where he work 2 times a week of course they see each other 2 times a week. he doesnt want to leave but i cant stand his presence what shall i do?

View related questions: affair, christian, womaniser

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom + , writes (27 May 2012):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntI think that in the Phillipines, divorce is not permissable but annulment is. Well, get the marriage annulled. He didn't enter in to the marriage with the correct intentions. I can't see how he's a good husband - if he was a good husband he wouldn't make you feel this bad. Good luck x

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A female reader, Basschick Australia +, writes (27 May 2012):

Basschick agony auntTell him to get out. He is NOT a good husbands! Good husbands dont cheat on their wives! He doesnt want the marriage to end because it's always been his safety net so when the affairs end he'll have a safe place to land until he hooks up with the next woman he is attracted to. Why have you put up with it for so long? Please kick him to the curb he should have ever gotten married clearly he doesnt know the meaning of a christian marriage. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012):

He didn't mean to have an affair? So he just slipped and fell into her vagina?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012):

Given his affair(s), he is by definition NOT a good husband, so get it out of your head that he is because that's what keeping you from moving forward which is this inaccurate view of him. If he provides a roof over your head and puts food on your table because you don't work outside the home for example, then he's a good "parental" type of caretaker in exchange for your domestic help. But infidelity (let alone repeatedly) disqualifies one from being considered a good spouse. You can be a good roommate and good co-parent, and a terrible spouse.

your gut feelings tell the true story. You can't stand him, exactly because you know he's not a good husband at all. he has betrayed you, how can you possibly ever trust let alone commit your heart to someone who has betrayed you and is still doing it and will continue to do it? Such a person does not "have your back" at all, so they are the opposite of what your spouse should be.

what should you do? Divorce him. Stand up for Christian marriage by refusing to allow your relationship to pass for one. Waiting around for someone else to change, while complaining all the while that they're not changing, is just making yourself into the eternal victim wallowing in self-pity endlessly. Now YOU need to take personal responsibility for YOUR own life and stand up for YOUR values by refusing to participate in this anymore.

Why doesn't he leave you? Because obviously he gets some benefits from staying married to you. Or he avoids consequences by staying married to you (such as avoiding the financial consequences of divorce). It's self-serving, that's all.

It's his wrong for being a bad husband. But now it's your mistake for allowing yourself to continue being tied down to someone like this. He's made his choice that he doesn't want to be a husband to you, so why do you insist on carrying on this so-called "marriage"? the sooner you divorce him, the sooner you can move on with your life and some day (maybe even fairly soon if you start now) find a much better man to be your true life partner.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (27 May 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt You'll kindly have to explain me how is he " a good husband but a womanizer ". These are mutually exclusive definitions, one of the irrenounceable traits which qualify a good husband , and a good marriage, is being faitfhul and not going always chasing skirts.

I don't think you really have a choice here, than woman up and kick him out for good, tears or no tears. He does not love you anymore, and you still love him but can't stand his presence ( and who could blame you ).

This is really not much to go on from- he does not want to work on saving his marriage ,- and maybe you do, but , really, should you ? I don't think so, you can forgive once, you can give people a second chance, but putting up with a lifetime of betrayals, that's just like self-harming.

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A female reader, Starlights United Kingdom +, writes (27 May 2012):

Starlights agony auntIts convenient and easier for him to live with you rather than go through the long procedure of divorce;

file for divorce because this man is not got for you.

Goodluck!

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