A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy who's my friend's brother. He is a lot older than me and when we started seeing each other i said i wasnt interested because he had a girlfriend but he reassured me they werent together he told me he really liked me and he thought i would sort his life out so after two weeks i slept with him at first i said no because i didnt want to get hurt and he said he would never hurt me and wouldnt get back with his ex. The following day when he left he said he would text me but never did i text him but no reply and he's now told his sister he thinks i'm too young and too close to the family. He has also been going to his ex girlfriends house.. Is it something i did or what i dont know how to deal with this sittuation because i did get stong feelings towards him and im now emotionally attached to him ihavent seen him since and i wouldn't know what to do when i do see him? do i say something or not??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, too solid for you  +, writes (5 September 2012):
Well your story is sort of like mine. In the beginning my ex who I am still trying to get over told me he didn't have a girlfriend when we first together I was very upset when I kept seeing him with this girl who he said was just a "friend". Every single time I would ask him about her he would say "Be cool, she's just my friend". However she wasn't and I found out later on down the line when him and I were in a relationship that she was more than just his "friend" and she left him because I came along. This guy however just basically used you like a piece of meat. And if he didn't want to be more than friends, then he should have let you know instead of leading you on and making you feel like a fool. Take it as a lesson learned, and give him a piece of your mind, let him know that what he did was wrong and that he hurt you. Make sure he doesn't do it ever again and move on he is not worth it. He is not a man yet, he has lot of growing up to do.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 September 2012):
 Here's what you say to him:
"Congratulations, ASSHOLE!!!! You got to bed me because I was too darn young and naive to see just what you were doing..... Thank you, for showing me just how flagrantly you guys can be jerks, looking to take advantage of a young girl. NOW, I can be sure to be on the lookout for ASSHOLES like you, in the future... That said, I really hope that I never get the "opportunity" to see or hear from you again... And did I fail to close this properly.... ASSHOLE????"
I think he'll get the message.... (but, being a guy, he won't understand it!!!!)
Good luck. There are much nicer guys "out there".... and I hope you find one....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 September 2012):
 He lied to get you in bed. I would honestly stay far far away from him. And next time don't jump into bed with a guy only after two weeks, make sure you two are on the same page.. you can't know that after only 2 week.
Chin up.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 September 2012):
 You havent done anything wrong, you just were used for sex by an older man who (most likely) never split up with his girlfriend and was seeing you behind her back.
All you have done wrong is lacked judgement and picked a nasty guy to spend your time with - learn your lesson and move on.
Men say stuff (and some women too) to get someone they find attractive into bed. This older man fed you all the lines you wanted to hear (I'll never go back to my ex, I really like you, I'll never hurt you....etc) to get you into bed, he then suceeded in getting you into bed, told you he would call (the classic lie) and then never did. You are younger than him, he obviously found you attractive - you were never a serious relationship, all you ever could be to him is something to brag to his friends about how he got a gorgeous young girl into bed.
Its not your fault that he is a nasty person who doesnt care about women, its not your fault that he only thinks with his d**k and will say whatever he can to get a woman to have sex with him. But it is your fault that you LET him do this to you, as soon as you knew that he was still with his girlfriend you should have known he cannot be trusted and he is not the kind of guy you want to spend time with.
Dont buy lies so easily, just because a man says he isnt with his girlfriend (when you thought previously he had a girlfriend) doesnt mean he is telling the truth. Chances are he is lying so he can have 2 women on the go, rather than being stuck at home with 1.
Lessons like this can be a good thing, I know it hurts but you will never trust a man so easily when you thought he had a girlfriend. If there is any sign of another woman around a man you like, run a mile and never look back. If you do see him again, dont say anything, simply ignore him. He is not worth wasting your time on, he is a jerk and you have had a lucky escape, so dont bother about what to say, it will only end up making you look bad - the angry woman who was used for sex is not a good look for anyone!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): "he thought i would sort his life out" Oh jesus OP that's possibly the worst reason in the world to ever get with someone and is a huge red flag. You're not a doctor, counsellor or therapist, for the future if a guy says something like that to you, run as far away as possible because it means they're bad news.
I hate to say it OP but you got used. He has been close to his ex the whole time, he doesn't think you're old enough to be with him but he slept with you anyway, he's also making excuses and looking for an out, and by saying you're too close to the family that very much means he's not interested but looking for an excuse so he doesn't look bad. He lied to you and used you, sorry to say that but it's clear.
You see OP as I originally said when a guy says you will sort his life out then he's no way ready for a relationship because you're not his hero and you damn well don't want a broken man you have to fix you want the complete article, a man with a good life who's happy.
If I were you I'd pretty pissed off because he used you and now he's ignoring you. If that were me I'd tell him to go fuck himself next time I see him and I would not let him play the innocent card. OP a guy doesn't just suddenly realize you're too young after having sex, he would have known that from the start but he decided he didn't want to have been with you for nothing and got sex off you as his prize.
Say whatever you want to him but stay the hell away from him, he's bad news, he's still too close to his ex, he's a lying douche who used every trick in the book to bed you and now he's ignoring you, using the age thing and the too close to the family thing as excuses to dump you, to cover his own ass for boning his sisters friend with no intention of being with her so he doesn't piss her off and that way if you complain about it he's covered.
How do I know all this? Because I've been him OP, I've never been that pathetic as to tell a woman she can sort my life out for me but I have dated girls much younger than me and then dumped them using the age excuse, not a nice to thing to do, I'm not proud of it but it worked like a charm and i got away with it because being much older than them it's an excuse I knew would work.
I really advise you to stay away from him and learn some lessons from this. First off stay away from guys who think you can sort their lives out, only a complete asshole thinks like that. Also you need to wait a little longer before you sleep with a guy OP, we're all liars until we prove to you that we can be trusted, you just believed what this guy told you without making him prove himself trustworthy first and now you've gotten burned.
Good luck OP, chalk this one down as a lesson on how assholes act ad what they say to bed you and don't ever believe a guy who says that crap again. We guys don't ever need to say we won't hurt you, we need to to show you that's the case or be honest and say it's always a possibility.
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