A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi ladies and gents, i need a little help with my gfs/fiances problem friend.before i came onto the scene, they where dating and she gave him a little tail once in a while (from what i gather). but they never became bf/gf because he was too creepyrecently hes asked for nudey pics of her and has been rather pervy asking to lick her out etc, she ignored him the first time he did this a couple of months ago (she didnt tell him why, even though she told me she did, he kept texting her "are you upset with me" everyday)hes texted her everyday, then at xmas he stopped. I thought thank god. last night they started talking again ( i dont mind them talking n being friends) but again hes asked for nudey pics and my gf hasnt said no to him directly just asked him "what for" which makes me think that she either dosent know how to deal whith his behaviour or the just might be a small chance that somethings going onshe changed the topic and started talking about something else with him, we where at a planning meeting with a group last night, so i didnt know untill today, but whilst we where there shes asked him to be her entertainment and he started slating me, she was being evasive with replies to him. she told me about him asking for nudey pics after the meeting, but thats all she told me n i asked why she stopped ignoring him from the last time, she said the she fergot but hadnt forgiven, she said she didnt really want to talk to him but she hates planning meetings and wanted someone to chat to.i confronted her about it this morning, she promises to show me everythung tonight n shes not seen me so blue(down) before. she said that because i felt that upset by it she will block him and stop talking to him. i told her that he lacks respect for our relationship and he will carry on unless she is direct with himi feel that she will, but i dont think she has the heart or corage to upset him and be straight with him n tell him why.should i leave her to sort it out and face him bugging her for weeks again and wash rinse repeat? or do i write a friendly note to him basically saying back off, youve overstepped the line. what is the best way forward? shes told me most of the stuff off her own accord and iv never probed further, this time im more concerned :/mr never rustled my jimmies before now
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): I dont' know if I would feel flattered to be referenced as Tail from a man who claims to love me. Just saying.As a woman that excercises fidelity- I would terminate the 'relationship' if it proved that my Ex was unable to aid me in being faithful. If my Ex still had a romantic interest in me; he is untrustworthy and threat to my relationship.Also, I would expect my Boyfriend to have the courage to bring such thoughts and feelings to me so we could work together to come up with a solution. This is how couples should act.The Ex- abusive controlling personality to keep at their target to wear them down. She seems co dependant for his attention, even if its just sexual and not about love and cherishing her as a beautiful woman. Opposite in fact.In all honesty, I say have some self love and respect and raise your standards of the women you date. The honest, loving, worthwhile ones would not entertain such a pig and would be content with your love and affection.Peace!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 January 2013):
 *giggles at Cindy's answer*
I agree wholeheartedly with her advice. I'm sorry your GF is keeping him around, NOT because he is a DEAR friend, but because he is stoking her ego and she is enjoying the FIRE out of it. And I'm sorry to say she kind of treat you like you are some kind of dunce.
If this is a girl you REALLY want to be with and fight for, this is what I would do. I would sit her down and tell her, THIS is how it makes me feel, and ask her how she would feel if you had some NSA or One-night stand texting you for dick-shots? Would she think that was OK? And then I would give her a choice, not an ultimatum. Does she want to be with you or does she want her ex-F-buddy as a "friend". If she chooses door #1 she needs to tell him (text/call who cares) that she can't be talking to him in this or other manners any more. And then she needs to block his number.
YOU on the other hand have to realize that you can not "steal" another person. But you can allow your GF to disrespect the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (10 January 2013):
 Dude be a man, mark your territory, what I would do, tell her by keeping talking to this guy she's leading him to thinking he has a chance. I'd tell her to stop completely out of respect for you and your relationship, If she refuses then bin her. Secondly tell this guy to back off or else. Show him who's boss, your gf will probably like it too. Personally I would kicked his ass as soon as I found out.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2013):
 YOU say nothing to him.
what you need to do is leave her.
she has to make a choice you or him.
this is not about him but rather it's about her not cutting him off and allowing him to do this.
it strokes her ego.
she's too emotionally needy to be honest and that's why she allows him to do this.
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A
male
reader, Smart_Idiot +, writes (10 January 2013):
I agree with CindyCares 200%
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 "i dont mind them talking n being friend"
There's your problem right there. This guy is clearly not interested in being friends.
In your shoes I would ask her to cut off all contact with the guy. Extreme perhaps, but he's not going to get the message any other way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): I don't think the problem is him necessarily, I think it's her. She is the one that is not being clear. I mean who really tells a man that's interested in her sexually that he is her entertainment for the night? It sends the wrong message and is wrong for anyone in a relationship to say. To me she's the one crossing the line because she isn't being clear. She's playing games; probably likes the attention despite what she says.. Besides you DON'T give anyone "action" if you find them to be creepy! Just my opinion, granted it could have been a mistake, but why lead him on? She needs to be clear and set boundaries with him. That means not saying anything that he could mistake as a come- on. Part of it could be that he doesn't respect WHAT she says due to how she acts or what's being said. It may best if she does drop him. I don't understand if you find someone creepy, WHY keep them in the picture especially when they cross lines when the person is in a relationship. Talk to her about you wanting to tell him to back off; if she says no I would be weary and explain to her that if she fails to set proper boundaries with this man, then you feel like there is no room for a proper friendship between the two of them. Tell her its getting in the way of your relationship and it is not fair to you. Watch her reactions. If she acts hesitant, then be aware that she is most likely the one initiating it, even if its not her intention. You can't test a man that acts that way, you simply have to never leave any room for anything sexual to be said.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 January 2013):
 She is being shockingly disloyal to you and profaning you and your relationship with her, even if she's not currently having sex with him. Here's why:
1. Any person who she's had sex with in the past or has had feelings for or vice versa is automatically disqualified from ever being "just friends" if she's with someone else. Exes are never to be friends. Period. End of story. They do not fall under the old "I can have male friends" excuse. Friends are limited to those who are platonic, have always been platonic and will always be platonic. Those are rare.
2. She's making you out to be the fool. Another man asks for nude pictures of her, and she's not telling him to get the hell out of her life forever? Sorry, but there's only one response to something so disgusting, and that's to shut him out fast. SHE hasn't done this. Your issue isn't primarily with him, so to direct your anger towards him is misdirected. Your anger should be with her and her failure to conduct herself as a woman in a monogamous, exclusive relationship with you should when it comes to crass sexual overtures by other men, even past exes.
3. You said that he started "slating" you? Does that mean that he was criticizing you and putting you down? This speaks directly to how she feels about you. She's allowing an ex to slander you, and it's not rising anger in her. I'll tell you this, if a friend of mine ever started criticizing or putting down my husband, I would take great issue with it, and my answers would be about as evasive as a freight train coming at her at 200kph. She would *know* that I was royally pissed off and wouldn't accept another unkind word about him.
4. She waited until you confronted her. She hasn't avoided him. She hasn't told you "I can't get rid of this guy! He's scaring me! He's making me feel uncomfortable", which would have happened after the first conversation where he was wanting to lick her. Clearly, she's intoxicated by his attention because it strokes her ego to be wanted. She's trying to get as close to the line as she can while still saying she's not actually cheating, playing the harrassed victim while enjoying his desire for her.
Your issue is with her 100%. You need to tell her that he is out of her life forever, and that she needs to get rid of him and treat him like he's dead to her, or you're gone and it's over. You don't play games. And you have to be prepared to follow through with this if she keeps Mickey Mousing with this guy, because she is being disloyal and having an emotional affair with him, which in my opinion is cheating on you and making you look like a fool.
She gets rid of him, or you get rid of her. No half measures. In this case, you need the ultimatum, and you need to be prepared to give that ultimatum teeth, or she will continue to have no respect for you because you are a doormat if you let her keep getting away with this, and doormats don't deserve respect.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 Sorry, but your gf is either playing dumb, or ..she IS dumb.
How in the world can she figure that is ok to stay " friends " with an ex who asks for nude pics and tell her he wants to lick her out ? That 's not friendship !, that's sexual harassment if she does not like this kind of attention, and heavy flirting behind your back, or more, if she does !
Did not she figure out by herself that she needs to block him and cut contacts with him ? Out of respect for you , and because , in any case, whatever this guy wants from her is surely not friendship ? Friends to not hit on each other with heavy sexual innuendos !
She does not have the heart or courage to disappoint him... but she has the heart and courage to disrespect you, apparently.
He askes for her nude pics, and Miss Coy answers " what for " ? Oh gimme a break, now you are going to tell me that she had the doubt he might need them for an artistic photo exhibition he is organizing at MoMa.
I am not one for ultimatums generally, but, wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she is really a babe in arms- I'd give her 48 hours to wake up, grow up and BLOCK the guy . By herself, without any assistence from her knight in shining arnour ( you ). As any decent adult would do.
If she does not, either she is not decent, or she is not an adult, - ergo you don't need her as a gf and you can ditch her without regrets.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 Sorry but this is NOT your problem. Your gf must draw the line between herself and this guy. Sounds like she is encouraging him, this is the reason why he wont go away.Why has she not blocked his number on her mobile? Why does she keep chatting to him? Lots of red flags here.I suspect your gf is not being entirely honest with you.
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