A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my now ex-boyfriend just broke up because of me not being in love with him anymore. Although we're broken up, he's telling me to have sex with him so we can both loose our virginities and then he'll move on. He says if we do have sex, he'll move on for sure. He tells me that I at least owe him that since a bunch of girls have been after him for sex but he hadn't cheated on me because he was saving his virginity for me. I don't know what to tell him. Part of me wants to because of our history together but the other doesn't because I started talking to this other guy who I really like. Can anyone help?
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broke up, cheated on me, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): Just say NO !!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2011): Tell him he is now free to have sex with the other girls and bye bye.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): Wow! Don't give it to him. I know why he's doing it. He doesn't want to go into another relationship being a virgin so he wants to get it over and done with. He's using you. Say NO.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): Don't give it to him! NO WAY!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 November 2011):
 YOU don't know what to tell him? My first reaction is to tell him to "EFF OFF"
YOU OWE HIM NOTHING.
Tell him that you are perfectly ok with him losing his virginity to all these other girls that want him.... NBD in my opinion.
Personally I think he's making those girls UP to make you jealous... IGNORE IT.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 November 2011):
 You don't owe his squat.
You need to find some one YOU want to loose your virginity too, for the right reasons, not because the dude demands it. How ridiculious!
Honestly, honey, I would laugh it off. Tell him it's not going to happen. You just aren't interested in him. If he thinks he is THAT hot that girls chase him, it shouldn't be to hard for him to find someone who will have sex with him
I will repeat, YOU DO NOT OWE him a darn thing.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (7 November 2011):
 You should hit him for even asking! (I'd do it)
You are not dating him, and you owe him nothing. Keep your virginity and save it for someone who doesn't have to guilt trip you.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (7 November 2011):
Welcome to a new world of post-puberty where boys will do many things, including lie, to have sex with you.
A good combination of common sense and eventual experience will help you weed out the guys worth your time and the guys who aren't.
This guy sounds a bit, and by a bit, I mean a lot of a douchebag.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 November 2011):
 I'm willing to bet this guy also uses the "blue balls" line on females. Don't sucker for it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 Don't do it. He just wants to get laid because he is a selfish self concerned perv. He just wants sex, and you owe him nada. Tell him that since he has so many other girls willing to spread their legs for him you aren't holding him back any longer. So he is free to do what he really wants: go spread his oats. Wish him good luck and to wear a condom.
Then have sex with whomever you like whenever YOU like. It's your body. You owe him nothing, he's just trying to get laid and is using every trick in the book, including trying to guilt you into it.
He was a volunteer in a relationship, he was free to leave whenever he wanted, you didn't force him to stay in any way, nor did you force him to wait for you to have sex. If he didn't want to, he could have walked out. He chose to stay out of his own free will, and you owe him nothing.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 November 2011):
When I read the title I actually burst out laughing from the ridiculousness of it all. Honey, if you are seriously considering this you are insulting your own intelligence.
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female
reader, goldie22 +, writes (7 November 2011):
Dont do it hunny. Save your virginity for someone you love, i wish i had.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 If you have to think, even just for a second to question yourself, you know the answer is 'no'.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): boys tend to often want to loose their virginity in order to feel more like a "man" whereas girls are often more careful and want to keep their virgnity in order to feel more valued, even to themselves. So an "exchange" or mutual "trading up" of virginities is never going to be equal in the way that he is implying it to be.
They guy in question sounds horrible. It doesn't matter what history you had with him - taking your virginity just so that he can feel that he "got what he deserved" is a truly awful way to become a sexual being. it is completely sexist at heart and sounds like the beginnings of yet another male failing totally to understand how a female feels about it all.
Tell him to go an loose his virginity to a rubber doll.
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A
female
reader, jenniferwitton +, writes (7 November 2011):
I agree with the rest. Don't do it. Come on, you're better than this. I'm sure you're smarter than to give away your virginity just like that. Don't do it.
He has no right to pressure you like that. You said it yourself that you don't have any feelings for him anymore. So what other doubt do you have? Like the others said, it's a no brainer. You SHOULDN'T feel obliged to lose your virginity to him.
Be firm. Tell him, "I'm sorry but the fact that I don't love you anymore means that I don't want to lose my virginity to you. I know you waited for me before, but that was when we were in a relationship. Now we're not, so you don't have that hold over me. I know I've hurt you, and I'm sorry but I still have my self respect. Please respect me and my decision." Or something along that line. Good luck and please do the right thing.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 November 2011):
 No no no no no. Dont do it.
Losing your virginity should be to someone you love, simple as that. If your ex is really so desperate for sex the he can go to these other girls that are chasing him.
There really is not a lot more to say than that - I can promise you this, if you lose your virginity to someone you dont love you will regret it for the rest of your life. Save your virginity for someone special so that it is an experience to remember rather than one to forget.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 November 2011):
 Did you honestly think you'd come here and some people would anshwer: 'well he did wait for you, so you better go have sex with him!'
No, this is silly, you've already told us you don't like him anymore so why would you have sex?
Sounds to me like he's lying about the other girls and he just wants to lose his virginity to another virgin.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (7 November 2011):
Hi there. If you weren't in love with him then, having sex with him for the sole purpose of losing your virginity to him really serves no purpose at all, does it?
You have no feelings for him, for goodness sake! Why waste it on someone you really don't particularly care about anymore?
Don't go there!
If you did, I promise you you'll certainly regret it almost immediately.
Why don't you save yourself for this other young man who you DO actually have feelings for?
However in saying that, don't be in any hurry to lose it to him either. Not unless, you are really sure that you do actually like the guy, and he treats you with respect and dignity. There's no hurry to lose your virginity, just for the sake of losing it.
You need to make sure you actually can trust the guy first and that you feel you do love and like him. Let him woo you a bit and take you places and spend some money on you. Also, make sure he's genuine.
You also need to feel that you are emotionally ready to take that big step. And it is a big step.
And just for the record, don't come straight out and say you're a virgin. You don't want him to think of it as a challenge. You do want him to genuinely like and love you and respect you completely, for who you are. And you also, want him to be interested in you as a person - not just an object of sex.
There's more to life than just sex.
Don't rush into this.
Forget about the history with this first guy. You don't really love him anyway, do you? So why do it?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 ... Are you sure that you really need help with that , because this is really a no-brainer.
Tell him heck no . You don't owe anything to anybody, in sexual matters. You did not "make " him wait- he CHOSE to wait, and if his choices did not give him the benefits he expected from it, too bad, that's life, you win some , you lose some.
But, it's obvious that the poor guy would say the lamest things to get laid, so let's not blame him too much , and most of all let's not worry about what would be best for him.
Think what's best for YOU.
I think for you it is best to move on, and maybe see what happens with the new guy .
I am no paladin of virginity at all costs. Not at all . But it's always a bad idea to waste your virginity on a once off with someone you don't particularly like ( or like anymore , in your case ). Any first is always an awkward and tense time, you can turn this around and make it a meaningful, truly enjoyable experience if you wait until you are in a relationship, and with someone you really want to be with.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 November 2011):
 If I had a nickel for every woman that I told "owed" me a sexual session (or, their virginity), because I: 1. Took them to dinner, 2. Washed their car, 3. Repaired an appliance, or, 4. mowed their lawn...... I'd be a VERY well-to-do man.
Unfortunately, all but just a couple told me to take a hike... and they paid me with cash!!!!!
Give him a few bucks and tell him to be on his way....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): leave him.dont give what he is asking for..thats insane why should you give ur virginity to a guy you dont love and not going to be with?and youre talkiing as though he wont have sex with anyone else if you didnt !he could get many girls after you...thats bullshit..relationship is not all about sex either..
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