A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has his own business and I hate my job. He also wants to travel a few months of the year so I am trying to find something flexible that will allow for this to happen.Lately i have been helping him with research for his business and told him that I was really interested in that side of things. Tonight his sister was over and I was coming downstairs and over heard them whispering about him meeting with her friend to employ her for a research job in his company.I confronted him and said why didnt i know about this (we live together) and why didnt he think of me for that.His response was that he thought the job wouldnt be suited to me...etc etc and that I shouldnt be so "bloody ridiculous". I now feel like I am totally not good enough and that he thinks I am stupid or something and feel really hurt because I wanted something like this so so bad so we can do the things we wanted to do together.All in all really upset and the fact his sister and he were whispering about it makes me feel totally left out and sick :(Any advice would be great. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 November 2011):
I think that it's more likely that he's worried this would have a downward effect on your relationship.
I'm sure that he appreciates all the work you've done, and I'm sure on no way he thinks you're stupid. He wouldn't be with you if you were stupid.
What I think, is that he knows this will change your relationship and he's worried as to how it'll turn out. You would go from being his partner and equal to someone who he might have to shout at if you get something wrong. That would create real strain in your relationship. You really don't want to have to take home to work and work to home.
Though it would have been better for him to be open and not whisper, I think he's ensuring that your relationship is protected.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 November 2011):
 Ok he was wrong to be whispering about it like that, he shouldnt be so sneaky and childish about it.
But....it is his business, therefore his decision who he hires for this role. If he feels you are not suited then fair enough, he will have his reasons so you have to respect that.
I personally would NEVER mix business with pleasure - having your partner as an employee tends to be a nightmare. If you live together then working together as well would be too much, it would put too much pressure on the relationship and you would never have any space which is a guaranteed way to make a relationship fail.
I think you should sit down and talk to him (without his sister present) and explain that he has hurt you over this issue. Tell him you understand that it is his business and if he doesnt think you are right for the job then that is fine, but you would prefer in future if he is upfront and honest with you rather than being so secretive and talking behind your back. My thoughts are that if he was being so secretive then he must have known you would be upset about it so he was trying to hide it from you for as long as possible. Yes that is wrong but you can understand his reasons.
As for your own job - stop relying on your boyfriend to fix your problems. If you are unhappy at work then do something about it yourself, dont wait for another job to fall into your lap. Maybe think about going freelance in whatever profession you do - that way you can work from home and you could travel more if you wanted. Go into consultancy...something like that. Maybe speak to a careers or business advisor and talk to them about what you want and they may be able to help you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 I think he told you the truth , righ or wrong that he may be, he thinks you are not suited to this particular kind of job.
He did not reject you as a person. He does not think you are dumb or worthless ( if he did, I doubt he'd be with you ). He just thinks that you may not have the experience/qualifications / temperament which are best for this job.
The point to set up a business is to make the business profitable ans successful, not to make it convenient for your partner to do stuff together . If he were a surgeon , would you insist for following him at the hospital and pass him his lancets when he operates ?
He was wrong for being secretive and not upfront about this issue, I guess he knew very well how you were going to take it - and wanted to postpone as much as possible the emotional fall out.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 First and foremost: This is real life. Having a romantic interest (partner) join you in your business is HIGH RISK... for BOTH the business AND the romantic partnership. He may just be displaying a level head about this aspect of the matter....
As well..... not EVERYTHING going on in this world is centered on YOU!!! Your B/F may be looking at a candidate for the job who has exquisite qualifications.... and, beyond YOUR opinion, this other person may be the best one available to do the job....
Look at YOUR business (career) life in YOUR milieu, and leave your B/F's business out of the picture .....
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