A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does a guy I see once a week have any right asking questions about where I go and what I do? ive been seeing someone for a year and it turned very serious very quickly. He moved in within four months but it turned sour pretty quick.I chucked him out when he started staying out all weekend switching off his phone. We made up but he only wants to see me once a week for fun and thats it. Im fine with that but whenever I go out he drmands to know everything, he gets jealous of everybody talking to me, he has spent three straight days calling me a whore when I haven't done anything. Hes inboxed my male friends on facebook saying he will beat them up just because they liked a picture! Is this my own fault for not telling him everything anymore? I dont pry into his life, i dont really care what he gets up to anymore. I dont see other guys and never would. But do you think I should have to tell him everything about my life when now hes a friend with benefits i guess.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (29 October 2013):
 The name calling and threatening your other friends is grounds to kick him to the curb. So do it. In fact don't say anything to him at all. Just don't respond to him again and let him figure it out.
For future reference, a FWB is a FRIEND with occasional benefits. If you engage in sexual activity or flirty chats every time you get together or talk on the phone or online, then what you are is a hook up and nothing more.
Think of the friends you've had with whom you haven't had sex, nor even discussed the possibility (male or female). What sorts of things do you do with them? How often do you get together? What do you talk about? Can you confide in them during difficult times? Are you expected to account for your whereabouts when not together? Are you obliged to describe the nature of all of your other friendships for that person? Don't tell me, I mean ask yourself. Picture what your other friendships look like, then compare that to what you have with your FWB.
Since sex is often clouded by emotions and expectations, try this exercise the next time you're considering a sexual arrangement with a man. Substitute sexual terms with financial ones and replay your conversations. What would you think of a guy who wanted access to your bank account but didn't want to be your boyfriend because he needed 'his space' or wanted to 'take things slow'? What conclusion would you draw about his motives?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I'm with all of them
he called you a WHORE...that alone is a deal breaker.
he has no right to anything
I'd not only dump him, I'd go NO CONTACT and I'd be prepared to call the police and get a restraining order if he escalates his behavior once you cut him off.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 October 2013):
 LISTEN to the aunties, they are right.
HE is no good, not for you, not at all.
I understand that you like a roll in the hay, but why put up with the abuse and the trying to control you?
End it, let him go. FIND a guy for you, go slow.
Block him off your FaceBook and tell your friends they can do that too, so they won't have to deal with him.
You asked: " Is this my own fault for not telling him everything anymore? "
No, it's not because you don't tell him everything, BUT it IS YOUR fault because you KEEP him in your life, the man is toxic.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 It is your fault for tolerating abusive treatment in change of a weekly sexual encounter.He must be reaaaallly good in the sack for you putting up with all this.
He calls you a whore for 3 days straight and you...? ... Stay around to take some more insults ?...
He threatens your friend in written ( he is lucky that they did not press charges against him ) , and that's not enough to turn you off ?
Be smart and call it quits. If you want a man there are other men, if you want an FWB there are other possible FWBs, without having to setlle for an abusive aggressive overbearing one.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 October 2013):
 After he called you a whore then went on to threaten your friends, the lights should have pinged on in your brain to tell you that it's over.
You deserve more than this! This is not a normal relationship or even FWB. He's abusive and controlling. Remove him from Facebook, tell your friends and family to do the same. Leave him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): He's called you a whore - why would you still see this man let alone sleep with him?
Stop meeting up with him and move on.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 October 2013):
 hell no, you don't owe this guy anything. you aren't in an actual relationship anymore. you are just f*ck buddies, which means you have every right to do whatever you want without having to explain yourself. he is WAY out of line inboxing your male friends on facebook. he is clearly very controlling and possessive and he has absolutely no right crossing that boundary
if i had to guess, this also probably had a lot to do with why you two had issues in your relationship when you were together; his controlling behaviors.
so to answer your question, no this is NOT your fault at all! if i were you, i would tell him that he needs to knock his behavior off immediately. and if he ever messages your friends again, whatever relationship you two do have together will be over. end of story.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Actually, I'd call him an abuser with benefits. You get one day of fun (I'm guess it's actually more like an hour of "fun" with you doing most of the work) and then 6 days of controlling nastiness.
What's up with you that you would tolerate this? Do you feel threatened? Are you scared of him? Are you afraid to break it off?
He obviously thinks you owe him explanations and are supposed to account to him, while the reverse in which he owes you explanations and accounts to you is a no-go.
My vote is DUMP HIM.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 October 2013):
 This guy is just BAD NEWS. What benefits are there? He is a control freak and verbally abuses you. This relationship needs to end. Friends with benefits is supposed to be fun for both of you, not just him. Calling you a whore, threatening your friends and prying into your private life? NOT OK at all. This guy could escalate too, putting you in danger. Your best bet is to make a clean break.
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