A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:FWB I don't really like this game because what if the other person start to have feelings? To me it seems to be basically about money.Where does one draw the line and say this is not what I want?I really think FWB is a trade off for free sex. I could be wrong but to me it's a ticket to have sex on the side, plus the it's a mind game.What do you think ?
View related questions:
cheap, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 December 2012):
 FWB is not a game if it’s done the right way. The problem is it’s rarely done the right way. I don’t see how it can be basically about money… Since in my entire life I have known ONE man who used escorts… and I’ve known lots of men, none but this one guy who ever paid for sex….
Where does one draw the line and say NO? When offered FWB… you say “NO NOT INTERESTED”
FWB is friends who have sex. I’ve done FWB with ex-boyfriends and my current husband started out as FWB/NSA…. (but my case was rare and in no way should women assume that FWB will lead to a relationship. I did not and that’s probably how it happened)
I don’t see how it’s a game unless the person who is asked for FWB wants MORE and agrees to FWB in hopes of getting a real relationship… that never works.
I don’t see how a guy saying “I like you, I want to have sex with you, but I’m not looking for a relationship” is a mind game… he’s saying the truth… if the woman hears what she WANTS to hear (I like you, I want to have sex with you, but I’m not ready for a relationship (YET, but sleep with me enough and I’ll change my mind) then that’s on HER.
It’s only a game when it’s FWB and someone is lying to someone (either the partner or themselves) about it.
MOST of the time, we find women who are in FWB relationships don’t want to be. But they LIKED the guy enough to sleep with him hoping he would change his mind… doesn’t work that way…. The rule is a joke but it’s true: women need a REASON to have sex, men just need a place. Basically woman have sex to further a relationship (does not work) men have relationships so they can have sex.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): Thanks for the feed back this was only a thought that came to mind !FWB is exactly what it spells.Happy Holidays!!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 How does money even come into it?
It's 2 people having sex with each other without the commitment. Simple.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2012): "FWB I don't really like this game because what if the other person start to have feelings?"
Then you end the arrangement, no big deal.
"To me it seems to be basically about money."
I don't see how. FWB is friends who have sex. Are friendships about money too? I've had a few FWB's there was nothing to do with money, just two friends who wanted sex without the commitment or attachment with someone they already trust.
"Where does one draw the line and say this is not what I want?"
Wherever they like, it's up to all of us to know and stick to our own limits.
"I really think FWB is a trade off for free sex."
A trade off of what? I know of women who think they can win over a man they really like who isn't interested by giving him sex but that's their problem really.
"I could be wrong but to me it's a ticket to have sex on the side"
Sex on the side of what?
"plus the it's a mind game."
Actually I disagree completely there, the whole joy of FWB is that it isn't a mind game. Dating, relationships they're all mind games. You constantly have to impress, to think of the others needs, to know how to work situations, to think of the right things to say and do. FWB's has none of that at all. It's just a mutual sexual agreement.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2012): When people describe FWB situation they don't realize that its not FWB situation at all, but rather guy is hooking up with a girl. That's why it leaves a bad taste in a mouth especially if you are a girl. For it to become FWB one condition should be met first: you need to be friends, and treat each other as friends, like caring about each other, having fun together and do things for each other. That takes time, so before you start sleeping with each other first you become friends. Your friendship doesn't stop after you start sleeping with each other. Even when you stop sleeping together you still remain friends.See how hard it is to maintain FWB relationship? This is when people become a couple, they are great together on emotionL level, and in addition they have sex. That's why real FWB situation very rarely works, so many little details need to be met in order for it to work.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2012): Its not necessarily about one side wanting to get a freebee, I would never pay for sex anyway. The only thing for example a man doesn't have to spend money on courting a woman. But nowadays they don't do it anyway:). I personally wouldn't have it anyway. They call it friends with benefits, but in reality, people who are involved are not really that much of a friends ussualy. I did few of this so called FWB in a past, and ussualy didn't feel that great abbot the whole thing. Now, I have a little fling with a younger guy, but I can call him a friend, it's different though. We didn't do anything until went on a trip, but I knew him few months before that, and we had lots in common. Now, he has his life , I have mine, he never tells me about dating girls, so am I . We hang out, like do lots of outdoors with other people, movies, going to concerts. But ussualy when there is noone with us, we end up having sex. Its funny how it works. We really have the greatest time together, and I really find him cute, and he thinks I m beatifull, but age difference kind of put us in a position that we are more friends than lovers.tThis is what I call REAL friends with benefits situation. Judging by your post your FWB situation is not as sweet, and make you feel used. You really need to stop it as soon as possible. If it makes you feel bad why go on?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 December 2012):
 I don't like FWB either, primarily because someone usually gets hurt, and also that too many women either believe that it will lead to a relationship, OR view it as a promise for an eventual relationship. FWB is using someone else to relieve sexual needs without doing the hard relationship stuff. That's like eating the dessert and leaving the spinach and brussels sprouts. Usually, it's the woman who develops emotional attachments, assumes that the same thing happens to the guy, and gets crushed and feels used and deceived when the man doesn't reciprocate. Once in awhile, it's the other way around, but I see girls get burned far more.
It's immature at its core, and I wish this hookup generation would wise up and realize how gutting to the soul the whole game is.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 December 2012):
 Most people seem to confuse FWB - Friends With Benefits with NSA sex - No Strings Attached
FWB is sex with a FRIEND - NSA is just sex.
I don't think either is about money. Not all men/women PAYS for sex if they can't get any..
And no, FWB/NSA doesn't work well for many people - specially women.
If you don't like the game, don't play it.
...............................
A
female
reader, baby-blue-eyes +, writes (25 December 2012):
not always . fwb is never about money its about sex with no attachments im in one now and it means we scratch an itch so to speak then have a great friendship on the side with no complications of a relationship.
fwb is hard because nearly always someone will get hurt because they develop feelings for each other. me and my fwb talked it out for over 4 hours about the boundaries and ground rules we have. i would say a lot of fwb dont have the close friendship that me and mine do. there's a big difference between fwb and a booty call
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 December 2012):
 I don't think it's about money, because there are thousands of men who would not dream of paying for sex anyway , no matter what.
The freedom is about being free from obligations, promises, committments and monogamy. Of course that's not a recipe for all tastes, and if you are not cut for FWBs, there's nothing strange or unusual or wrong with that.
When do you draw the line ? That's the difficult part, because if you don't want to be in an FWB, and want to avoid feeling hurt/ used / exploited after, you draw the line way before the FWB starts and the sex starts. In other words, first you make sure you HAVE a relationship, also based on feelings, shared interests, etc. - THEN you introduce physical intimacy in it.
Easier said than done, I know :) spirit is strong but flesh is weak and all that- then again, there is really no other foolproof way.
...............................
|
