A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year. And I oddly have a strange attachment towards him. We mostly are always together unless we know it’s a type of situation that we shouldn’t go together. We have a lot of similar friends and live together. I’ve known him for about 2 years and we met through our old job. After the job he moved from his home state to mine, supposedly to be with me. He is an amazing person and I’d do anything for him. Except this one flaw is driving me insane.Well about 3 months into the relationship I was like I was you to stop texting other girls, meaning the girls he was calling babe and stuff because, I wanted us to be exclusive. Well about 3 months after that I caught him texting/ e-mailing about meeting some chick to do a quickie every now and then and sending nudies. And well I know he couldn’t do it because first off it was in his home state. I talked to him about it and he denied it. And not only when he denies it, he will get angry and start yelling. He finally calmed down and said sorry he won’t do it again. Then month later I catch him deleting messages from his ex. And I was like what are you doing. And he gets mad again and was like I can message my ex’s if I want to. And I was like not if you’re going to delete the messages afterwards and not if you don’t tell me. And the only reason why I am defensive cause not even 4 months ago he was texting her babe n shit. Then he was like sorry won’t happen again. We got the same job together and out of all the people we work with he gets this one girls number and texts her on a regular basis I ask his about it and he was just like I am just trying to get to know our coworkers and I was like why just her, why didn’t you ask for other peoples numbers. And he was like because she is the one who talked to me most on our first day which was a lie. He found her Facebook page and chatted up with her on there and then got her number. Eventually I talked thing right out of him, apparently he thought that when or if we ever broke up he was going to try to date her. But he was like I was wrong and realize that I shouldn’t of did that, and she was in a serious relationship and would never happen. And then that started a lot of drama between us. He stopped always texting her and said he doesn’t need to text her anymore since we will never brake up. So I thought things were getting better up until 2 months later he forgets to log out of his email. I looked into the sent box and he was replying to craigslist ads trying to find girls the whole time we have been dating. I confronted him and he gets angry and denies it even though I have clear evidence that he did it. He goes through his email and deletes everything. His inbox outbox trash box. Then we broke up. But since we are best friends, things just fell back into places all over again. I can’t go a day without him. The thing about the craigslist ads was going on for about 3 to 4 years. Which sparks my curiosity of why he does it. He said he’s stopped and will never do it again. He’s gotten better deleting his Facebook messages, his text messages and not his e-mails. So I’m having a harder time seeing if he is actually being good.So far he never slipt until now. Last night he was posting oddly weird facebook statuses and I was like wtf we weren’t acting like that to me in person. And he was like well at the time I was excited and just wanted to tell everyone. And then I was like who were you messaging last night. He told me his aunt asking when they were going to vegas and his cousin to see how she was and this girl saying congrats for graduating. And I was like show me. So he showed me and then I saw 2 other girls on the messages that was messaged 2 days ago. And I was like who are they, he was like I don’t know them they messaged me. And I was like let me see what you wrote them in the past. And he was like WHY DON’T YOU TRUST ME!?!?!? And I was like well if there isn’t anything to hide then let me see he flips. Gets so angry and I said here we go again. You act like this everytime I catch you. What did you write to her. And he says nothing get angry and deletes all the messages. I was like yep you just prove to me that you cheated again. He finally admits it days later and was like I was just asking to get more pictures of her. So finally my question. Although this all sounds bad and even reading this myself im like damn I need to leave him, but when I am next to him I feel just right. There seems to be meaning in my life and everything falls into place. The only times we ever fight is when the cheating things happen. We work well together people give us compliments. Our sex life is great as far as I know. We never get tired of each other. But Is it this cheating? Should I only wait to dump him til he actually does it in person? What is the good thing to do? And well if I did dump him it would be hard on me only cause we will have to live together til December. That’s when our lease is up and that’s when our job ends. And also everytime I catch him he ends up in a ball crying his eyes out to the point im freaking scared cause I don’t know what to do.
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best friend, broke up, co-worker, cousin, facebook, his ex, my ex, spark, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): How many times does it take for you to hear, "I'm sorry it won't happen again", to finally sink in that, he is only pacifying you and the reality is, HE IS GOING TO DO IT AGAIN! You have got to get this guy out of your life. He is not the least bit interested in having a monogomous relationship with you. He cannot be trusted and does not care that his behavior is out of line and unacceptable when you are in a committed relationship with someone. He's just playing house with you, but he's not in it for the long haul. He is going to do what he is going to do. It's hitting you in the face repeatedly, and it still doesn't hurt yet?You need to be strong, and end this, unless of couse you are willing to accept and live a life with a man who puts you second, and if something else catches his eye, your feelings, honoring and respecting you, go right out the window.And most of all, you are putting yourself in serious risk for STD's. Craigslist users who post and respond for sex are the scum of scum. That's where bottom feeders go...sounds like a real catch...
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (5 June 2013):
 I like Tisha's comment that he deserves to be dumped just for the fact that he uses Craigslist. Quite frankly the guy sounds pathetic. I don't even feel like I need to go into the reasons why. Just reread your post and get rid asap. He'll cry, but you'll just have to ignore that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
 He's a great partner until the mask slips. Which appears to be when he feels the need for some outside sexual release.
I would break up with him just for being so cheesy as to actually reply to craigslist sex ads. I mean, come on, if you are going to try to cheat, at least be classy about it. Random sex with random strangers on craigslist? Just imagine the STD exposure, let alone personal danger he could be placing you in. If he has a wallet full of credit cards, one with your name on it? Oh boy, you could be tidying up the financial mess for YEARS!
He sounds like he's really good at making you complacent and happy and believing that you are 'just right.' I believe it's one of the ways conmen lull victims into complacency.
He obviously knows how to push your buttons. Crying in a ball is a great theatrical device and has worked in the past several times.
Check into your legal options about your lease and your job contractual obligations.
Then get the hell out of Dodge, woman, you are wasting precious daylight with a conman.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 June 2013):
You seem to have some serious trust issues so it's hard to know what's really happening here and what's your version of what's happening. Either way it doesn't matter because the bottom line is that if you're okay with his behavior than his behavior is okay. If you don't like it then it's not okay.
Since you obviously don't like it, it's not okay, and you shouldn't need someone else's opinion to know that.
You should also realize that the more you snoop on him the more resentful he'll become, not to mention he'll get so good at covering his tracks that you'll never catch him. Sometimes you just have to start trusting people and stop treating them like they're guilty WITHOUT snooping. Spying only proves he has learned how to hide it better. That being said, when trust is broken only you know when to start trusting again, if ever.
If he betrays your trust again you will basically be saying "it's okay" unless you dump him for it.
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