A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am seperated and have been seeing the neighbor boy who is 26. I am 37. We have slept together a few times, But also he has stayed the night and just cuddled without sex. He will text me and I will text him, but sometimes he will go 3-4 weeks wihout seeing me and than this last week was over three nights. Sometimes at night he wont return my texts. He is very confusing! I want to know what the hell he is thinking? Does he like me is he unsure because I am still legally married? He seems like he likes me, but when he shuts me off I feel like he is using me. He said he does not want a relationship he likes doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it, but yet there are times I feel like he is into me and maybe has changed his mind.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): I have been in counseling and I am the classic co-dependent! I also went to marriage counseling with my husband, but it seemed to make it more confusing. I wanted and tried to make my marrigae work, but I am not happy and we are not happy together. I did love him more than anything until we had kids and I started to resent him. He works on the road so he is only home on weekends. I guess when the name calling started I had a hard time forgiving. He put his hands on me a few months ago and thats when we seperated. Our sex life was over after the first child was born and than we had another child. We dont like the same things. I am very social he is not. I have many friends he does not. Divorce is a big step and I am scared to be alone so having someone helps me feel like I wont be alone. I just want to be happy and have someone that will make me feel this way.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
 I'm not saying you shouldn't have had sex with him. I'm all for people having safe, consensual sex, without blackmail or deceit.
I'm suggesting that you need to figure out what it is that YOU want and then align your life so that you can reach your goals.
You seem to be very focused on deciphering his motives and goals. I think if you were clearer about yours, his would come into crystal clear focus for you, because your lenses would be nice and clear.
Scared isn't a good place to be making decisions from.
Have you been to counseling to see how you wound up in an abusive relationship?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): I am seperated so I am not with my husband. I really like this guy, but scared. I dont know if I like the chase or the fact he is new and its exciting. I was verbally abused for years and controlled so maybe I like the freedom and the attention. I know I should of not had sex with him, but I also know we can be together and not have sex which says to me he is not out for just the sex. I am so confused and wish I just knew what the hell he was wanting or thinking.
...............................
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
 Okay women post on here there dating and married man. This is just the same except gender change. He probaly knows the outcome your going to use him emotionally and physically like married men do to there lovers. He knows most people dont get divorced anf you will not be. Plus it is a relationship its just not how you perfer it to be established. The foundation of the relationship is laid you sleep and cuddle with him then go back to your marriage. Another issue he may feel like a home wrecker even if all parties are open to the arrangements. Put yourself back in his shoes ti imagine what he is thinking or planning.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
So remove the stated blockage, get the divorce finalized, and then see what he does.
I'm dubious about the 'not now' qualifier on the relationship question. You DO have a relationship, it's just not an official boyfriend girlfriend one. If you are really into this guy and want a boyfriend girlfriend thing, then I would stop having sex until you are both ready for that.
What do YOU want? You didn't answer that question.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): He said he is not ready for a relationship right now! He likes his life the way it is, but he has not been in a relationship for years and is not the type to be a player. He is shy and not one to go out to bars and seek woman out. He also keeps asking when I am going to get a divorce because it would make things easier. If he did not care or like me why would he be so eager for me to get divorced? He also has shared more with me than anyone else and we do talk about a lot of things. He has told me how easy I am to talk to and he wants to see me everyday, but being that I am still married and we have to sneak around it makes it hard.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2013):
"He said he does not want a relationship he likes doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it, but yet there are times I feel like he is into me and maybe has changed his mind."
He has told you he doesn't want a relationship.
He's into you when he wants to be and that's it. Don't read more into his actions in this case, believe him that he doesn't want a relationship.
He may like you a lot but that doesn't mean he wants you to be his girlfriend.
What do YOU want? Why would you ignore the fact that he doesn't want a relationship? Are you feeling a bit more attached than you'd like?
Time to cool your jets and have a nice long think about what you want. If you want a committed boyfriend, then this isn't the guy for you.
It may help if you pushed the divorce along and then this wouldn't be an issue for the next man you want to date.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2013):
 oh I skimmed... and missed the part where he's already TOLD you he does not WANT a RELATIONSHIP.
what he means is that he does not want a relationship with YOU.
it's never going to be more than fuck buddies for him....
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2013):
just because a man cuddles does not mean he cares or loves you.
He's not confusing at all to me.... he's 26 and he's using you to scratch his itch....
he's thinking... hot older lady I can fuck and not be serious with.
I'm sure he likes you
I'm also sure if you push him and want a commitment that's he's going to be GONE....
I do not think your still being married has anything to do with it to be honest.
You feel like he's using you because if you didn't want a FWB thing and expected more, then yes he's using you.
I think for your own well being and peace of mind you should stop this fling with the neighbor boy...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he'd ask. He's told you otherwise, which should be your first clue. Guys do not say that to a woman they're interested in having more than sex with.Take a step back and consider the situation from a third-party perspective. You are much older than him and still married to someone else. And you are giving him sex without strings or commitment. What reason(s) exist for this guy to get seriously involved with you? Unless there is more to the story than what you originally posted, it's pretty clear he doesn't see you as more than a fun casual hookup. Sorry :/
...............................
|
