A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, i just want to understand this. Is it possible to change a bad boy. Like he drinks a lot and has two kids with two different woman, he owns his own business and has lots of friend who they enjoy top life.ive seen all this on his facebook wall. Even when he chart with his friends he is someone who speaks his mind and has a tendency of bragging of everything he has an own. Ive been single for a year and just cant seem to find the man of my dreams. Theres this tenant of mine that is renting my house. Ive just developed some feelings for him and their so strong even if when i try to forget about it but i feel like im losing my mind. Im so into him and the worst im a christian and i believe in finding the same person who is like me and the age thing is killing because im turning 35 soon and i want to start a family soon, plus i see him as a father to my kids. I love him so much and so scared to be hurt maybe by his bad boybehaviour.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 December 2014):
 IF I had a nickel for every girl/woman who tried to change me from a bad boy to a good boy ... I WOULD BE ONE VERY WELL-TO-DO man. It doesn't work!!!!!
Good luck....
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (9 December 2014):
The best way to change a bad boy is to find a good boy. The word BAD does not mean GOOD. The word GOOD as in "what's GOOD for me" actually means good for you.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (9 December 2014):
 A lot of women want the satisfaction of being the one who polishes a rough diamond and tames a wild beast. They want to be the one who turns a bad boy into Mr Right. They want to believe that what they have with that guy is different form the succession of broken hearted, downtrodden women those bad boys have left in their wake. Yet men rarely change. Even less frequently do Bad Boys change their ways. Ive known far too many decent, kind, special women spend far too long being treated like shit trying to turn a bad boy into a nice guy.
I appreciate that at 35 you want to settle down and have a family but he is clearly not the one for you. He has two kids already and has split form the mother, so a hat trick wont make much difference to him. Having produced two kids has not curbed his bad boy behaviour nor stopped him drinking. A third child by you is highly unlikely to be any different.
Concentrate on finding a loving man who will treat you and your child(ren) right, rather than fantasising that this bad boy will come good if you try and settle down with him.
Mark
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (9 December 2014):
Also, the feeling of urgency when it comes to having kids should NEVER be the motivation to find a man. We have enough broken families and unhappy kids roaming the earth. In fact, we have too many people roaming the earth.
If you're gonna raise a child, make sure your set up is the best it can be. That means financial stability and a stable relationship with a man that has the integrity to be a true father for the kid who is there for them no matter what. Don't allow your hormones to make you impulsive. You and any future kids will pay the price for the rest of your lives.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (9 December 2014):
I second everything everyone else said. But also, your feelings seem to be of the level of a highschool crush. Just because you're smitten with someone and can't get them out of your head doesn't mean they're a good fit. Your feelings for him aren't going to magically make him see the error in his ways and become who you want him to be. It's frankly stupid to believe that.
I know, love makes stupid, or in this case infatuation, because to love someone you have to know them first and if you truly knew him, you'd know there's no chance in hell he'll change.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (9 December 2014):
 You cannot change a person. You should never go into a relationship thinking you can. It's one of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships.
Find someone who you can be happy with just the way they are. Then you have a good chance of success.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2014): No you can't, but as others have said you will drive yourself crazy if you try.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 December 2014):
 Nope.
It's like buying a fixer upper house when you have no money and absolutely no skills to fix a thing. POINTLESS.
You don't go around changing people. PEOPLE change because THEY themselves CHOOSE to change.
WiseOwlE put it VERY well. READ his post till it sinks in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2014): No you can't change a bad-boy, but they can change you! They will destroy you mentally, physically, financially, spiritually, and will turn your entire world upside down.
Why do people want someone they have to change? Isn't it more logical and sensible to find someone who already possesses the qualities and good character that you want and need in a partner?
You were not put on this earth to "change" anyone but yourself.
There are a lot of fools out there who have destroyed their lives, and lost everything they've worked for. Thinking they're so special and wonderful they have some magical power within them; that will change some bonafide asshat
into some loving Prince Charming.
The reality is, you can make a positive-impression on people that will inspire them to change. You can be a good influence, and mentor young boys in need of guidance and care. You can teach and assist men in transition; who are in their own self-motivated process of growth and rebuilding their lives. The key being, they are changing themselves; and not being changed by anyone.
There are trained-professionals and institutions meant for changing people. They are only effective, when a person is willing to accept their help.
That is not the duty of wives and girlfriends. If his own mama didn't fix him before turning him loose on the world, run for the hills screaming the minute you see a "bad-boy!"
They're the devil!
The notion that bad-boys change out of love, only happens in the movies. Stupid people want to take credit for making people good. That is something we do for ourselves, and we may do it for someone we care for. You don't go near them; until they've made their changes, and they can prove it.
Rotten men who are dedicated to a narcissistic existence; will eat you alive. It's naive to think you can change a guy who is an adult, and has chosen his own path in life.
He'll change when and if he wants to. Not because of some woman. It takes a deity to transform evil into good! Not mere mortals!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 December 2014):
 Yea, he'll change...He'll become a bad man and abusive father. You are wasting your time... Never try to teach a pig to sing, it can't happen and it just annoys the pig.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 December 2014):
 You can't change a bad boy but what you CAN do is waste a lot of precious time attempting it. Don't go there Sister, ain't worth it.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (8 December 2014):
 Never go into a relationship thinking you can or should change someone. It is one of the worst mistakes a person can make. People will change because they WANT to, not because someone complains or tries to steer them into changing. Either accept him the way that he is, or move on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2014):
 In one word.. NO.
He is what he is and unless HE wants to change for HIM he won't change.
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