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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My husband walked out on me and our 2 children 3 months ago for another woman at work who is 17 years younger than him. We have been married for 9 years and together for 13. I have tried everything I can to try and win him back and I know he is feeling incredibly guilty for what he has done to me and her, she was due to get married and called off her wedding because of him. I got fed up with trying and being treated the way I was about 2 weeks ago and told him that I had had enough and deserved better and was going to file for a divorce. he very quickly changed is mind and said that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and still loved me and would do everything he could to save our marriage. I began talking to him and listening to what he had to say. I really thoought that there was hope for us and told him that she must be out of the equation in order for us to sort anything out and live on his own for sometime first. I gave him an ultimatum of yesterday to speak to her giving him 10 days. He has not spoken to her and they are still living together. He says that he doesn't have the guts to talk to her and tell her. I think that the best thing to do is move on with my life and cut him off apart from communicate with regards to the children. What do you think?? I know that I still love him and miss him terribly but I don't feel that I know the person he has become and cannot continue to be treated like this. Maybe by cutting him off he will realise what he is walking away from??
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at work, divorce, move on, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 October 2009):
 He wants his cake and eat it too. Sorry he can not stick to his promise, he has no spine :(
I would start the divorce and get the ball rolling, even if he did dump her could you ever really trust him? Love him? Respect him?
Does he really deserve YOU?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): I swear this sound like my former marriage. Fortunately for me, I didn't have any children by this spineless bastard. Believe me when I tell you, I know your pain. The best route that you can take is to no longer have any contact with him unless it is pertaining to your children. Do not talk about the marriage. Do not talk to him about his other woman. Do not talk to him about any new relationships that you may decide to have. Make it real clear that the only contact that you will have is concerning the children. Other than that, you have nothing else to discuss.As far as his sorry ass, that relationship is NOT going to work. Any relationship that is started on the misery of others, do not prosper. They think that they are riding high right now, but believe me when I tell you they are both going to feel your pain. I was there to see what my husband and the woman he left me for went through. Believe me, I had the last laugh and I didn't have to lift a finger. So be strong, get out and have fun with your children. Aerobic exercise is a great way to release stress. Try that as well. Contact a lawyer as soon as possible, get all that you can. Child support, spousal support, alimony, etc. Whatever you can get. Be strong, love your kids, and love yourself. Best of luck. Remember, what goes around comes around. Payback is a bitch!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 He said he would do everything, he has done nothing.
My dear, you lost nothing. Get a lawyer and bleed him for everything he has got.
If you take him back, you got a coward who now knows he can get away with it.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (19 October 2009):
 I am glad that you gained the courage to even think about moving on. That is a really hard step for anyone, especially when you have kids and so many years together between the two of you. I very much doubt that he will actually come around and leave this girl to come back to you. He has already proven to be a very selfish guy. Not only did he ruin your marriage, but he also ruined someone else's as well. Basically, this guy and his new girlfriend deserve each other. Let me assure you that they may feel like they did the right thing by cheating, but they are now doomed to spend a very long time together through lying and breaking a family. They will have very unhappy lives.
You on the other hand can move on and pick yourself up. You didn't do anything wrong, and you might not believe it now, but you are much better without someone like your husband. In the end, he might want to come back, but do you really want him back? I'd hope the answer is no. I would just forget the ultimatum and leave him for good. Make a divorce out of it and have him paying child support. You can move on with your own life with your kids and start fresh! Maybe find someone who is actually there for you and not to mess around with a woman who is seventeen years younger.
Everyone deserves someone who genuinely loves them. This guy doesn't treat you right, and you should have every chance to be happy. :) Good luck.
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A
male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 File for divorce, when he receives the papers then discuss... he may realise you aren't playing this stupid game of his.
You need to take control by making the first move... it may seem you are out of your depth but persevere and you will eventually win out. You dont need this grief and by taking you for granted he will never think any more of you than he does already.
Good luck - you're better of without him IMO.
Steve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): I think you have got the right idea about this, and I agree that moving on is probably the best thing for you to do right now.
This must be so difficult for you, but you have tried and tried. He doesn't seem prepared to leave this other woman. If he was serious about what he said, that he has made a mistake and wants to save your marriage, he would leave her. He would tell her it is over and come back to you. He hasn't, and it is not fair on you to keep waiting around for him.
You are right, there is the possibility that he will realise the reality of the situation, and decide once and for all who he wants to be with. If he decides he has made a mistake and wants to try again with you, he will tell you. But to continue as the situation is, it is getting you nowhere. Something has to give. So I think you are absolutely right. And you definitely don't deserve to be treated this way.
I really do wish you all the best with this. Whatever happens, be strong, and do what you feel is right for the happiness of you and your children. x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 October 2009):
I don't think he's worth taking back anyway. He's ruined your marriage, he's ruined this other girls' engagement. How many more people will he hurt. I do think you're right cutting him out, but he's lied to you. He said he was going to try and work it out, and now he won't. Be brave and move on from him completely. You don't need him to be happy. Instead, focus on yourself and your children. All the best.
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