A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone this question is for people who are in a fwb arrangement. how well do they treat you. I am in one. have been for 11 months now. he never comes round apart from the obvious when he is horny. he is not speaking to me at the moment because he got drunk at the weekend went out with him mates started texting me at 2.20 am. I had to be up at 7am so I ignored him now cos I didn't text him back he thinks I was asleep. he is in a mood with me. he treats me really bad we see each other around. he won't come speak to me his friends or family. don't know about us. he asked me not to have sex with anyone else while I was sleeping with him. so I told him he couldn't either he gets very jealous and has accused me of cheating twice which I haven't. but how could it be cheating if were not together. I asked him last week if he wanted me to just delete his number and not bother him again. he replied with I do and don't you should come shag me. now what should I do and are all fwbs this way. it doesn't feel like he is a friend. thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): no this is not FWB. FWB is mutually beneficial, and you are friends. this guy is not a friend, and this is a one way street arrangement. this isn't FWB, this is simply him using and abusing you and you're allowing it.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 For it to be "Friends With Benefits", you first have to be "FRIENDS".
He is not acting like a friend at all.
I wrote an article on what a Friends With Benefits relationship is, how it works and what the rules are.
You can find it here for free at
http://www.franktalks.com/westendtimes
Scroll down to the articles dated
Oct 29, 2011
and
Nov 5, 2011
Hope that helps.
-Frank
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (30 January 2012):
 no FWB relationships are not normally like this. In the past when i had a fwb we were always nice to each other wether we were having sex or not and we always took each others feelings into account.
This guy does not even see you as a friend. From what you have said there is no pleasantness so my advice would be if you still want a fwb find one that treats you right. There are plenty of decent English men out there. :-)
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Look, FWB is literally just about sex, the only difference between an FWB and a one night stand is that you are having sex with someone you know. If you want a FWB you dont expect to be treated nice, you are not in a relationship so basically you are just going to be treated like someone he can have sex with whenever he wants.
Your feelings dont matter to him, you are just sex and nothing more. The only reason he doesnt want you sleeping with anyone else is so you dont have any diseases to pass onto him - he wants his f**k buddy to be on call at all times when he wants sex, he doesnt want you to be out with some other guy otherwise you wouldnt be available for him!
And of course his friends and family dont know about you, you're not his girlfriend so why would he tell them that he is sleeping around with a girl? He wouldnt want to admit to his mother that he is using a girl for sex, and he most certainly wont want to introduce you to them because you are not girlfriend material to him - you are just easy sex, and that is not the sort of girl you want your mum to meet.
If you want to be someone's girlfriend who is treated well - dont get into a FWB. Simple as that. FWB's are just for sex, nothing else. If you want more than sex from a guy you have to date them, get to know them and be in a relationship before you have sex. That way they respect you rather than seeing you as an easy shag.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (30 January 2012):
 That isn't FWB, that is being Fuck Buddies, since there isn't an ounce of "friendship" here.
If he treats you like crap why do you continue? WHAT do you get out of this "thing" you two got going?
Cut him out of your life, stop being a doormat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): This isn't a FWB situation. He is using you for sex, and that isn't on. He is treating you like dirt and I would suggest you get shot of him as soon as possible. Try normal dating and forget 'FWB' - only in very particular circumstances can 'FWB' work and often one or other party gets hurt because they become attached and want more.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Why would you ask him what HE wanted? Doesn't what YOU want matter? What do YOU want?
He's not a friend he's a fuck buddy. And he's not a very good one...
I'd delete him and move on...
FWB means sex with no strings attached. it does not mean treat you like crap.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 I don't understand why this arrangement is called "friend" with benefits, from my reading here at Dear Cupid, there is often nothing friendly in dhe relationship at all!
As for the benefits in your situation, what are the benefits you are receiving? All I can see you getting is a lack of respect, jealousy and tied up in a situation that doesn't allow you to go and find a real boyfriend.
Unless you like this non friendly, no benefit FWB that is.
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